Video Death Loop

The world wasn’t ready for the FlavorPro Injector. Noone was. Not you. Not me. Not the Rocket School where it was used to keep its inventor around because noone knew how to properly baste a meat despite having plenty of access to fire and potential cooking experience from the fire. He was a person of principle and that principle was “WHAT IF WE HAD MORE LIQUID IN THIS MEAT?!” That was his catchphrase. Everyone knew it because they had no choice. It was a rite of passage at Rocket School. You got basted one way or the other, and the man with the Flavor Pro was ready any time. Any time.

But like, not in a creepy way. He just wanted to inject thick sauces into meats. Don’t read into it any further. No, really don’t–

John Hurst is your host this week and he is allowed to leave a few minutes early to the non-benefit of science. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he thinks 4:3 is the perfect ration.

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It’s time to go to sleep, engineer! Get to the back to the caboose, where you sleep, I think. They didn’t pay for that insurance for nothing! And if they did, well, why did they do that?! While you’re going back there, tell them about our in-transit entertainment, which is nothing but the opening to the Hanna-Barbera Live Action Sitcom “Going Bananas” on loop until they can’t take it anymore. Keep them watching until they fight on top of the train like we know everyone secretly wants to do! We can’t keep them off the roof these days, you know! All pretending the terrorists or wendigos or what have you. Say, you’re not a wendigo, right? Didn’t eat any human flesh recently? Well, good. You know we have to check for that. Amtrak told us to. It’s in the employee video! Wendigo? Just say no!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he has bird questions! John Hurst is your co-host and he’s very tired at the zoo.

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It’s 2:04 in the afternoon. It’s time to start getting ready to go home from school. Or… Is it? Maybe you put on your sweatband. Maybe you put on your dancing gloves. Maybe you have the whole suit to go with it! The breakdance suit. Because you’re part of the Breakdance Club at your local high school and it’s time to GET SERIOUS. FOR BREAKDANCING. It’s the only thing stopping you from getting a 4.0 GPA somehow. Clubs are that serious. You’re going to get some serious legal rights to stream various things and you’re going for the high bar. You’re going to be doing all the flares, all the spins, all the things they taught you on that discarded VHS tape of Breakin’ you found at the dumpster of your Hollywood Video. It’s all on the line. So get to steppin’, fool!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s trying to work up to get free NFL Broadcasting rights. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has consulted a representative to make sure co-hosting duties are all up to date.

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It’s the night shift again. It’s time for you to close up. It was a busy day at your Arby’s franchise, but you feel like the service you gave was at least worth a “3” on the Customer Satisfaction Survey. Heck, maybe it was even a “4”! You’re satisfied. Still, the stress of the day builds up. You get out your Fushigi Magic Gravity ball and start relaxing straight away. Within it’s therapeutic chrome shell, you see the infinite masses of space sprawl before you. With a flick of the wrist, even first time users can control mere galaxies at their fingertips. It’s a good feeling. A powerful feeling. You start practicing the moves you learned on your Fushigi Magic Ball DVD, starting with the Prayer’s Cross. You hear a bell ring. It’s time to clock out.  Time to head to the old slicer!

It will make sense when you listen to the episode. Maybe.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s building up his anti-bacterial pool of nothing but Fushigi Magic Balls. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s writing up his Fushigi Magic Ball related light novel.

http://www.videodeathloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/VDL210226.mp3

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The Sandwich Artist beckons. Come. Enter the lair of magic and protein. Become filled with wonder about the amount of carbs and vegetable-based products in this laboratory of food. You are welcomed here. You and your hunger. We know why you have arrived in this nexus of hunger and salvation. It was not by choice. It was fate. See, we knew you’d be here. You saw the Uncharted 3 Subway ad with Nathan Drake on the television and you thought “boy, I guess I could have a sandwich sometime soon” and that sometime soon is right now, video gamer.  That leads us to the point. Pick out your protein. Is it the meatball sub? Of course it is. I knew it all along. The question remains though: What goes on it? This is where you can decide the fate of the free world. For  at least 30 minutes. Any longer and it’s going to get real soggy. Act quick. Act fresh. Subway.

John Hurst is your host this week and he doesn’t want any of that cardboard cheese on top of his bread. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he doesn’t care for John’s decision about cardboard cheese on top of bread.

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Matthew McConaughey! A man of action! Romance! The movies! He’s been in it all! But has he been in the Sahara? Yes, actually. He has been, in a movie no one can actually remember seeing but everyone thinks was kind of alright! Was he finding gold? Yeah, sure, maybe. Was he doing the action? All of it! Was he needing it to survive because it’s the only thing allowing him to still live and he’s got to find more faster and faster? Wait, hold on, don’t go yet! I still have 15 seconds to go on this elevator pitch and we’re not getting to the next floor anytime soon. Anyway, it’s a trilogy so I know you’re seeing those dollar signs, Paramount! Get Penelope Cruz right now!

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he wants to start some beef! Hurst is your co-host and he has a proposal for Sony’s new anime streaming acquisitions.

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What the hell is Cola? We don’t know! We don’t have access to the internet in this business room. It’s against corporate policy! We have a white board, some markers that are half dry and the most powerful tool we have at our disposal: Our minds! Now, let’s make some circles (use the green markers) open up a case of Shasta in all its different flavors (Also use the green Shasta) and let’s get to work! Now… Who has the Finnish book of epic poems on you? Hands in the air!

John Hurst is your host this week and he’s writing some laws for Kentucky! Aaron Littleton is your co-host this week and he has to go to the United Kingdom to settle a conflict.

http://www.videodeathloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/VDL210205.mp3

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You gotta make that content! Everyone’s doing it these days! If you don’t have a personal brand, you might as well be Personally Damned ™! You can hear this and more on my self-help audio cassette “Jumping Ropes Through Life”, which has been used by many successful people! Take virtual youtuber Korone Inugami, for instance! Here she is jumping rope! On the internet! What will they think of next? The next person thinking could be… YOU. Or could IT? Start today!

Also, this episode we send a meme to die in the sun, but only because the meme wanted to.

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Welcome to the meeting. Come inside. How you vibing? You vibing good. Well, worry not. While you’re  hear inside the sauna, you can let all your worries go away. Rest your head. Let your stress melt away. Listen to the music of Peter Gabriel play on the radio nearby. We only have one song, and it’s “Steam” by Peter Gabriel because it turns out licensing music for public play is kind of annoying. Sorry. But the sauna is nice. Enjoy your time. Your boss is here. He’s ready to make business decisions with you. That’s not a weird euphemism. He brought PowerPoint slides. They’re about profits. Did you remember to bring anything to the Business Sauna? Hope you have enough for everyone!

John Hurst is your host this week and he is checking everyone’s vibes at the door. Aaron Littleton is your co-host and he has a Graphing Calculator secret from the 90s for you.

http://www.videodeathloop.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/VDL210121.mp3

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It’s a Snow Day! A day of snow! Away from your school and all your fears! Nicklelodeon Movies knows what all the kids wants and they’re going to give it to you in spades (Get it? Spades? Because you need to use shovels for snow and– Okay, I’ll stop. I promise I’ll stop. Spades though!!–) That and comedians looking for a pay check. But what if the snow day could last forever? The kids know the secret.- Schuyler Fisk knows the secret. The real question is: Will you devote your life to the sun god for it?

Also maybe a slurpee machine.

Aaron Littleton is your host this week and he’s going to follow his heart. John Hurst is your co-host and he’s got to keep the knives sharp!

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