Wander Years

A father calls for an appeal to the Royal Rangers' decision to forbid the entrance of his trans daughter to the program. 

A young Mormon man calls the LDS headquarters and inquires about how to get the bloody stains out of his temple undergarments. 

Folks in Bethlehem, Pennsylvania, I am coming to you…join me at the Stabler Arena in Bethlehem on June 21…Come see the miracles God will provide you. Make sure and mark your calendars for my miracles crusade and see the power of the Lord Jesus Christ…for free tickets, call 1-800-433-1.

Opa! Come and taste what the Greeks can provide at Jehovah’s Gyros. We offer the best Greek food in all of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania. Whether you’d like kreatopoita, spanikopita, avgolemono soup, tzatziki, souvlaki, oktapodakia, dolmadikia, moussaka or something else you can’t pronounce, just point and we cook! So come on down to a top 3 central Midwest Pennsylvania Greek restaurant! OPA!!!

Serving Bethlehem since 1969, Second Peter is a place where all your wildest fantasies come true. Whether you like hanging out in our dark hallways, checking out our large selection of adult videos and marital aids, watching a new release in our state-of-the-art booths, or watching others wrestle, Second Peter is sure to please. We have recently upgraded our booths with new plexiglass and have re-taped our famous peter holes. Second Peter Adult Bookstore, where our motto is “crank one off and leave.” At Second Peter’s we believe in everyone’s right to sexual fantasy fulfillment with the one exception of play...Please stop asking us to on you, Ron Plants..

For a limited time at your local HeavenEleven convenience stores, buy two mock chicken leg Tornados and a bag of new Olean chips---folks, these are new chips that won’t make you fat--get a free Bash Brothers POG slammer...Eat as many chips as you want and don’t get fat! All for $1.99 at you local HeavenEleven. Oh thank seven for HeavenEleven! 

All US citizens are now eligible to get their immunity chips updated to stave off COVID-30. You don’t want your eyeballs to fall out, do you? If you want to visit your local Amazon restaurant, the only approved mask is an upside-down fishbowl. Remember, to stop COVID-30, we need to maintain the human chain. Grab the person next to you and don’t let go. This has been a public service announcement from the office of President Kardashian. 

All hail Emperor Elon Musk! He has finally freed us from the defiled Planet Earth, and has given us new life--this new life can be most fully realized at the Tubes at Tempe Terra. Start your sol at the nutrient center, where you will get all the sol’s vittles in one easy-to-take pill. Continue your sol by taking a soak in one of our luxurious, radiant-heated spas. After your soak, hop in one of our proprietary, pressurized pod rovers for a scenic cruise around the Olympus Mons supervolcano. Enjoy the most dust-free days anywhere on Mars at the Tubes at Tempe Terra. The Tubes at Tempe Terra has several housing options available, starting from the low 1.7 trillion Marscoin. Visit us today!

You know Linda, people have been backsliding since the dawn of time. We estimate that Backsliders Anonymous has saved 20 billion people from the fiery lake down below. Rich, people think of backsliding as hardcore drug usage, sexual perversions or habitual sins, but did you know that you can backslide by simply not letting your co-worker borrow your stapler? Your stapler? But what if I were low on staples?Sure, unless you’re low on staples...But I also couldn’t help but notice that you were listening to Cher in your cubicle, and she is not saved….huh, she is actually a gypsy. Those gypsies are such tricksters, just like Lucifer. Come to our next Backsliders Anonymous meeting in the basement of the Hungarian Evangelical Reformed Church….at 6 PM on Wednesday. This week, we will be featuring step 3 or our simple, 66-step process. Yes, step 3, where we cover Bermuda Shorts, and whether they don't cover enough of your leg. We still have coffee left from last week! We still have coffee from last week! And Famous Amos cookies can’t go stale if they started stale.

Attention casual potato chip eaters….If you or someone you know has recently eaten an entire bag of Olean branded chips by yourself and have noticed fluid leaking from your rectum, you may be diagnosed with anal seepage, anal leakage, fecal incontinence, accidental bowel leakage, or leaky anus, you may be entitled to compensation. Join the class-action lawsuit against Olean chips by calling the Shad-rack, Me-shack and Aben-dego Law Firm…………..TODAY!