Western Promises

And remember... its just a podcast that's a week late! Sorry for disappointing everyone, please don't hate us, we can't take the Discord messages and Instagram DMs of people calling us losers and saying how much we've ruined their lives. Look, here's the thing - we're 3 men bordering middle age who live a life of mild luxury, some real executives, some real movers and shakers in our respective careers but we struggle - BOY do we struggle - with the expectations set upon us by our loved ones and our jobs. Think something like an episode of Mad Men or a song by The National - upper middle class white collar workers CAN suffer and are the frequent victims of existential crises. We turn this suffering into beautiful art where we listen to a deeply unwell, subnormal IQ man "review" video games in the 2000s. There are no online possibilities. But there is Japanese animation. And most importantly, you can't make a black or Chinese character in The Godfather PS2 game.

hey look it happens sometimes

hey check out this here: patreon.com/westernpromises (want to know why Beaumont died and is in hell now? want to hear an exclusive interview with Satan the devil himself? yeah, click that lil link playboy.

It is finally here, the office chair episode. we lost one host, but gained a beautiful discussion of office chairs. I really dont want to say too much here, it is best to go in blind. So, with out further doodoo, uh, here you go. #rattlethecage

jive on this lil neo, up in my damn hands, i be havin two pills that are different like. one of them mugs will install a copy of Enter the Matrix onto your personal computer and configure all of the settings for optimal performance. Now this other pill, that will pink sock you. The choice is hella yours, blood.

In all seriousness the economy is jacked the f up rn, fr fr. But did you know that most, if not all, economists recommend transferring most of your holdings into Western Promises Patreon subscriptions? its true actually. I couldnt believe it either but this is what is being discussed behind closed doors at the uppermost levels. Do yourself and your family a favor, just take my word for it without doing any independent research and follow this link: patreon.com/westernpromises

we are also doing cam shows and wiener ratings.

despite requesting the exact opposite, we are being tread upon. the brightest fires are always stamped out the quickest. but not us. not western promises. join us, join the resistance by taking a [redacted] to [redacted] and [redacted] while he watches from the corner slowly jacking off. or join patreon.com/westernpromises and we will do the heavy lifting.

Its the 2025 Kia Sorento Bug Chasing Summer Festival. Get ready to see your favorite bands compete in high octane mortal kombat. nevershoutnever headlining with the reanimated corpse of merle haggard. the best minds from MIT and the University of Phoenix got together and just dug up Merle's body and used 100% recycled tubing and windshield wiper fluid to bring him back to life, utilizing arcane hydraulics and webcam technology. youre not gonna want to miss this. all artists are coated in a special compound that makes them invisible to cameras and some eastern europeans. so you just gotta be there dude, you gotta make it out. we miss you, you know? we all know you have been having a hard time, and that sometimes it is easier to just pull away and isolate yourself, but everyone would love to see you. Mitchfa, Sully, and Costas were asking about you the other day at the dealership. we have all forgiven you man, i bet noone even remembers what happened last summer. that was just the title of a movie that came out in the late 90s man, not a fact about people's recollection of what you did or or didnt do last august. just come out bro, i got you a ticket. no pressure but i think it would be good for you, and for all of us. we need this.

what could be better? maybe this: patreon.com/westernpromises please subscribe. AI is coming for just our jobs, yours will be okay forever I promise so please follow the hyperlink, put in your bank info and then the rest is between you and god but if you ask me, this will make up for that horrible thing you did. that thing that would normally lock you in for an eternity in hell getting messed with by Satan and his bastards. his red bastards.

If you are worried about AI, if you were two credits short of an esteemed degree from ITT Tech before they were wrongfully closed by Obama, if you miss how every key on a keyboard could be pressed and sent at the same time through PS2 ports, if you love Kingdom Come Deliverance 2, if you believe children should be spanked in school, at home, at church, at gamestop, at the library, at the mall, on the moon, in a boat, in a moat, riding a goat. this is the podcast for you. oh tell your friends about the show and rate us on itunes and spotify, please. please, i know im asking a lot in this episode description, but its almost easter and im horny for engagement.

let me set the scene: you are freshly 19 years old. you have dedicated your life to Jehovah, both privately in prayer, and publicly through baptism. you have pursued a life in service to God, and devote a large amout of your time to proselytizing. You have never seen an R rated movie, you dont listen to rap or heavy metal music, and Wii Sports is your favorite video game. You take the big step of applying to Bethel after talking with your parents and the elders. A few weeks pass and you get the wonderful news that you have been accepted. You start making plans to move to NYC. You cant contain your excitement. You will get to go on an adventure in a new city and the best part is that you will be doing this, not for personal enjoyment, but to better serve your God who you truly have a personal relationship with. You quickly say a private prayer thanking Jehovah for allowing you this privilege and opportunity. What happens next, is in Gods hands.

What happens though is that you move into a small dorm with another extremely sheltered, sexually frustated 19 year old boy and being outside of direct supervision of your overbearing parents you engage in underage drinking and quickly find yourself wrestling the other boys in your underwear. Played as a joke, but you both are clearly getting something more out of this. This is how it happens. Trust me.

you ever just look at someone. really look at the. see what makes them tick? see how they respond to getting a text message, or how generous they are with the space they are taking up when someone moves to pass them in a crowded hallway? do you ever think about every single part of a man? down to the smallest discrete part?

would you like to? 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

what more is there to say. classic CLASSIC episode EPISODE this week. 2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-2-22-2- hosts only ONLY just for tonight

what are you waiting for kid? thje rest of your life is waiting