Who is Cain Velasquez, why did he open fire into a pickup truck before chasing it for eleven miles, and why are we sort of happy he only received a five-year prison sentence with time served? We're also talking a little about Vore, mental health professionals identifying as turtles, and possibly the greatest traffic stop interaction of all time.

Join the 2DT Patreon for your pet cat.

No hamsters were harmed in the making of these links:

Cain Velasquez Summary

Cats Can't Legally Drive

Turtle Power!

Cannibalism Fantasies

Check out our new Linktree! Eat it up (instead of someone else)!

Where else can you find a podcast that starts with sh*t and ends up talking about engineers and lawnmower purchases...and call centers...and pants turtles? Also, if you've ever wanted to feel sad for camels, Tom has you covered this week.

Join the 2DT Patreon and (maybe) save a camel!

No hamsters were harmed in the making of these links:

Call Center Employee of the Month

The Legendary TSA Pants Turtle

Check out the new Linktree! It's all that and a bag of chips!

Who knew taxes could be so fun? Just kidding, they still aren't. But they are weird when they apply (or don't) to baseballs, body parts, and breast implants. Also, Doug actually has a good idea for reforming property taxes? Shoutouts to Aaron Judge, Jude Law, quantum computing....and our apologies to Forest Whitaker. We love you.

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These links are taxing....

When the IRS Knocks at Your Door - Rudy Ayoub

How Much is the Baseball Worth?

The IRS Had Reasonable Take, Once Upon a Time?

Ohio's Organic Tax Laws

Repo Men (Sorry, Forest)

We still have our fancy new Linktree!

Okay, maybe that last one is just a fun reference at the end. But this is in fact an episode with a little bit of everything. So kick back, relax, and learn more from our dad fails. Oh, and if you get a chance to come back to life, don't touch the stuffies!

Buy us a cup of coffee! Join the 2DT Patreon!

The BETRAYAL is real in the links this week:

Ghosteas Podcast on Spotify

Yee Naaldlooshii Legend

Now that we know these stock photos exist, you must also know.

Check out our fancy new Linktree! You'll be going places.

What do half-eaten sandwiches, chasing waterfalls, HIV, and nightclub promotions all have in common? That's right - Philadelphia train station bathrooms (how did you know?). As if that isn't boring enough, add in potential pregnancy updates, poker, and the most eclectic Uber drivers you'll find. When you rate us, don't forget 5 stars!

If you don't join the 2DT Patreon Tom will buy clothes for you.

The BETRAYAL is real in the links this week:

Bonnie Blue is a Liar!

So is Lily Phillips!

You know what isn't a lie? How cool you would look in our merch!

You know what else doesn't lie? My hips. Anyway, here's our website.

Send your completed Dad Homework to [email protected].

Ross Ulbricht (aka The Dread Pirate Roberts), the notorious mastermind behind the most infamous dark web marketplace, was pardoned by Trump. As usual, Tom and Doug have thoughts. What we didn't have (because we are dum-dums and forgot) was dad jokes, so let us make it up to you: 

What do you call it when a blind person goes on the internet?

Sorry for the recent technical issues with getting new episodes out. Let the extra content on the 2DT Patreon soothe you.

Take These Links and Go Fluff Yourself:

Ross Ulbricht Pardoned

Great Timesuck covering this: 35 - Murder, Drugs, Porn, and Pirates: Tales From the Dark Web35

Don't forget your merch on the way out!

This is a link to our website!

This is a link to our email! [email protected]

P.S. Did you know Tom and Doug used to be in a band called the Dark Web? They eventually quit because they were always on Tor.

We're going all in talking about the recent escapades of Bonnie Blue and Lily Phillips. We go deep into who did it better, how integral fluffing is, and add a little bit of psychoanalysis to make Freud proud.

We're bound to do another gift card giveaway, but you have to join the 2DT Patreon to have a chance!

Take These Links and Go Fluff Yourself:

Bonnie Blue Claims World Record

Lily Phillips Reflects in Documentary

We have a merch store. For realsies.

You can find the merch store and more on our realsies website!

How many men should be next? All answers welcome: [email protected]

Welcome to Jeopardy! Tom quizzes Doug on a whole host of the things we've discussed on the cast so far. And let's just say, we've covered a lot of (sometimes very weird) ground. Let us know what you want to see in the next 50 episodes! Go Dad Go!

Join the 2DT Patreon to get a shot at our next gift card giveaway!

Quality Links for You Found Here:

Why Chick-Fil-A Employees Always Say 'My Pleasure'

SNL - Celebrity Jeopardy

Don't forget some merch on your way out!

Find all episodes on our website!

Let us know what you want to hear about on the next 50: [email protected]

We're starting 2025 with a healthy dose of "WTH is wrong with people?" Let's talk about Gisèle Pelicot and the most disturbing marriage you've never heard of. It's the banality of evil, 2025. Happy (frickin') New Year!

Make joining the 2DT Patreon your New Year's resolution!

The Links Are Back, Baby!

Missing Congresswoman ...

...and the funny video about it from X

Gisèle Pelicot Historic Trial

New year should bring some new merch!

Our website would make a lovely homepage for your computer. Just sayin'.

We'll give you one more chance to send Christmas puns to us at [email protected]!

We've had a couple of controversial debates, but never anything quite like this. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Also, why your kids should NOT watch Gremlins, dirty Santa jokes, and Doug's internet makes the naughty list. We're taking a short vacation after this week, we'll see everyone in 2025. Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals. 

Drummers and Pipers are drumming and piping about the 2DT Patreon!

Lords are a-leaping and ladies are dancing over our links...

Maids are Milking Die Hard and Other Movies for Christmas spirit

Walken's Speech is so beautiful it helps swans swim and geese a-lay

Fiiiiiiive golden riiiiings....and our merch!

Four calling birds our website!

Send us three French hens, two turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree to us at [email protected]!