Why Does My Partner

How is it that two people can live through the same thing and one person experiences it as traumatic and the other person experiences it in a completely different way?  The answer is often a combination of personal history, the language we use to process it, and DNA.  But perhaps the stickier question regarding trauma and relationships is, Why don’t you understand that this was traumatic for me?  It’s such a vulnerable ask and there is a root skill that is absolutely key here:  It requires us to cultivate our “second consciousness”, which is where our relational skills live and the agenda is always connection.  This episode is a rich one.  Listen in as Jules, Rebecca and Vickey offer some important tips and skills for both the sharer and the listener.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

This week, Jules, Vickey, and Rebecca consider the many reasons why our partners might worry that we are cheating on them.  The question really is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to how our thinking brains handle unknowns--fears, worries, insecurities.  Our partner’s implicit memories can be triggered by an action without them even being aware of it.  Or we may not know how to handle their insecurity, so the things we do out of a desire to protect them may come off as sketchy instead. Whatever the reason, the silver lining is always the opportunity for a conversation, not out of defensiveness, but out of curiosity.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Sooner or later, everyone reaches a point in their relationship when they ask, “Why did my partner even marry me at all?  Why are they with me?”  It’s a question that typically comes up when things have been hard for a while, which--surprise!--is completely normal.  Modern committed relationships are a spiritual journey.  There is a reason why we choose partners that stir up our stuff.  This week, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca share what comes up for them with this question, the wisdom they’ve accrued from making it through the other side of this tough phase in their own marriages, and the opportunity the question presents to each of us if we choose to take it.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Let’s talk about different options when it comes to therapy, get honest about what therapy feels like and help support you in going after what you want if therapy is right for you.  We also get curious about the differences between requests and demands and look at practices that would support both options.

That wraps up season 1 of the Why Does My Partner podcast. We’ll be working behind the scenes on season 2, and enjoying time off with our loves. Expect season 2 in mid-September 2021. In the meantime, do continue sending us your questions for future episodes and explore the two Bootcamp offerings we’ve added to the schedule, one in November of 2021 and one in February of 2022. Find more information and register to join us at whydoesmypartner.com, and while you are there, join our mailing list to be in the know when season 2 drops and all things Why Does My Partner. 

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Does your partner blame you for a ton of stuff?  Whether you are the blamer or the blame this episode is sure to help. In this one  we help you think through assessing what’s blaming and what’s not. We hope to inspire you to trade in loving firmness for harshness.  Let’s look at how blame hurts the person holding it as well as the person receiving it.  We’ll talk about not taking things personally, boundaries and clarity with love.  By the end of this one you’re gonna want to carry Qtips in your pocket.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

What happens when a situation is feeling unfair?  What if there are skills and deficits in each of you that are different...what if those differences drive you crazy?  We’ll face grief, talk about direct requests and face how hard it can be to live with each other and negotiate shared space.  What can we do to embody love towards ourselves and each other even while we face these challenges? We have answers, thoughts and ways to stoke the ambers of your own curiosity in this one.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

In this episode we take on the question "why does my partner get so emotional? Emotions are annoying and they don't serve a purpose anyway." And our answer begins with the science behind why emotions do matter and why they will run your life. Humans are meaning-making creatures and emotions play a vital role in that process. We are feeling beings, the question is: are we conscious of it or not? We nerd out on the fascinating brain science, including how logic and emotion work together to calm the brain. The skills lie in how to best get the logic and emotion to work together.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

We love this question from someone wondering about what’s going on inside them when they don't compliment their partner. And we take it as an invitation to explore Us Consciousness: Are you ‘Me focus’ or ‘Us focus’? Do you know if your agenda is connection or protection? It's a knowing that — how you’re doing, how I’m doing, how we are together — are all of equal importance. We also take a look at how compliments are received, what happens if your compliments fall into a black hole, and if withholding the compliment is a retaliation move. We discuss skills to help you shift into Us Consciousness, and why you'd want to.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Can we talk about normal marital hatred?  Yes, that’s true it is normal. We explore the three phases of a long term relationship, look at how to hold each other in warm regard even as we suck and get curious about why our partner gets up our bum so badly.  Can you hold yourself and your partner in love even when you do sucky human things?  We explore what makes it so hard and give tips on how to get better.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Let’s talk about touch, intimate touch, fun touch, how we communicate to our partners what touch we enjoy.  This is a light and fun episode and yes, we do talk about sex. We’ll get into how to learn about your own and each other's touch preferences, communicating about touch and enthusiastic consent.  

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.