Umpire Pants

We're over halfway to 100 episodes, will we stop at 100 or 1000?, Vera's email -> Kelley's skirt, movies Pants Up or Pants Down, Branden, Canadian snacks, hats, camping, milk, Theano's Dairy, toilet paper review, washing up nuts, truck nuts, the Gong Show, pickle relish, Blind Date, break 35:17, Best of So Far: market, meal, Bill chokes, Kelley's Hint List: you should steal from work, wobbly furniture doors, cup hooks on brooms, how to do laundry/turkish towel, cornice board closet, leftover wallpaper, Umpire Pants Out

Episode 50: If I'm Off the Clock I'm Not Listening to This Shit

Golden anniversary, Bill misnumbered the last episode, half normal half hints, will Andrea come on the show?, Mary's surprise topic, famous houses, movies, real life Ignatius Reilly, environmental toilet paper, Scary Pinocchio, My Buddy/Chucky, Canadian Snack or Wack: Old Dutch Popcorn Twists, beer break, Ritzville, dyed ketchup, Prince jabot, Trump, BREAK, Best of So Far: jungle, lake, library, Kelley's Hint List, material cut the long way, brand new lease on sheet life, unsanitary flooded basement, regular grumps, Umpire Pants Out

Chasing the Flavor Dragon, Oh, you're bringing beer to the library?, Reg Grumps, Grumpire Pants

Kelley is back, Bill told her the wrong episode number, there is some ambient noise, we're starting sloppy again, placebo effect revisited, being hypnotized, fair scones, wedding in Canada, weeding in Canada, apple juice, new listener/drive-ins, camping, firelog, cats, foot, cysts, Seattle public access, BREAK (Bong Hit Championships 97), Kelley's taking Bill's job, housekeeper note, Best of So Far: inn, inscription, island, eggshell color, beet tops, grated orange rind in tea, fresh coffee, paint old moccasins, Bill hits the wall, Umpire Pants Out

It's still the 4th of July, Lily joins Mary and Bill, Felix may or may not have a topic, talk radio, umpire pants, we'rre rambling, why we hate the Fourth of July, cats, touch screens, AC/DC, Lily's vacuum cleaner fear, Daniel Tiger, Bill can't remember the name of Minority Report, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, fire hose pants, hosting, fire hydrant/water, Epley maneuver, placebo effect, Break, more placebo effect, Felix's fortune/isn't that fancy?, hello, Cannonball run, grocery store cashier small talk, meat sweats, sweat meats, shout out to the lunatics, series endings, don't wish people to be 94, George Burns and Bob Hope, Bill is in a trance state, more cashiers, Whole Foods sucks, legal fireworks, Eric Bogosian, Reno, music, Guanajuato mummies, pinches llaves/coma caca, Umpire Pants Out

We start sloppy, it's the 4th of July, Kelley is in Canada, NPR, one man play, food bitch tease, Vera's wedding, Mary has a hangover, Felix joins in, Alice (which was based on Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore), food bitch -> vegetarian food in Victoria, weird eggs benedict, our path to success with this podcast, Mariners, soccer, NBA, the weather is terrible, dadisms, fireworks, Aunt Mary's birthday, working, 4th of July address, fireworks, Simon update, Lily's towel story, My Best Fiend, favorite person, Bill hates Best of So Far, Mary's reading glasses, Umpire Pants Out

We pay off a bit, Skirt challenge, self censoring jokes, Bill's routine, Tim and Peter Gunn, t-skirt challenge, buying the shirts, Prince's hot dog board shorts, giant underwear, the spirit of the contest, jute twine, how the skirts were made, we describe the skirts, mom has little clown legs, Here Come The Judge, a winner is announced, BREAK, Best of So Far: harbor, David Harbor, Elliot Harbor, Vancouver Harbor, Fisherman's Wharf, Old Harbor, Highway, Life, H1, 101, 1, 2, 97, Hotel, Aranuez, Laguna Beach, Redding Travelodge/Bill's wipeout, Kelley's Hint List, clean your leather bag, oil old sweet potatoes, save rice water, p-e-n pin or p-i-n pin?, sideways drawers, rivet aluminum pans, oh shit train, souflee and tacos, Tom Leykis, perfume stains, buying a used car, Umpire Pants Out

Bill isn't ready, we're not talking about Trump, nutballs, shampoo bar/washing hair, shopping online, last episode, Mary unplugs the board, bamboo toothbrush, spendy, Bill's present, egg recipe, wikifeet, Bill gets hit in the head with a chair, BREAK, Best of So Far: Gallery -> Sea Galley/live episode -> Gallery -> birds walking out -> meeting Big Bird, lost looking for flamenco, barefoot in public, shattering the Ernst record, Golf Course -> guide -> Tahiti fishing -> bird guide book/hangin' bird -> boat ride up the Thames -> alive guide -> t-skirt challenge tease, Kelley's Hint List: dry clothes with an electric fan, use your fats over and over, camping/Las Vegas, Umpire Pants Out

Mary introduces, podcast clothes, Kelley predicts how the show will go, Mary and Kelley should do an episode, Mad Magazine, super specials are still coming, shampoo bar, Kelley's being bad again, bamboo toothbrushes, t-skirt... ...I lost the rest of the description and I'm not listening to it again, but we talk about songs Mary likes, celebrities that should have died young, quinoa in the luggage, and do the Best of So far and hints. I almost called this "Umpire Pants After Dark" because this was the latest we've ever recorded and you can really tell.

Lily and I sat down in the basement for a bonus episode where we talk over each other and ramble. I had to use the old mixer so the sound is a little wonky.

Driving, singing, Shrek, PE story, going to the dump, targeted adverstising, 9/11, age differences in technology, flying, old man stories, HGH, movies, confusing actors, old man music stories, metal, Umpire Pants Out

Kelley introduces, we can get better, Virginia listener, Vera's wedding, notes, weird things that Mary does, Fred Meyer stories -> porn guy -> camel toe lady -> Disney movies -> dog bite -> power hour -> crowns/triple crown, bad products -> Meater -> whisker dam -> grab opener, break, no more Shout out to Dinner, headphones, Best So Far -> drink -> drive -> encounter -> weed, pasta, celebrities in the wild, Kelley's Hint List chimney soot fertilizer -> rusty radiator -> dented cans -> emblematic(?) episodes of TV shows, Umpire Pants Out