Two Assholes and a Mic

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This one kicks off with Ian finally ordering a new phone, Robby debating the same, and both of us still trying to figure out whether the real villain is the phones, Starlink, the app, or just whatever “bottlenecking” nonsense is happening in the background. From there, we get into Robby’s rough Whatnot stream, bar boredom, doom scrolling, walking groups, testosterone checks, bloodwork, and the difference between talking to Alexa and talking to ChatGPT like they might eventually remember who was polite when the machines take over. Then it turns into Lego storage advice, No Country for Old Men GTA references, GTA V chaos, GTA VI hopes, NPCs getting tricked into fighting cops, and Robby’s new replacement swear word: “flagnog.” We wrap with world facts about floating clouds, cosmic latte, Hector the Convector, drinkable water, cow friendships, and sloths somehow dropping their heart rate to eight beats per minute underwater. 

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This one starts before the intro with Robby deep in Hulk color lore, because apparently there are way more Hulks than anyone needed to know about. From there, we get into Erin’s baked ravioli, homemade pasta, pizza-roll logic, and missing the Viking buffet hard enough to cause emotional damage. The dogs then take over with Roxy guarding the fence, Slinky chaos, Amazon driver drama, and a weirdly thoughtful conversation about how animals experience the world through smell, sound, sight, touch, and whatever the hell snakes are doing with their tongues. After some fantasy football draft talk, Predator: Killer of Killers, phone problems, and another house update, we finally circle back to the big science question: what happens if an F-15 flies at half the speed of light? Turns out, nothing good—plasma wake, explosions, vaporized aircraft, mechanical mist, and eventually, according to Ian, pure light-speed glitter. 

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This one starts with Ian fully accepting his Pokémon Go nerd era after joining a random walking group on the heath, while Robby remembers chasing PokéStops around Edwards with Justin. From there, we drift into saving for a gaming computer, the never-ending nightmare of buying a house in England, renting houses instead of selling them, HELOCs, mortgage rates, and trying to pay things off without doing too much maths. Robby also finally unfolds the dog pool, Slinky gets dunked, Roxy turns water into a full-body drinking experience, and two forgotten ribeyes become a luxury dog dinner. Then it’s earbuds, headset impulse buys, military retirement percentages, mortgage overpayments, Amsterdam plans, Korea memories, Dragon Hill Lodge, Everland, and Robby deciding he’s officially in chapter three of life before we invent the “olden years” and butcher the word epilogue. 

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This one starts with the podcast already fighting for its life, a questionable pigeon rescue, and Erin discovering a new list of food allergies. From there, Ian vents about the never-ending house process, Robby talks Wing Wednesday chaos, bar staffing, and a possible new Colleyville location, and then we accidentally pick the most boring random-fact topic possible: grass. Once grass lets everyone down, we switch to conspiracy theories instead—moon landing doubts, birds not being real, reptilian elites, Hollow Earth, chemtrails, Antarctica secrets, Men in Black, and the possibility that Earth is basically Australia for space prisoners. 

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This one is basically a science argument with technical difficulties sprinkled on top. We start with the classic “can an airplane take off on a treadmill?” debate, break down wheels, thrust, lift, MythBusters, and why billionaires should stop wasting money on boring stuff and finally build a proper plane-sized treadmill. From there, we jump to whether the Moon makes more sense than Mars for our first real colony, NASA’s Mars helicopters, nuclear propulsion ideas, Ingenuity’s busted propeller, and why Mars drone footage should absolutely be monetized on YouTube. Then we end by Googling how much data Mars missions can actually send back before Robby’s connection gives up again. 

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A short one, but still somehow full of chaos. We start by fighting technical difficulties, blaming Elon’s internet, and trying to remember what we were even talking about before the recording fell apart. Then it turns into Slinky’s missing balls, dogs barking at neighbours, foldable pools, rock-chewing pets, and a quick dive into weird laws involving suspicious salmon and Switzerland’s lonely guinea pig rules. Eventually, Ian figures out Robby’s phone storage is probably the real villain, and we call it before the whole thing fully implodes. 

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This one starts with Lego Batman problems and quickly gets hijacked by a hummingbird that has apparently chosen Robby’s garage as its final boss arena. While Robby tries to figure out why the bird will not leave, Ian tells a baby-pigeon rescue story, we debate bats versus moths versus tiny owls, and Robby explains why his bat house gave up on life. After some fish-cake confusion and ramen hatred, we dive into deep-ocean facts: the midnight zone, snailfish living almost five miles down, giant squid eyeballs, bioluminescence, underwater mountain ranges, Mauna Kea, and whether Megalodon is hiding in the Mariana Trench until someone Googles it. We basically become professors—just, unfortunately, professors of idiocracy. 

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This one opens with Robby running late because salami and cheese cubes got in the way, which is honestly hard to argue with. From there, we get into work drama at the bar, tip culture in the States, why servers making two-something an hour makes no sense, and Robby’s idea of washing dishes just to fund wings and beer. We also talk remote jobs, paying off debt, the Slingshot versus the EcoSport, planning a future UK visit, Texas heat, actual UK rain, thunderstorm appreciation, and random facts that somehow end with Saturn floating in water, an eight-mile-an-hour speeding ticket, and fax machines existing before telephones. 

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 This one starts relaxed and then drifts straight into weird territory. We talk Witch’s Brew, caramel apples, food videos, Brian Cox, Neil deGrasse Tyson, black holes, dreams, and whether our brains are building reality like some kind of personal simulation. Then Ian brings back the legendary deployment thong stories, including Rudolph, Ellie the Elephant, Ally the Alligator, poker nights in Korea, and the infamous Christmas card revenge plot aimed at one very angry Cowboys fan. Robby’s audio and video cut out around the 18-minute mark, so this one leans heavy on the first half and the chaos that made it through. 

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In S2E51, Robby gets the EcoSport sorted with new tires and “trained” TPMS sensors before we drift into Lego figs, Whatnot sales, Kevin Costner movies, and Robby defending the new He-Man. We also bring back random facts with ancient honey, giant fungus, neutron stars, talking ravens, and the moon leaving us.

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