What The If?

What the if you got zapped by a shrink ray while walking past the physics department and your only hope of survival was convincing a colony of ants to take you in? Lycaenid butterfly caterpillars have been pulling this con for millions of years, hacking ant colonies with fake chemical IDs and rhythmic vibrational passwords to sneak past the bouncers. Once inside, some get the royal treatment in ant kindergarten while others take a much darker approach to fitting in that you really need to hear to believe.

Based on "The Password That Lets Caterpillars Hide in an Ant's Lair" by Rebecca Zambach, published in The New York Times.

https://www.nytimes.com/2026/02/25/science/caterpillar-ant-language.html?unlocked_article_code=1.R1A.pFPA.7vXnChlDK6D8&smid=url-share

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Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story!

Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What the if humans moved in schools — not classrooms, but like fish? Inspired by Carl Zimmer's New York Times article on how misinformation spreads among schooling fish, this episode explores a world where you can't go anywhere without your tightly synchronized pod. From navigating modern city life to figuring out what spooks a school of humans in the first place, things get weird fast. And the real science behind why fish school — and what happens when one of them panics for no reason — might just change how you think about your own posse.

Based on "For Real, A Natural History of Misinformation" by Carl Zimmer, published in The New York Times on Dec. 9, 2025. Read the full article for free with this gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/12/09/science/evolution-fish-misinformation.html?unlocked_article_code=1.PVA.RPcb.12w09kjCOLlu&smid=url-share

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When she's not studying zombie fungus at Harvard or helping us break the universe every week, our very own Gaby Paniccia writes science fiction. Her short story "The Automatic Grocery Store" is now featured on the popular podcast Escape Pod! Listen here: https://escapepod.org/2026/02/19/escape-pod-1033-the-automatic-grocery-store/

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Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif

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Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Visit https://whattheif.com/contact and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big!

Keep On IFFin', Philip, Matt & Gaby

MIT physicist David Kaiser is one of those rare scientists who can make mind-bending physics feel like a great conversation over coffee — funny, generous, and genuinely thrilled by what we still don't know. And what he's working on is wild. What the if the universe is packed with invisible black holes smaller than an atom? Dave thinks the mysterious "missing stuff" that holds galaxies together might not be some exotic undiscovered particle — it could be tiny black holes that formed a split second after the Big Bang. If he's right, a handful of them could be cruising through our solar system right now, and we might be able to catch one in the act just by watching Mars wobble. We also dig into whether a rogue black hole might have flattened a Siberian forest in 1908, and rest assured, the residents of Brooklyn have nothing to worry about.

Learn more about David Kaiser's primordial black hole research:

MIT PBH Research Group: https://sites.mit.edu/mitpbh/

David Kaiser's essay in the London Review of Books — a great accessible overview with historical context: https://www.lrb.co.uk/the-paper/v46/n11/david-kaiser/black-hole-flyby

The ultrahigh-energy neutrino paper (open access): https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/vnm4-7wdc

"Close Encounters of a Primordial Kind" — the Mars wobbles paper: https://journals.aps.org/prd/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevD.110.063533 (also available open access on arXiv: https://arxiv.org/abs/2312.17217)

Primordial black holes with QCD color charge (open access): https://journals.aps.org/prl/abstract/10.1103/PhysRevLett.132.231402

Full list of press coverage: https://sites.mit.edu/mitpbh/news/

Selected press coverage:

MIT News — Exotic black holes could be a byproduct of dark matter: https://news.mit.edu/2024/exotic-black-holes-could-be-dark-matter-byproduct-0606

MIT News — Mars wobble could be dark matter: https://news.mit.edu/2024/mars-wobble-could-be-dark-matter-mit-study-finds-0917

MIT News — Could a primordial black hole explain a mysteriously energetic neutrino?: https://news.mit.edu/2025/could-primordial-black-holes-last-burst-explain-mysteriously-energetic-neutrino-0918

CNN — Black holes and dark matter: https://www.cnn.com/2024/06/17/science/black-holes-dark-matter-scn/index.html

LA Times — Tiny black holes zipping through the solar system: https://www.latimes.com/science/story/2024-09-17/tiny-black-holes-zipping-through-the-solar-system

Scientific American — Dark matter black holes could fly through the solar system once a decade: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/dark-matter-black-holes-could-fly-through-the-solar-system-once-a-decade/

Quanta Magazine — Monster neutrino could be a messenger of ancient black holes: https://www.quantamagazine.org/monster-neutrino-could-be-a-messenger-of-ancient-black-holes-20260123/

APS Physics — "The Solar System as a Black Hole Detector" (Mars wobbles): https://physics.aps.org/articles/v17/s98

APS Physics — "New Suspect for Neutrino Signals" (neutrino paper): https://physics.aps.org/articles/v18/s124

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Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif

Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at [email protected] and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big!

Keep On IFFin',

Philip, Matt & Gaby

A conspiracy theory went viral claiming that on August 12th, 2026, Earth will lose gravity for seven seconds. The internet did what the internet does, and millions of people started talking about it. So we decided to take the question seriously — what the if gravity actually clocked out for seven seconds? Let's just say you might want to start shopping for bungee cords now. And maybe a bouncy castle. This episode was inspired by an Instagram post from the now-mysteriously-vanished user Mr. Donya OF, where all great science begins.

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Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story!

Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What the if a groundhog could actually predict the weather? Turns out Punxsutawney Phil would need way more than a shadow — we're talking a full groundhog space program, weather satellites, underground supercomputers, and a solar shade the size of western Pennsylvania. Welcome to the groundhog deep state, where fuzzy bureaucrats run atmospheric circulation models and control whether the sun shines on command. And here's the kicker — the whole setup might actually teach you why the weather forecast on your phone is one of civilization's most underappreciated miracles.

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Check out our membership rewards! Visit us at Patreon.com/Whattheif

Got an IF of your own? Want to have us consider your idea for a show topic? Send YOUR IF to us! Email us at [email protected] and let us know what's in your imagination. No idea is too small, or too big!

Keep On IFFin',

Philip, Matt & Gaby

We first shared this one on Super Bowl Sunday 2019 — what better weekend to bring back nature's ultimate underdog? Enjoy this encore presentation!

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The HAGFISH, little known, little respected... greatly feared... by sharks! Is the hagfish the Spiderman of the Sea? This little slimy fish can spit out a slimy blob that BLOWS UP REAL BIG. What the if... WE could defend ourselves like that? Imagine the sport! In celebration of the SUPER BOWL, we present a special episode: The SLIME BOWL. Let the games begin!

Don't miss an IF! Subscribe: linktr.ee/whattheifshow

Share your love of the IF! Drop us a review: itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1

THANKS and Keep On IFFin'!

-- Philip, Matt & Gaby

Planetary geologist Kirby Runyon from the Planetary Science Institute needs volunteers to map ancient impact melt flows on the moon from their home computers. What the if this went mainstream? Imagine science bars replacing sports bars, Twitch streams of competitive boulder counting, and reality TV dating shows where the best crater mapper wins. We explore a world where professional citizen scientists have mouse sponsorships and your doom-scrolling feed is full of discoveries instead of drama. Plus: the science of molten rock waterfalls and mountains that grew in minutes.

Ready to become a citizen scientist? Here's how to get started:

Join Kirby's project and start mapping boulders, craters, and ancient lava flows on the moon from your couch — mappers.psi.edu

Explore more citizen science projects where you can help map Mars, Mercury, and beyond, plus space podcasts hosted by Kirby's colleague Pamela Gay — cosmoquest.org

Learn about the Planetary Science Institute, the nonprofit where Kirby conducts NASA-funded research on Solar System exploration — psi.edu

Become a Planetary Partner and support Kirby and his colleagues as they advance world-class research and grassroots science outreach — psi.edu/planetary-partners

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REVIEW the show: itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1

SUBSCRIBE for free: pod.link/1250517051

EINSTEIN'S WAR by our very own MATT STANLEY is on sale now! The Washington Post says "Stanley is a storyteller par excellence." A starred review recipient from KIRKUS, PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY, and BOOKLIST. www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/60811…81524745417

Thanks & Keep On IFFin'!

-- Philip, Matt & Gaby

We're taking a break this week while Philip recovers from the 'double-whammy' of flu and COVID boosters. (Science works, but sometimes it makes you nap!)

However, we couldn't let January 7th pass unnoticed. On this day in 1610, Galileo first spotted Jupiter's moon, Io. To celebrate, we’ve unlocked the vault for an encore of one of our most popular episodes ever. Strap in for a tour of a lava-covered world with Robin Andrews in... "Walking on IO".

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DR. ROBIN GEORGE ANDREWS, science writer for The NY Times, National Geographic, Scientific American, and many more, joins us with an IF that'll keep you on your feet: What The IF we could walk on Jupiter's ultra volcanic moon, IO? Would you walk on a hot pizza? If so, you're ready for the trip! The views of Jupiter would be spectacular, but bring your kevlar umbrella because lava's gonna come flyin' out of the sky. One of the most spectacular places in the solar system, Io is also terribly mysterious, bizarre, and confusing to even the greatest scientists of our time. Pack your bags, bring some galoshes, and let's go!

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Robin Andrews is a doctor of experimental volcanology, a full-time freelance science journalist, a part-time photographer, a scientific consultant, an occasional lecturer, public speaker and explain-how-volcanoes-work TV guest, as well as a pending author of a rather curious book. He can tell you exactly how powerful the Death Star is, how cryovolcanoes on alien worlds work, why a supervolcano probably isn’t what you think it is, and why the Moon is shrinking. His work has appeared in THE NEW YORK TIMES, THE ATLANTIC, NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC, SCIENTIFIC AMERICAN, EARTHER, GIZMODO, FORBES, THE VERGE, ATLAS OBSCURA, DISCOVER MAGAZINE, WIRED and elsewhere.

VISIT his website: robingeorgeandrews.com

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REVIEW the show: itunes.apple.com/podcast/id1250517051?mt=2&ls=1

SUBSCRIBE for free: pod.link/1250517051

EINSTEIN'S WAR by our very own MATT STANLEY is on sale now! The Washington Post says "Stanley is a storyteller par excellence." A starred review recipient from KIRKUS, PUBLISHER'S WEEKLY, and BOOKLIST. www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/60811…81524745417

Thanks & Keep On IFFin'!

-- Philip, Matt & Gaby

What the if your New Year's resolution became a biological compulsion you literally could not ignore? Imagine waking up on January 1st with the same unstoppable urge that drives salmon to swim upstream, except instead of spawning, you absolutely must get to the gym three times a week. In this world, the darkness of winter triggers something deep in our ancient brain, locking us into whatever commitment we scribbled down at midnight. You'd have to rules-lawyer your own resolutions like a contract with a malicious genie. Society would develop rituals around helping eight-year-olds avoid accidentally resolving to rule the world. Plus, discover a surprising new theory about why Stonehenge exists that has everything to do with cabin fever and nothing to do with astronomy.

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Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story!

Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

What the if time suddenly started running backwards? Your breakfast un-eats itself, LEGO sets come pre-assembled, and you get younger every day. The dead have unfunerals, your room cleans itself, and teenagers slowly regress through middle school—backwards. Professor Ian Durham of Saint Anselm College stops by to explain the real physics behind time reversal and why photons might start shooting out of your eyeballs.

Want to see time reversal in action? Check out The Palindrome Paradox, the mind-bending short film Ian recommends: https://youtu.be/hUcXGv-NzFQ?si=X086RFpXEj0ZNJmX

Explore more physics at the Foundational Questions Institute—Ian's top 5 physics stories for 2025 will be out in a week or two on the FQxI Podcast Series: https://qspace.fqxi.org/podcasts

And check out FQxI Master Classes, where Ian's course on the nature of time will be out within the year: https://qspace.fqxi.org/qac

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Find out more about Gaby's science fiction short story!

Here are the links for the anthology. The physical copy can be ordered here : https://www.neonhemlock.com/books/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention

The ebook can be ordered here: https://www.neonhemlock.com/ebooks/luminescent-machinations-queer-tales-of-monumental-invention