A conversation about the gritty, messy experience of faith when the things you want are not a "not yet" but a "no", life as a mother of five adopted children while grieving a permanent infertility diagnosis, why sometimes we need to stop waiting for a miracle, trying again and being told “no” again by God after 20 years of accepting, the impact of life setbacks on marriage and being willing to get support, the spiritual framework that makes Chavie's faith possible, and choosing to live with joy even when life doesn’t go as planned.

Chavie Bruk is the host of Totally Unexpected!, a podcast featuring long-form interviews that uncover the one unexpected moment that shaped her guests’ lives. She is the author of a weekly blog on Substack, a sought-after public speaker, and a passionate advocate for adoption and infertility awareness. She and her husband are the directors of Chabad-Lubavitch of Montana, where they have spent nearly two decades building Jewish life out west and are the parents of five adopted children. She is an avid reader, traveler, fitness and health enthusiast, and endlessly curious about this messy ride we all call life.

Listen to Totally Unexpected! wherever you get your podcasts and read her blog at www.totallyunexpected.blog.

Chavie can be reached on Instagram @chaviebruk or by email at

[email protected]

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00:00 Introducing Chavie Bruk

02:52 Chavie introduces herself

04:23 Seasons of family vs. seasons of community service

08:39 Why she lets her community see the harder parts of her life

10:42 Permanent infertility diagnosis

15:33 Choosing to live fully inside the hardest years instead of just surviving them

17:22 The "why me" question — and how it eventually became "how"

20:11 Acceptance isn't linear — re-accepting the same grief at a deeper layer, years later

22:50 Holding grief and gratitude at the same time

23:09 Her unconventional relationship to miracles — the decision she made on her 30th birthday

26:02 When spiritual belief becomes spiritual bypassing — and how to tell the difference

29:12 On waiting: traveling with a child with special needs instead of waiting for "someday"

34:00 Living in the thick of life — why she started her podcast without waiting for it to be easier

35:25 The toll hard circumstances take on a marriage — and the stigma around therapy

40:24 Learning your couple's "trigger dance," and the tools that actually hold a marriage together

51:04Turning a canceled marriage-counseling slot into a standing weekly coffee date

53:16What it actually looks like to grieve a life that didn't turn out how you expected

54:11 The twinge she feels when someone close to her gets pregnant — and giving it room instead of shame

58:56 The story she's never said out loud before: a new fertility possibility reopens after 20 years

1:00:09 Saying no, then yes, then the test — and the result

1:02:20 "Why did You do that?" — wrestling openly with Hashem after the door closed again

1:04:38 What her therapist helped her see: this wasn't a setback, it was another layer of healing

1:07:07 "That's not my story" — choosing what this experience gets to mean

1:11:14 Not every "not yet" is a not-yet — sometimes it's a no, and that's its own form of faith

1:13:33 Faith isn't feeling good when things go well — it's staying okay when they don't

1:14:22 Why she teaches Tanya — the mechanics of the spiritual world as grounding, not platitude

1:17:18 Living in the present moment as the antidote to shame about the past and fear of the future

1:22:36 Real bitachon isn't toxic positivity — Hashem wants your anger too, not just your best behavior

1:24:47 What "messy" actually looks like behind a polished, recorded conversation

1:26:35 Knowing your own constitution — why she's "fire," not Zen, and why that's not a flaw to fix

1:28:03 Rapid fire & outro