Many caregivers struggle with decades-old promises to make sure to "never put Mom in a nursing home." When making that promise, most recall healthier times when the thought of entering a facility seemed far on the horizon. Reality sneaks up on the best of us, and we find ourselves faced with uncomfortable circumstances.

The promise's tether can quickly transform into a noose around the neck of a family caregiver unable to meet the demands of a horrific condition. From personal safety to medical expertise, caregivers easily find themselves outmatched by an affliction—and overpowered by guilt.

Despite the promise's sincerity, its roots often stem from ignorance about the peripheral havoc disease and injury can cause. Disparity and unsustainability quickly appear when a caregiver demands of herself what an entire paid staff of people in a memory care facility accomplishes. The promise must face honest scrutiny to reflect the commitment to caring for a loved one as best one can. When demands exceed ability, changes must occur—and help must be enlisted.

The challenge for caregivers is seeking counsel from objective, experienced, and trained individuals to regularly evaluate conditions and possible paths regularly. As we promise to care, let us also commit to caring well. We cannot direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. —Dolly Parton

FROM: A MINUTE FOR CAREGIVERS - WHEN EVERY DAY FEELS LIKE MONDAY