Why Does My Partner

In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca answer a listener who asks the following question: “Recently, when my partner and I have been having conflict, I try to come from a place of curiosity, talking to them and saying things that I've noticed and then asking why that might be. They tell me they feel I'm trying to be their therapist. I can understand why they could see it that way, but it's not my intention. I've told them it isn't my intention that I'm just trying to understand their point of view, but they say it feels like I'm not trying to understand, but to analyze. Aren't those the same thing? Do you have advice for balancing between coming from a place of curiosity but not making them feel like I'm trying to be their therapist?”

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca answer listener question: “Why does my partner set me up to react when he makes controversial statements that are hurtful or mis-representational and expects that I don't react? And then when I react, he tells me that I'm being angry and that I'm wrong. And I always create a fuss about everything when I feel that if he had not said what he said, there wouldn't be an issue.” Is it about wanting to feel “right”? Can someone even make you feel a certain way? Is your interpretation about your partner’s tone, words, your own interpretation, or some combination of these things? Can you partner bring up something that's hard to hear in a way that wouldn't set you to react? When you know something is provocative and you do it anyway, what's your goal? Is this about connection and vulnerability? Join us for a lot of you-turns!

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Does it seem like your partner gets defensive and/or hurt most times when you disagree? Have you ever wondered what could be behind that feeling for them and how to create a space where you are still connected and feel safe even in moments of disagreement? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca discuss what could be happening internally with your partner, ways to examine your own words and intentions, and how to diffuse potential conflict and hurt feelings in these moments using compassion and communication.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Have you or your partner ever wondered how about opening your relationship? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca cover not only some of the many reasons partners might explore non-monogamy, how to communicate in a connected way about it, how to explore it carefully—and how to express if it doesn’t feel right for you. They share their experiences in working with a variety of partners in open relationships and offer resource material to help guide you through the world of consensual non-monogamy.

Books referenced in this episode:

Open Monogamy by Tammy Nelson

Polysecure by Jessica Fern

The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

How can you connect while communicating to your partner when they say things that they know (or may not know) will hurt you? Are they trying to be mean and malicious? Are they just trying to get your attention? How do you request that they stop doing it without escalating the interaction? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca analyze possible reasons why your partner might be doing this and how to ask them to stop doing it in a way that increases your understanding of each other.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Does your partner ever act like their mother or father? (Hint: we all do it sometimes.) In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca dive deep into this question and discover some truths that will make us rethink about not only why our partner does this, but how to interact with them when they do—and most importantly—how to use it as a chance to see your partner with more compassion and enhance connectedness.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Does your partner ever make assumptions about you that are more aligned with their mother or father than they are with you? Or do they react to you sometimes the way they would to their parent? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca tackle the topic of mimicking and modeling what a person grew up with and how extensive that mimicking can affect them on all levels—especially in romantic relationships. And be sure to tune in next week for the flip side of this question: “Why does my partner act like their mother or father?”

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

When we do something “for our partner”...why are we doing it? Are we really doing it for them, or are we doing it for ourselves? Do you end up blaming your partner and calling them “ungrateful”, etc? Or do you sink into a shame pit and believe you’re not doing enough for them to be appreciated? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca pull back the curtain and reveal some of the real reasons why this question is often self-focused and what we can learn about our relationship and about ourselves when we explore it.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Feeling worthless is always an awful experience no matter where the feeling originated, and it’s never okay to try to make someone else feel worthless. But are your partner’s actions causing you to feel this way? Are they abusive, or could there be other factors at play? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca get deep into some neuroscience to explain how our brains and bodies process emotions and thoughts to create stories in our heads—including those stories we carry around that determine how we feel about ourselves.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.

Why does my partner say they are focusing on "their stuff" but it doesn't seem like they are from the outside? Why do they point the finger back at us and tell us to just focus on our own “stuff”? In this episode, Jules, Vickey and Rebecca talk about several different reasons why you’re not seeing your partner’s internal work, how different people go about doing their internal work, and how to use sharing about each other’s “stuff” instead of judging as an opportunity for vulnerability and deeper connection.

Share your questions with us at whydoesmypartner.com/contact

If you want to dive in deeper, consider registering for our online Essential Skills Relationship Bootcamp. Open to individuals, couples and therapists. Learn more at whydoesmypartner.com/events

This podcast is not a substitute for therapy with a licensed provider.