Kelley is here, we are watching the AFC championship game, best of update, Bill talks too fast, spouse feedback, chill down, the point of this whole thing, umpire pants, swearing, accupuncture update, gout, mustard plaster, coffee, names, weird fishing game, grandma, weird meat, ponies aren't baby horses, Beethoven/Hawaii/deaf/Grutrude, itching and scratching, words/cops, Gahna record contract, swearing, Felix's play, Women's March, another visit from the meat truck, cat pictures, pants, Starbucks, don't use LOL, sleep walking and talking, peeing in weird places, Kelley's Hint List tease, Umpire Pants Out

@umpirepants

Daisojapan.com

Bill is more official, drops, Mary is going to London -> cheap seafood -> Mary doesn't like Daiso -> Great Wheels -> Kingdome -> foot update/hobos -> Kingdome -> Ken Griffey Jr.'s bat update, Mary's foot update (20:42 - 38:28 ) -> Sofie interrupts -> Halloween candy bar -> the International District -> checks -> Mary's story was long (16 minutes and counting), flip flops/Las Vegas, are we recording Mary from London?, Mary was early, Literally, Best Of, listeners, cute error messages -> architechture, so, theater of the mind/The Shadow, Heritage Festival -> bikes -> Derby Days -> Heritage Festival -> flour sack dresses, duct tape, Herman Edition, Umpire Pants Out

@umpirepants

Kelley and Felix are here, tightening our shit up, its the playoffs, this is the first episode 23, super bowl commercials, Bill makes a natural transition, Hamilton joke, Mary is going to London, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, listener feedback, old entertainers, Maude, Game of Thrones, Golden Girls, things you are still mad about from childhood, Mary is bad at texting, words Kelley has trouble saying, weird neighbors->lumpin' around London->Bill puts down his mic -> weird neighbors, Hinky Dinky, Kelley's Hint List -> typewriters-> driving through people's lawns -> banana oil, Umpire Pants Out

LaCroix, sugar in 7-up, Mary is deaf, cats -> getting scratched by cats -> compost -> cats, Bill teaches Mary about hosting, college football, Super Bowl predictions, Ohio, Kelley's Hint List -> live calls -> Mary can't find her glasses -> glycerine and elbow grease, collect a meat bonus -> soups and cheeses -> meat dip, Russel is on mic for the first time, oatmeal flavor -> weird recipes, scorched vegetables -> Pulp Fiction -> foot update, Umpire Pants Out

Bill's duties as host, listeners, recapping the last episode, non podcast listeners, Bill is low energy, Mary loves salt, Doritos, food Mary likes, Bill repeats cat tips, Simon update, saving the coal industry, baked beans, world interest, Kelley's easter egg, sisters in law, Mary almost says the funniest thing ever, Spanish lesson, selling bibles, Mad Magazine, Golden Girls, Party Records, Bob Newhart, Belly Bucking, Match Game, Bill hates Alec Baldwin, Nick Cage, celebrities we confuse with each other -> gay actors -> watching movies in school -> white people with afros, hair, loud cabinets, Donald Trump, Bill's foot update, Happy New Year, we should do an Easter episode, leaving things on top of your car -> big cell phone case -> Ken Griffey's statue's bat -> duplicate sculptures -> selling bibles -> hand signals to other drivers -> Bill can't give directions -> Segways/solo wheels -> pushing cats -> stuff faqlling out of trucks, travel mugs, Umpire Pants Out

Mary is sitting in the car, Lily and Bill start without her, it was just Christmas, having kids makes you more tidy, meatball subs, food contamination, loud ringtones, talking on the phone, fax machines, life before cell phones, No Holds Barred, more fax machines, cell phones, Mary shows up, Mary won't get the joke, Bill is tired of having a sprained foot, Alf, Mary is a bad driver, Dad doesn't read road signs, Bill adjusts the volume, Lily has good posture, morons, Mary is hysterical, old doctors, Denny's -> Baker -> Denny's -> Blazing Bagels -> Mary hates restaurants, Mary's soup, Bill's foot, barbecue bubble -> Mary doesn't like pizza -> barbecue, Dad's jackets and Bill's shoes, 9/11 Master of Disguise, His Girl Friday, Sunset Boulevard, Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer/Red Rose Tea, The Chipmunks - JFK impersonator -> Chipmunks, the worst era for cartoons, Jimmy Carter, Real People -> Chippendales -> Donkey Basketball -> Real People, cat tips, Umpire Pants Out

Bill panics in a good way, Mary figures out who opened for Chris Rock, Jitterbug phone, McDonald's cheeseburgers, Kelley doesn't like the last episode's name, we have a full house, Bill explains how he screwed up the last episode, Seattle Arena, samsquanches, bad neighbor update, fireworks, Office, Ernst, wallpaper, toilet frogs and bats, break (Nate Bargatze), people who look like each other, Dursting, Kelley asks what a bumper sticker means, Simon, Bill has a bad beard, Cat Person, Geico Commercial and Why It's Bad -> commercials in movie theaters -> Geico, murder, orange Hostess cupcakes, Bill is low energy sometimes, Kelley's Hint List -> tomatoes -> car dealer has never gone to a gas station -> sleep shaming -> cold medicine -> high fevers -> ramshackling -> murder is harder than baking -> Kelley's banana candy -> oily rags -> don't lie about your age -> boiling eggs -> everyone tries orange Hostess Cupcakes, Umpire Pants out

Mary is back, Bill recorded an episode by himself, who opened for Chris Rock?, Andrea and Herman don't listen, things we're not talking about anymore (bats, Ernst and Jafco), Christmas, hiding cars from the repo man, cars with a bow, orange cupcake tease, Pepperidge Farm gift box, Scrooge, McDonalds, cheeseburgers, ants and cartels, Simon is dumb update, Garrison Keillor update, more bats, curses, gypsies -> Marx Brothers -> San Miguelito -> gypsies, dad update, Pompano update, Bill's phone rings and he leaves for a while, Bill screws up and reaches a milestone, wrong email/cold babies, twins, having pictures blown up, mustachemen, grandma, Las Vegas, dive bars, Umpire Pants out

Simon, rabies, ants, Spanish teacher, rato/ratito, republicans, listeners, jail, Jimmies, submarines, Jeopardy, San Jose Costa Rica, killer bees/killer whales, scary kid things, kitchen gadgets, weekly yelling at dad segment, drinking water, echo update, 77 Corolla wagon, old cars, speaking and cooking, weekly Geico commercial, Umpire Pants out

@umpirepants

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernst_Home_Centers

Bill has no idea what episode it is (it is 16); technical difficulties, Ernst/Home Depot/Costco, Redmond, ducks, , libraries, penis jets, jungle update, burning, Alejandro, ants, bats, rabies, email, end zone celebrations, laundry port, weird old houses, homeless problem, self driving cars are not the future, we should shut the internet down, Facebook, old book and movie reviews, it's cool that we have a podcast/state of the podcast, wrong episode number, more technical difficulties, Geico commercial, superglue, public stories, Herbert update, Umpire Pants out.