back from the borderline

why you’re obsessed with people who can’t love you back


Listen Later

This episode examines limerence not as a personality flaw or a trendy attachment term, but as a learned psychological strategy that begins in childhood. Rather than treating obsession as irrational, we explore how it develops as a way to survive inconsistent, misattuned, or emotionally absent parenting, and how that same strategy later shows up in adult relationships.


This phenomenon explains why so many of us become fixated on emotionally unavailable partners and why the end of even a short relationship (or even a situationship) can feel devastating in a way that doesn’t match the actual reality of the situation. It’s why obsession often gets mislabeled as “love” or “passion.” We look at how the mind uses fantasy and idealization to stabilize itself and why emotionally unavailable people reliably trigger these patterns.


What This Episode Covers


  • What limerence actually is (and what it isn’t)
  • Why obsession often forms around people you barely know
  • How childhood coping strategies turn into adult romantic fixation
  • The role of emotional unavailability and intermittent reinforcement
  • Why intensity gets confused with intimacy and “fate”
  • How fantasy and projection stabilize the nervous system
  • The overlooked spiritual dimension of limerence and devotion
  • What it means to finally step out of the pattern without self-blame


UNLOCK BONUS EPISODES, VOICE NOTES & THE FULL ARCHIVE


Join the BFTB Patreon community and become a Premium Submarine, where you’ll unlock hundreds of hours of paywalled content I’ve been building since 2021.

Visit backfromtheborderline.com for free resources, updates, and everything else I offer.

Or go straight to patreon.com/backfromtheborderline to join now.


Once you’re in, you’ll get a private feed you can add to Spotify, Apple, or your favorite podcast app, so you can listen to every episode I’ve ever released, all in one place.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

...more
View all episodesView all episodes
Download on the App Store

back from the borderlineBy mollie adler

  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8
  • 4.8

4.8

499 ratings


More shows like back from the borderline

View all
The One You Feed by Eric Zimmer

The One You Feed

2,563 Listeners

For The Wild by For The Wild

For The Wild

1,169 Listeners

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson by Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson

Being Well with Forrest Hanson and Dr. Rick Hanson

2,503 Listeners

Living Myth by Michael Meade

Living Myth

1,021 Listeners

How to Survive the End of the World by How to Survive the End of the World

How to Survive the End of the World

2,161 Listeners

Emergence Magazine Podcast by Emergence Magazine

Emergence Magazine Podcast

503 Listeners

This Jungian Life Podcast by Joseph Lee, Deborah Stewart, Lisa Marchiano

This Jungian Life Podcast

1,648 Listeners

Ghost of a Podcast: Astrology & Advice with Jessica Lanyadoo by Jessica Lanyadoo

Ghost of a Podcast: Astrology & Advice with Jessica Lanyadoo

4,247 Listeners

The Emerald by Joshua Schrei

The Emerald

1,043 Listeners

Moonbeaming by Sarah Faith Gottesdiener

Moonbeaming

1,172 Listeners

Trauma Rewired by Elisabeth Kristof & Jennifer Wallace

Trauma Rewired

345 Listeners

Adult Child by Andrea Ashley

Adult Child

1,855 Listeners

Astrology of the Week Ahead with Chani Nicholas by CHANI

Astrology of the Week Ahead with Chani Nicholas

669 Listeners

Our Whole Childhood with Patrick Teahan by Patrick Teahan

Our Whole Childhood with Patrick Teahan

310 Listeners