Umpire Pants

Testing microphones. Tiny animals. Yardbirds and Ernst talk. Pearson's Nut Roll Log. Banana bread challenge, with monk fruit sugar vs. regular white sugar. The internet is getting worse. Betting on crow incubation. Mom's peepin' story. Bill is wearing real pants. No false hope this February. Best Ofs. Real meat of or fake meat. Onions or no onions. Favorite fruit. Mom hates cookies. Hints. Use flower for crispy fries. Cake decorating hint gets heated. Use light colored paint for a bright room. Scratch-n-sniff stickers. Clean broken glass with cotton. Umpire Pants Out.

Felix Intro’s. Preschool memories. Running away from home. Coffee cake. Rollerskating. Street art. Bill has bad eyesight. Break. Welcome back shitnuts! Oriss Root Challenge follow-up. Sugar taste test challenge follow-up. Felix’s Best Ofs, Chips v. Crackers. Clove oil for tooth pain. Whore Hound. Hints. Use a scarf to keep clothes clean. Kelley is going to shred the hint list. Put an apple you your tobacco. Chintz fabric. Paper airplane live on the air. Umpire pants out! Balls

Star Wars year. Reigning in Mary. Id/Ego/Superego. Snow. We're sitting in the wrong order. Mary needs to watch Raising Arizona still. We haven't seen each other since the Super Bowl. Kelley Hates the Red Green show more than she should. Muffins with shortening, upcoming challenge? Mary talks celebrities and Kelley and Bill don't. Simon update. Andrew Gold Break. Kelley wins the darned sock challenge. Hints. Porcupines vs. hedgehogs. Best Bird. Stockings/Garters. 9-to-5. Rubber tape to fix coffee makers. Clean wax flowers repeat. Making tea. Mary is mad about tea. Open clams without hammers.

We fucked up the first recording. Bill's not here. Snow. Banana ice cream tips. Baby food jars. Brill Cream. Burning stuff on pans. Brillo Pads. Super Bowl half time shows. Upcoming follow-ups. Weirdest customers of the day. Mary is watching Raising Arizona. Feed the hummingbirds in the winter! Mary is going to spy on Skippers. Felix’s Best Ofs. Dog Breed. Color Combo. Chip Like Snack. Colored Pencils Vs. Colored Pens. Hints! Test cakes with toothpicks. Clean bacon rinds. Color fast fabric tests. Make fruit go farther with gelatin. Muffins taste better when shortening is cut in. Make jumper dress from discarded model.

Sorry for posting late, Nutballs!

Mary starts out mad. Driving backwards through a drive-through. Upcoming episodes. Skippers. Cassette tapes. This is a Jerry Reed podcast now. Dental work. Power Hour negotiations. Mary doesn’t know how much anything costs. Mary wants us to go to a tea shop instead of camping. Cop cars and broken cars. White Snake. Mom doesn’t drive. Tickets. Mary drives backwards fast. Break. New Felix’s Best Ofs: Cat Type, Digital or Analog Clocks. Calculator watches. Hints: Prevent soggy pies. Denny’s story. Plaster repair tip. Keep egg yolks fresh. Close doors to save on heating costs. Trolls 2. Chokes in cars. Make unbaked pie crusts ahead of time.

Kelley here, I didn't listen to this ep, so no notes this week. Hope you enjoy.

Kelley intros. Ringo star. We’re not ranking shit. I lost the new best-of notebook. Darning update. Regional kids stuff. Batman. Laughing during story telling. Corner Gas. Ketchup vs. Catsup. Skippers. Monk fruit sugar substitute. Careful with your edibles. Ringo Star break. Mary’s murdering listeners. Kelley’s Hint List. Our show doesn’t use Price as Right Rules. Spay and neuter your animals. Vaccinate you kids. Winston Churchill. Vera’s email and hints. Top Pot Donuts (also in Texas, guys!). Buttermilk/sour milk. Wilber the pig. Keep your lettuce in paper towels, not cloth, so it doesn’t “rust.” Orris root for your handkerchiefs. Rotate your shoes. Superbowl predictions. Umpire Pants Out.

Meat Eaters Opinion. Weed strains and working high. Borat. Nightmares. Kelley’s childhood nickname. Driving with your lights off. Getting receipts. Break. Pepsi Challenge. Pepsi versus Coke. KFC. Diet Coke versus Coke Zero Sugar. Sprite versus 7-Up. Best Cake Flavor. Octopi versus Squid. Kelley’s Hint List and I stopped listening to the rest of th

Micros recording dreams. Breakfast tortellini. Pork rinds’ time to shine. If you can crawl you’re meat – seafood. Eggnog and 7-Up. Ewoks and Star Wars. Shout out to Guitar Center (Tyler). Darning update. Christmas tree bonfire 2019. Childhood lunchboxes. AM/PM burgers. Jack and the Box Tacos. Burger King Nuggets. Lizzo Break. Eggnog taste test. Old people like mint. Mr. Fireball. Pepsi Challenge coming up. Kelley’s Hint List: Boil Potatoes to Soak Up Too Much Salt. Vacuum Up Your Feathers. Some of us like a little pillow. Sausage Shrinking. Colorless lacquer on brass and copper. Germs don’t grow well on brass. Antiques Road Show. Grease your car gremlins. Romana Beasley. Lube Oil Filter. Perspiration stains. Umpire Pants Out.

We talk about a bunch of stuff, take a donut break, pay off a bit, and do hints.