Trust the Bachelor Process

TTBP is back baby and stronger than ever! Mainly because Alex and Sarah started taking vitamins. Peter is our Bachelor and his 30 new girlfriends are already bringing the drama. Between the affairs and the country music ex boyfriends, these ladies have packed their baggage and are ready for Peter to fly it away. Although, apparently he's already flown a lot of them because half of the girls are flight attendants. This week we draft our top 3 women to carry us through another Bachelor season, and pray that Peter takes them all to the windmill. Buckle up, because this journey is ready for take-off. How many pilot puns do you think it will be possible to make this season? Well, buckle up, again!, because we're about to find out.

Returning guest, Colleen Klinefelter, joins TTBP this week to recap our summer in Paradise and discuss which couples are lying about their current relationship status. Spoiler alert, if you're not Demi, it's a lie! Also Blake is still alone. For the most part, the summer wasn't super transformative for anyone - Cam is still not invited to your birthday party, Dean still lives in a van, and Derek is still perfect. But now we have a new Bachelor to look forward to and a season sponsored by Delta Airlines. It was a Summer of love and heartbreak, and now we can all enjoy a Fall filled with sex in windmills. See you in the friendly skies!

@colleenklinefelterfanpage

The sun is setting, clouds are forming, leaves are turning, and Blake still can't get a girlfriend. It's okay dude, maybe the summer just isn't your season. But those of you who found love this summer - TTBP is rootin' for ya crazy kids! Whether you're navigating post-breakup life or finding the person who makes love seem easy, we can all agree, it's time to go home and take a shower in some AC. You had the right thought, Connor. Now we're onto colder weather and a new Bachelor, and the world could not be more thrilled!

As we approach the end of Summer, let us reflect on our goals, our dreams, our failures, and learnings. The sun is setting in Paraside, everyone's makeup is getting better, and we can see that sweet air condinitioned hotel room waiting for us on the horizon. Its been fun y'all, but it's time to get off this beach. We're ready for Old Man Chris to settle down, the man is exhausted for cying out loud, we're ready for JPJ to stop screaming all the time, and we're ready for Hannah and Dylan to go live in their cave where they can makeout in peace forever. Thanks for the beautiful memories this summer guys, but it's time to announce Derek as our Bachelor, and move into a newer, fresher season.

Paradise is closing soon and so far there have been two weddings and TTBP has been invited to none of them. On top of that we've got JPJ yelling in front of Chris' mom over here, and a bunch of dudes in white T-shirts attending a wedding over there. If it weren't for knowing Colton is a terrible kisser we might have exploded this week. Good thing Mike McLendon came on the pod to help sort all of this out, in addition to creating the next hit ABC reality drama, "Bachelor in Stage Coach". It's time to pull that curtain back all the way, ABC, and just let us all inside. Or at least VIP tickets to next year's Stage Coach? It would truly only be fair after forcing us to watch 20 people stranded on a hot beach for three weeks. Think about it, Chris Harrison.

Week 3 (meaning day 4 or 5) in Paradise and things are heating up. In fact, we're all starting to get worried about just how hot Nicole is actually getting from all the men fighting over her. Friend of the pod, Jackie Durruthy, and new friend, Ross Kimball, (Most Wonderful Pod of the Year) join TTBP this week to share who they have sympathy for on the beach and who needs to go to the hospital for brain injuries. Unfortunately, everyone may die from bordem before any of that happens if we keep having to watch Dylan makeout with the air around Hannah G's face. And say what you will about Dean's mustache, but seems to be the only thing holding us all together as we have to watch Blake date another girl who attended Stage Coach this year. Until next time, ho ho ho and Merry Paradise!

Where do we even begin? Dean is back, JPJ is reciting poetry, Nicole is basically the Bachelorette, and everyone on this beach is wearing tennis shoes?! We don't know what's more offensive, socks and shoes in paradise or how Blake treats women. Josh Malmuth joins (Abby's, New Girl, Superstore) TTBP this week to review all the couples and singles of paradise, and also Cam, who is his own kind. Between Katie's confusing tears and Clay's tight five, there is a lot to figure out, like who is our next Bachelor going to be??? But as always, we had the help of Queen Demi to explain all. Maybe she can explain what exactly Christian used to hang up that piñata, because it certainly wasn't tape.

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It's the first week in Mexico, and we can't tell if we're in Paradise or the upside down.. but it probably depends on who you ask. While it's absolutely devine to see our old friends back on the screen, our heads are already spinning from the "he said, she said". Here's what TTBP knows for sure: Caelynn hates Blake, everyone thinks Blake is hot, everyone also thinks Hannah G is hot, Clay dated Angela and broke up with her at some point in time, Blake has been outted, Caelynn has been outted, Kristina is there, Bibi needs to just grab someone and makeout, Jane should no longer be allowed to cook. Whose side are you on? Whose word do you trust? How hot was that hot sauce on the taco??? Thank God we have Queen Demi to guide us through this. It's going to be a long summer in Paradise...

Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Maya Angelou, Hilary Clinton, Hannah Brown. What do all of these women have in common? All great feminist heros of our time. As we mourn the end of the greatest Bachelorette season in history, we also celebrate the death of a terrible relationship, and the rebirth of a hero. Thank you, Hannah Brown, for teaching us that we can all find happiness, even without ever seeing Tyler C naked. Your confidence, intellegence, and beauty has inspired a nation, and it just might be exactly what we needed to bring this country together. Also, Peter's mom. We will be forever grateful. Now, onto Paradise. See you in Mexico!

The boys are back and so is TTBP fav Mike Levin! We discuss Luke's goodbye, Tyler's hotness and whether or not Kurt Cobain would have made a good Bachelor in 1994. We also deep dive into the morality of Jed and how bad it is to actually go on the show with a girlfriend. Doesnt Hannah have 25 boyfriends? It's basically a deep philopophical debate that will be quoted in history books for decades to come.

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