Umpire Pants

We recorded this on on Friday and I don't really remember what we talked about except old movies and our mayo test. I do remember that Kelley asked me if I could upload it and I said "of course!" and now here it is Monday night, 24 hours later and I didn't even listen to it. But I'm sure its great and the mayo was good.

Movies from 1988. There have been so many body switching movies. A Fish Called Wanda was a big deal. You should be watching I Think You Should Leave if you like sketch comedy. Kelley wins by getting a company to send a product! Upcoming Duke’s Mayo taste test and what to test it with. Princess Bays. Avengers End Game non-talk. We’re on Spotify! Bill gets 1920s birthday gifts. Hoodys Nuts. Underage drinking at weddings. Jeopardy is messing with our schedule. Is chili quiche a good idea? Mary can barely comprehend the question. Crust on quiche. Break. Hints! Mary comes back from the break feisty! Covering furniture. It’s past Mary’s bedtime. Mashed potatoes with hot milk. Treasure hunts. Herman’s Clangors. Gain speed slowly when driving. People used to drive around slowly with their flashers on. Put damp clothes in the fridge. Revive straw flowers. Cook vegetables in a small amount of water to conserve nutrients. Repair rips and tears immediately. Umpire Pants Out!

Avengers Endgame is not the name of our podcast. Movies from 1987. Episodes without Bill are not cannon. Raising Arizona robot. Bill wants Mary to admit Nick Cage is a good actor, but we talk about whether he’s hot. More Avengers Endgame talk. Oklahoma Thunder lost. White Russians. Star Wars talk. Email from Vera. Test intros. Marvel movies. Naugahyde. Jokes are a Flat Circle (Runner Up Ep Title). Tim Goes to the Mayor Gary Busy story. Is Mary lying on government forms? Mary’s Shit List of the Week: Comforting Food. Grilled cheese variations. Live flip off by Mary. Nobody searches for comfort food. Nobody searches for comfort. Wrestling. Game of Thrones. NFL draft. Jeopardy. Lebron vs. Jordon. Nutballs, email everyone and tell them to listen. Kelley’s Hint List. Use Borax for your wool. Add cracker crumbs when making fried oysters. Kelley’s terrible clambake joke that Jimmy Pardo my get. Oyster Shells in your coal cook stove will break a clinker. Good bands vs. bands that don’t go away. Iron Maiden should be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Buy small amounts of coffee. Clean light colored felt hats with salt and cornmeal. Umpire Pants Out.

Bill is gone, and Mary and Kelley need content for the show. For some reason Mary agrees to consume some legal marijuana, watch a movie, and talk about it. Can the ladies stay on topic while under the influence, without their host? No they can’t. They can’t even talk some of the time because they’re laughing too hard. Just when it should be over, they try to do the hint segment, and it doesn’t go well. Empire Pants Out!

I didn’t listen to this one, guys. I had a whole two weeks, and I didn’t do it. -Kelley

The 1984 Olympics. McDonalds contests. Insurance re-cap. Ghostbusters. Movie talk. We made up a biscuit challenge. Horse camp. Van Halen. Hoyt Axton. Mary doesn’t like anything. Crème Brule. Dozen donut challenge? Homer Price. Vanilla ice cream debate. Hoyt Axton Break. Hints! Buy your own book to play along. Fly ash and furnish hints. Canned fruit juice on puddings. Dad shows off his short shorts. Timing your long distance calls. Vacuum suits Wash your car on your lawn (Mary’s hint). Meat drippings hint. Test a house before buying. Test woolen materials with your hands. Clean coat collars. Umpire Pants Out.

All insurance hints episode. I mean, it’s all 1940s insurance hints…what do you want me to say? I’m sorry we did this to you guys. -Kelley

E.T. came out in 1982. Logan’s Run. Mary is hung over. Kelley’s snot-take. We have no topics. Bill doesn’t acknowledge honorary royal titles. Don’t Worry be Happy and What’s Up have the same melody? Axle Rose’s voice. Seeing stand-ups live. Felix was in Bye Bye Birdie. Rude phone users. Playbill ads. Break. Pearson’s Nut Roll taste test. Bit-O-Honey to catch fish. Hints! Pea pods add flavor to soup. Keep eggs in the fridge so they last longer. Kelley can’t say our email address. Use pie plates for hot biscuits. Bill proposes all insurance hints episode. Red Lobster. Freshly baked bread. Stale bread hint (re-do). Revitalize brown sugar and cookies. Snow chains tip. Drying your coat hint. Umpire Pants Out!

Kelley Intros. Bills isn’t really fired. Raiders of the Lost Ark movie recommendation. Kelley’s birth year. Bill’s sentimental story. People watching and bad tattoos. Mary is requiring us to get tattoos when she dies. Ben and Jerry’s update. Herman’s song confusion. Umpire Pants needs to try to get free stuff. Mom thinks we boned it last week. Tire disposal and tacky planters. Bossy kids. Cutesy error messages. Break. Hints! Weatherproofing your house to save energy. Eat cauliflower stalks. Jerks at the grocery store. Corn hints. Alter dress patterns. Removing old wax from linoleum floors. Mary’s still mad about waxing floors 35 years ago. Questionable egg facts. Molasses cake hint. Painting screens. Clean playing cards with camphor oil. Umpire Pants Out!

Felix intros. Mt. St. Helens. Tsunamis. Dollar Chinese Food. Netti Pot safety. Allergies. Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. Pot stickers. Sea monkeys and Triops. Cocaine accessories. Assless Chaps. Best phrases in the English language. Personal hygiene hints. Best Ofs. Fish. Japanese food. Hints! Hat care. Eat mixed greens in salad. Drapes and pinch plaits. Aluminum ware dents. Moths. Combine old lipstick. Glamorize your shelves. Umpire Pants Out!