Umpire Pants

Bill tries a new intro, Ricky Gervais, audio issues, Trump -> calligraphy -> head zookeper, pic of ice cream pie, baloney/bologna, Emily Dickinson, papier mache, root canal, soft hands, cat update, chainsaws, bad episodes, riding the bus, ComActRom, American Ninja Warrior, Bill's pants, incense, future dates, trashing space, caterpillar poison, favorite alley, breakfast, bridge, cassettes, smoked meat bones, automatic refrigerator, lock leather, treated dusters, hats, mop bucket casters, Simon update, floor cracks, when Mary gets old, Umpire Pants Out

All hints, sweetened peas, Zeppo gets involved, discarded men's shirts, cold tea, bad audio (ironic given the quality of Bill's mic), suede slippers/emery boards, Mercurochrome, ironing gravy stains, carrots and other long vegetables, olives, weed strains, woodwork stains, repair crayons, sweater girls -> buttonholes -> peanuts, saving fuel, toaster cleaning -> refrigerators -> Mr. Belvedere, thread bands, the wrong side, Umpire Pants Out

***WARNING BAD EPISODE***

I screwed up the recording of two episodes but they are so chock full of good content I couldn't bear to get rid of them entirely. It sounds really bad, like we're all on Skype or we're all in separate tin cans. So I'm uploading this but don't listen to it. It's so bad I didn't bother to listen and write down what we talked about so don't come cryin' to me if you don't heed my warnings and you listen to this and then we repeat ourselves later.

Bill screwed up the recording on two episodes, we're recording on Saturday morning, send pizzas to Kelley's house, podcast clothes, it's too early for beer, listeners in other countries, Zunes, Liverpool -> old comic strips -> Liverpool, Slick Watts, left handed, codpiece, 3rd ave. shops, dumpster diving, pedicures, mom falls down a lot, going to the dentist, going to the library, Facebook is bad, Twitter, tractor tire, listener homework, Bagwan -> podcast cult -> karate -> dungarees in Japanese - Umpire Pants Out

Episode 30: Freddie from Prince

Welcome Stens, state of the podcast, Mary can't use technology, Kelley does a spit take, bodily functions, pronouncing words, cat update, Trivial Pursuit, Freddie Mercury, Kelley's phone call, surveillance state, mascot, dunking donuts and coffee, Amazon streaming, break, nobody is ready, Kelley's Hint List, hanging clothes, Bill gets distracted, ammonia, shortening, theater of the mind, pub signs, removing wall paper, going to the movies, toy chest, loose linoleum, left handed, jacket potatoes, chicken skins and chicharrones, Umpire Pants Out

Skype training, Bill is a pessimist, is it is snowing or hailing (it was snowing), the mountain is out, Jean Godden, Mary is sick, we are distracted, Mary is back from London -> Italian Horn/Shamrock Tattoo -> London, setting off museum alarms, Bartell Drugs update, advertising, Bill panics, Stockton, mad cow, scooters -> catch phrase -> electric mall carts, Trump, valet parking, robbing old ladies, twitter is stupid, self-driving cars, dreams, bridges, Facebook, Presidents, echo cambers, guns, Olympics, Cool Runnings, don't come cryin' to me, chippendales, Ray Charles/BB King/Willie Nelson, Kelley's Hint List, paper towelling, bread update, chimney service man, oil boiler doors, liquid wax on bags, Umpire Pants Out

Episode XXVIII We Were Born Broadcasters

It is just Kelley, Bill, and Herman, everyone wants to be on, old Corollas, cutting ivy, we were born broadcasters, flip flops, lost shoes, beavers, tippy canoe, ferry, kewpie card, house smells, crop dusting, shaving cats, cat vacations, oh yeah!, Kelley's school magazine, making copies, stealing from work, Mr. Belvedere -> Dixieland jazz is great -> Leon Redbone -> Mr. Belvedere, gross syndicated shows, Herman's grade 1 poem, how old was Herman?, birthday suit, Dr. Demento, End Special Edition

Kelley and I are at her house, Mary is drinking in London and on Skype, Mary's dinner, under no circumstances,Snickers, Kelley should be on more, show pictures, sponsors, tallest and shortest, London, our show is funny, toilet turtle/frog, Bill hopes we get sued, Ghallager, Mary's burping/Ignatius, listeners, cats -> scarves -> ambient noise -> cats, How Women Should Deport Themselves, fat Americans, haircuts, break, Ladies Book of Manners, Lester the Sheep Molester, the elephant trick, bed tent, jeans and sweatsuits, hard hat, old actors, comedians, Kelley's hint List, Rodney Update, leftovers, cat update, Queen Victoria's crown (again), museums, muriatic acid, ants, open type unit, buckles and wringers, hair dryers, excersise belt, Umpire Pants Out

Mary is in London on Skype, the sound quality is bad, public transportation, Stonhenge, beer, Victoria and Albert, Bill makes an insanely bad Super Bowl prediction, the Patriots are boring, Kelley joins us, the show goes off the rails, cats, Geico commercial, Super Bowl commercials, Mary's smuggling, Bill is a responsible gun owner, robots that listen to podcasts, Starbucks cup update (cupdate), Sean Penn update, movies, we're getting better this, Bruce's graduation, camping is dark, Todd Glass/7-11 bathrooms, rough sleepers, dogs, service animals, fowl masseuse, Kelley's inlaws are visting, clydesdale puppies, Mary fell down the stairs -> easter eggs -> foot update -> the widowmaker, Kelley's hint list -> stuffing meat, pin feathers, Kelley locked herself out, Umpire Pants Out

We start fast, do we need music?, how to pronounce aunt, cleaner ants, Bill segues into Kelley's Hint List, paint onion, avocado pears, Bill's cheap phone, getting a cork out of an empty wine bottle -> ad giveaway -> ammonia -> high school chemistry, sterling silver Indian bracelets, polishing silver, school, barbecue meat -> hella -> charcoal grill substitute -> juice cans, messy barbecue grills, damping clothes in the shower, ironing clothes, Kelley doesn't have a toaster, Instant Pot, GoFo, Panini Party, Fig Jam/Leftover Salmon, Mary's blog/Facebook, vinegar cheese, day old bread, can't be et muffins, crustades/patty shells, croutons,dry crumb blanket, Chicken A La Alan King, home furnishing, cretonne, Kelley says her catch phrase, foode, Chuck E Cheese's, Great Wolf Lodge bouncy balls, boiling water/hydrogen peroxide for stains, cheese vs. cheeses, Umpire Pants Out