Seth, Taylor, and guest co-host, Abby Rosenberg, break down only the most important news headlines to get you through the week. Featuring: which home improvement store will best prepare you for Hurricane Dorian, a surprisingly boring real life origin story for a beloved DC villain, the baby craze in the synthesized meat industry, Vatican secrets revealed. #shovelyourmeatytruths #hardtobehere #hughsnotyourdaddy #babybranzino #impossibaby #bonecement #turntheotherbeak

We rehash our own personal run-ins with cults. Then singer and guitarist for Village Geniuses, Jonni Greth, comes on to talk cults and get into his own religious experiences. #rodstewartpregnancycast #hardcondition #benadrill #habitatforhorsemanity #rockpowerbottom #fascinazing #viscouscycle

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

Seth, Taylor, and guest co-host, Emma Lambiase, break down only the most important news headlines to get you through the week. Also, Intern Hans might have been there. We don’t remember. Featuring: our favorite VR games of the summer and guest astrology expert, Starling Big Astro, unpacks your horoscopes on a hot new segment called Uninformed Horoscopes. #ehsimon #wowimsotiny #quititkyle #supermariobrosinchrist #hititandquititkyle #starlingbigastro #taurusclench #heypisces

We whet your whistle with a wealth of whiskey wisdom. Then whiskey expert, bartender extraordinaire, and fellow podcaster, Kala Ellis, comes on to talk history, different types, and how to properly taste whiskey. #trianglewithlegs #roadbehind #jeffreydahmerandcoke #undergroundturtlepeople #nocrannies #wakemeupinsides

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

Seth, Taylor, and guest expert, digital farmer Chucky Bumpers, break down only the most important news headlines to get you through the week. Featuring: farmers pivot their efforts from the cornfields to the internet, a shocking reason not to save for retirement, just one more reason not to flush meth down your toilet, space tourism gets a makeover. #youchewbed #bitcorn #downstairsroyals #morningfop #bloodaldrin

We roll big on the creation of role-playing games and even play through an example game of our very own. Then Josh Unruh and Keith Potempa of the Heroes Guild come on to talk RPGs, story-telling, and teaching morality, ethics and teamwork to kids through cooperative games. #shirtbeards #maineboy69 #reallypopularguys

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

Seth and Taylor break down only the most important news headlines to get you through the week. Featuring: the who's who of animals to avoid on Instagram, Seinfeld's marital secrets, a baseball manager's elaborate attempts to maintain his roster, trapped passenger is all the rage on twitter. #followyournos #turchildren #bashlash #eatfreshchildren 

Outro: Cretin Beacon "would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?" soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

We christen you with the history of Theater’s Total American Christianity. Then pastor and history professor, Noah Stepro, comes on to talk faith, community, contextualizing the Bible, and autism spectrum disorder. #420bratzdollsblazeitemporium #foybriend #theaterstotalamerican #thenewcruiseaids

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

Seth, Taylor, and guest co-host, Hope Cantwell, break down only the most important news headlines to get you through the week. Featuring: a surprising celebrity publicity stunt deshelled, some fascinating ‘90s movie trivia, a gooey diagnosis of modern life, breaking down the frontrunners for the biggest pageant of all. #viennaboysausages #richardlowgere #gumbywasright #slimyleg #thisisstuff

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon

We titillate you with the sensual story of the invention of sex. Then sexy person, chef, and reader of our credits, Rachel Tumerman, comes on to talk sex, non-monogamy, vulnerability, and sex ed. #kneelsup #fatherroach #y2ksex

Outro: Cretin Beacon “would you like a coffee? would you like a creme?” soundcloud.com/cretinbeacon