If you live with constant criticism in your marriage to a dismissive-avoidant wife, this episode is for you.

You are not dealing with yelling or rage.
You are dealing with tone, looks, sighs, and sharp comments.
You feel smaller over time, even when you try to stay calm and loving.

What makes this worse is the imbalance.

She can criticize you freely.
But when you share a feeling, a need, or a concern, she reacts as if you attacked her.
Even gentle requests feel unsafe to her.

Over time, you begin to feel like the problem simply for having needs.

This episode explains why this happens in marriages with a dismissive-avoidant wife.
The goal is not to excuse her behavior.
The goal is not to fix her.
The goal is to help you stop taking her criticism as proof that you are failing.

At the core of dismissive avoidance is a deep wound called defectiveness.
This is a belief that says, “If someone really sees me, they will see something is wrong with me.”
This belief often forms in childhood emotional neglect, not chaos or abuse, but emotional absence.

Because vulnerability feels dangerous, criticism becomes safer than openness.
Criticism creates distance.
Distance helps her nervous system feel stable.

This episode explains why your needs feel like criticism to her body.
Your nervous system hears connection.
Her nervous system hears failure.

You will learn why defensiveness is not a choice but a reflex.
When shame activates, her system moves to protect itself.
That protection often looks like dismissal, blame, withdrawal, or harsh words.

This episode also explains flaw-finding and deactivation.
When intimacy pressure rises, her mind scans for reasons to pull away.
This helps her avoid shame and vulnerability, even though it damages the bond.

You will also hear how anxious-preoccupied husbands respond by trying harder.
You give more.
You ask for less.
You erase yourself to keep peace.

This does not heal the relationship.
It deepens the cycle.

The episode explains why talking alone does not fix this dynamic.
This is not a communication problem.
This is a nervous system problem.

Most important, this episode shifts the focus back to you.
You cannot control her reactions.
You can stop abandoning yourself.
You can stop carrying shame that was never yours.

If this episode connects with your experience and you want support, you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation. This is just a conversation about what is happening in your marriage and how coaching might work for you. There is no sales pitch and no pressure. We simply see if it feels like a good fit and how I can help.

You do not need to decide anything today.
But you can stop treating someone else’s unresolved shame as your failure.

Understanding this dynamic is not the end of the journey.
It is the start of self-respect.

If you struggle with life, marriage and relationships and are ready to thrive,check out the resources from Certified Professional Coach Bruce Abbott at https://SecureHusband.com.

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#saveyourmarriage #dismissiveavoidant 
#attachmenttheory
#attachmentstyles
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#avoidantattachment

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