Umpire Pants

The crew is all here, and Bill has a kerosene update. Bill went to a cabin and couldn’t figure out how to make coffee. We have a major update on a recent hint! We talk about shoes and clothes. Mary wants to know what we’d hoard, but we’re confused by her question. Trying unusual foods. Ice cream treats. The Gambler movie. Mary has taken up a new hobby – disc golf! Recipes from First Graders! Has Kelley ever made a cookie? Kelley’s Hint List! Use alcohol on mirrors. Test ammonia before using on fabric. Check wheel alignment twice a year. Umpire Pants Out!

It’s our spooky special Halloween episode! Kelley has a Halloween soundboard, so get ready for mis-timed spooky sounds! We talk about our favorite and least favorite Halloween candies, best costumes we’ve worn, and the last time we went trick-or-treating. Favorite scary movies. Mary’s childhood Texas Halloweens. Bill talks about some memorable Halloween parties. MARY MADE US REMOVE THE BREAK SONG - SORRY NUTBALLS. We return with our first “caller” listener Juniper! Juniper suggests a great invention – 3 Musketeers Oreo cookies. Are Cherry Coke and Kit-Kats a good combo? Our cousin Sherrie is the next “caller” and tells us about her kid’s Halloween plans and answers our questions. Umpire Pants Out!

It’s a Kelley and Mary episode. Bill will be back next week, and we’re looking for Halloween callers, so let us know if you’re available! Mary’s had another run-in with super glue and we discuss solutions. King Kong Vs. Donkey Kong – Kelley got them confused for a moment. We get into people that Mary gets confused with other people. Buying pumpkin pies. Mary tried disc golf, and she has some practicing to do. Should we make this drink with sour cream from an old Wrigley’s advertisement? Kelley and Mary had an exciting drive recently. Mary has come around on hum bao, but she needs to work on her souse chef skills. Kelley’s Hint List! Use rottenstone and sweet oil to clean brass. Unravel old sweaters and re-use the wool. Use ammonia or kerosene and borax to clean windows. Mary goes on about kerosene for awhile. Umpire Pants Out!

Mary and Kelley will be back next week, and Bill will be back someday, but until then, enjoy this classic Halloween episode Ep!

It's our Halloween episode, Bill got a sound board, Mary doesn't like Halloween, yo-yo routine scarecrow, Mary gets a phone call, turds, people not liking you, parties, bobbing for apples, costumes, Blues Brothers, gypsy (roma), wizard, princess, topical costumes, clown, food coloring face, candy, cat costume, pumpkins, we have a breakthrough, contest, Best of So Far, soup, souvenir, statue, Break, Canadian taste or test: hickory sticks, all dressed chips, taco chips, Puyallup fair, Umpire Pants Out!

We’re doing a short boy, and guys, we can’t help but bring Gumby right away. Bill found a five leaf clover. Mary hates everything, but a weed White Elephant is a good idea. Mary tried a new method to keep her cats off the counter. Mary pretends to not understand the concept of recycled fleece. We should bring back Redmond’s Heritage festival but make it a more inclusive cultural fesitval. Recipes from First Graders! Kelley’s Hint List!

We’re back in person, and Bill is worse than ever. Best American rock band? I think we’re sticking with CCR. The Space Force revealed their uniforms. Mary thought she found a perfect watch, but it turns out it’s more corporate than she thought. More Jeopardy talk, the host saga continues. Mary is searching for new furniture and we’re all trying to de-clutter since we’re still at home all the time. Supply chain issues. What’s the republican end-game with infecting as many as possible with Covid-19? The fury of being on hold for a long time. Recipes from First Graders! Kelley’s Hint List! Mary wants a chintz hint, but things aren’t looking great. When dusting furniture, don’t overlook light bulbs. Clean the drain in your freezer. Use a curtain rod to hold your shoes. Umpire Pants Out!

Bill is out with TMJ issues, but his testicles are also HUGE. Our dad Russel is here to tell a story of how he “almost” got in a fight. Mary’s Shit List of the Week: Modern Family is no longer on nightly. Mary found a wallet. Remember how bad your feet hurt as a kid? Mary has a bagel story (the story is mostly that she mean to the bagel guy). Get your FLU SHOTS folks! Kelley is really into Giant Vegetable Twitter. Kelley and Mary argue about giant pumpkins. Kelley’s Hint List! We read a repeat: Use urea to keep your plants healthy. Soak beans and dried fruit for shorter cooking times. Umpire Pants Out!

We come in hot and sloppy with this remote recording! Mary’s edibles got ruined by humidity. Oh Word! We talk about misunderstandings resulting from figuring things out when you’re thrown into another culture. Bill went to Megadeath. Mary didn’t listen to our podcast even though she was on an airplane for 10 hours this week, so we’ll talk about the best American band next week. Mary is mad someone drank her beer. Tune in to find out Gumby’s Dad’s name. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Costco Milk Chocolate Almonds. Mary makes a pro-dark chocolate argument. Mary’s wild cab ride in Costa Rica. Kelley and Herman had an exciting time down by the train tracks. Super Bol Predictions: Bill picks the Bills, Mary picks the Seahawks, and Kelley picks the Steelers. Kelley’s Hint List: Fix curtains with nail polish. We have a Seattle Joke Book to read from! Umpire Pants Out!

Mary is still in Costa Rica, but she’ll be back soon. Right off the bat, Kelley can’t pretend they aren’t recording two in a row. Do we even want to go to NFL games this year? Bill argues for CCR as the best American rock band, Kelley never put it together that Center Field was John Fogerty. Bill is going to Megadeath. Tell people when you like their stuff, and be quiet when you don’t. Ice Cream Truck of the Week: Being nice to entertainers you like (and the show Lady Dynamite and Paul F. Tomkins). The audacity of letting that Jeopardy host keep his job. Are buffets back, baby?! Either way, let’s go to Vegas now that weed is legal. Mary’s back and somehow very drunk again. We do some Recipes from First Graders! The Great British Bake Off and it’s confusing collections. GET VACCINATED FOLKS! Kelley’s Hint List! Clean the brush on your carpet sweeper. We read a repeat hint, but advise against putting nail polish on your salt shaker. Keep your piano in the light but out of the sun to keep the ivory white. You can finish cooking in the oven after the heat is off. Umpire Pants Out!

Kelley and Bill are together and Mary calls in for the second half. Bill wants more carved watermelons. The cat is fine days later, folks, but we do find out live on the air that Lima got a double dose of pills the day we recorded – and I was too lazy to edit it out! Bill goes to the doctor and gets typical doctor advice. Walking the dog. This is a Gumbo Podcast now. Kelley gets confused coming back from the break. Mary calls in from Costa Rica and it doesn’t sound great, but we do our best. Recipes from First Graders! What was the mystery noise behind Bill’s Dresser? Kelley’s Hint List! Clean your heat registers (and your AC filters). We read a really confusing downspout hint. Alter your clothes to get new outfits. Mary hussy-shames, and we end the show! Umpire Pants Out!