Will & Luke Discuss

By Will & Luke DiscussEducation Self-Improvement

Will & Luke Discuss episodes

July 11, 2021#26 Radical Acceptance (Tara Brach, 2003)
This episode we look into Tara Brach's concept of Radical Acceptance, which explores ways of opening up to uncomfortable feelings with a compassionate attitude and willing acceptance. We look at the importance of the sacred pause, compassion in relationship, striving vs acceptance and not using mindfulness as a control strategy.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

4:40 The trance of unworthiness

11:25 Striving vs Acceptance

12:50 Person Centred Theory (Internal vs External Locus of Control)

17:30 Radical acceptance vs desire (Striving vs Acceptance) (Needs not as a response to threat)

25:10 Opening our heart (anticipation of pain makes us self preserve through stories)

32:15 The Sacred Pause (within interactions)

40:20 Compassion not as a means to 'achieve something'

41:35 Visualisation and Intention Setting 46:45 Acceptance in Relationship (Widening circle of compassion) (Not treating others as objects)

53:25 Awakening together and communication (Genuine intimacy)

1:00:00 Final Reflections (Sitting deeply with our feelings, not mindfulness as avoidance)
References: https://www.tarabrach.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/qLVRl_E5hYY
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 14 min
July 01, 2021#25 The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People (Stephen Covey, 1989)
From this seminal book in the self-help field, we start by discussing the maturity level of independence, and its three corresponding habits: Be Proactive; Begin with the End in Mind; and Put First Things First. We then move on to the three habits of interdependence: Think Win-Win; First Seek first to Understand, Then to Be Understood; and Synergise. We also explore ideas around: paradigm shifts; our circle of concern vs. circle of influence vs. circle of control; emotional security bank accounts; honesty; and integrity -- so much covered. We really liked this one!
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

06:15 What Covey defines as a habit

07:30 Principles vs Values

10:40 Production vs Production Capability (The maturity continuum)

14:30 Principle centre (example of a paradigm shift)

23:30 Habit 1 - Being Proactive (a private victory) (Circle of influence and concern) (Direct, indirect or no control)

37:00 Habit 3 - Putting first things first (Time quadrants) (Daily adapting/flexibility and subordinating to higher values)

49:40 Emotional internal security account deposits. Personal leadership (Habit 2)

55:55 Public Victories (Habits 4 Think Win/Win, 5 Seek first to understand before being understood, 6 Synergise) (Putting you map to one side)

1:04:30 Keeping to commitments. Honesty and Integrity

1:08:00 Emotional bank accounts and being present in each others company

1:12:45 Habit 4 Think Win/Win (No deal is an option)

1:23:05 Habits 6 - Synergise - Creative Cooperation

1:26:30 Habit 7 - Sharpen The Saw (Tone, Connection, Spirituality + Autonomy)

1:33:20 Final reflections
Find the book: https://www.franklincovey.co.uk/the-7-habits-of-highly-effective-people/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/I3MSlgI5-2Y
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 39 min
June 30, 2021#24 The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up (Marie Kondo, 2014)
More than just tidying, we unpack the spirit of the 'Konmari Method'. We discuss ideas such as: what items spark joy, restoring balance in one's personal space, letting go of the past, fear of the future, and the deeper meanings of the connections we have with our possessions. We also explore the wider implications of a balanced environment, and how tidying can harness our decision-making ability and our intuition about what's truly important.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introduction

07:43 The aspects of tiding up (Getting rid of things and putting things away) Perfection as the aim

11:40 Attitude of tidying up from Marie Kondo (Function, information and emotional attachment)

15:45 Identity and tidying up (Restoring psychological balance)

20:32 It's not about the amount of stuff you have/Lifestyle impacts/financial thoughts/charity donating

26:10 Gifting and others view on your discarding

31:40 We aren't taught to tidy

33:00 Minimalism vs Maree Kondo Method (Practical vs Emotional)

37:00 Clothes

45:15 Books + Diaries + Cards

52:40 Not just chucking stuff away for the sake of it. Healthy joy vs unhealthy attachment

54:30 Gifts

55:55 Wider implications (learning to listen to yourself and decision making) (Possessions as an extension of who you are)

59:50 Responsibility and Clarifying our wants

1:01:30 Miscellaneous + Mementos (either own them or don't)

1:03:30 Moving House and Visualising

1:07:37 Making a shrine

1:10:40 Final reflections
Buy the book at: https://konmari.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/pOFS32s1JfM
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 15 min
June 29, 2021#23 Meditations (Marcus Aurelius, 161-180AD)
We discuss some timeless wisdom from Roman Stoic (and Emperor!) Marcus Aurelius. Stoicism teaches us that our perception of the world is what determines how we feel, not the reality of the world itself. With that in mind, we cover ideas of striving vs. acceptance, active participation in life, a willing acceptance of 'fate', death, praise, goal setting, self-deception, values, truth, freedom, and the importance of working on one's character. This is one of Will's personal favourites.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

4:00 About Marcus Aurelius and the book

5:00 Overview of Stoicism (perceiving things objectively, active participation and cooperation with the world, willing acceptance of fate) 14:15 Structure of the book and links to current self-help books

17:30 Striving vs Acceptance (focusing on the moment, aiming high)

24:40 Working on your character, telling the truth, and self deception. 'If it's not right, don't do it. If it's not true, don't say it'

31:55 Striving, goals, and death

41:00 Each moment being a chance to choose your reaction and action. Choose now. Cost of goals ahead of means. Don't loose values in attainment of goals (we can forget).

46:55 You can choose to within at any given moment to renew (and others opinions)

49:11 Luke's stand outs (Other's praise, Death, Truth + Nature, Popular beliefs, Freedom through redirecting to be free from an old way of thinking, Harm through inaction)

57:45 Final thoughts
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/j-lAMUOxKlk
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr
June 28, 2021#22 Reflection on 2020 (Will & Luke, 2020)
This episode we reflect back over all the content we've consumed in 2020, and springboard some ideas for areas of growth in 2021.
00:00 Introductions

2:00 Habits (tracking and environment)

5:15 Sleep (winter vs summer)

8:00 Delayed gratification and self compassion

10:30 Black and white thinking. Striving vs Acceptance

13:00 Order and Structure

17:00 Incorporating self help content

18:35 4 Hour Work Week + Tony Robins - Time of Your Life

21:35 Boundaries and communication

25:55 Mindfulness and awareness raising (and it's negatives)

32:00 Toxic positivity (Accepting Inner life and behaviour and responsibility)

41:00 Reflections on the project (Remembering self vs experiencing self; Flow; Process vs Outcome; Examined vs Unexamined life)

47:45 Effortless progress and working against the culture/environment you're in

53:03 Benefits of religious cultures/pre-defined structures and groups

55:30 Lifestyle design

57:40 Final Reflections
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/gz0dpYlO2cw
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 2 min
June 27, 2021#21 12 Rules for Life (Jordan Peterson, 2018)
This episode we unpack Peterson's notions of self responsibility, values, defining goals and confronting chaos with truth and order. We also explore ideas around choice points, not sweeping things under the rug, telling the truth, clarifying motives, acting towards well-defined ends and allowing life to unfold. This book is a real call to action and a reflection on what's important, looking at the barriers to living purposeful and happy lives through the adoption of responsibility.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

4:00 Authors approach to writing

7:20 Treat yourself like someone you are responsible for helping

12:15 Being precise in your speech

13:25 Order vs Chaos (comfort zones)

17:30 Stop doing what you know not to be true. Denying reality.

24:10 Sweeping things under the rug - choice points

32:10 Self Authoring Program (Responsibility and control)

36:30 Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street (Appreciating beauty, being is becoming)

43:50 Humour as a strength

46:15 Sentiments of The 12 Rules

49:30 Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who someone else is today

54:40 Goal settings and processes (Also look at who you DON'T want to be). Enjoying the growth process

59:10 Assume the person you are talking to knows something you don't AND make friends with people who want the best for you

1:03:02 The benefit of being in new places and new beginnings

1:08:55 Cultural impacts on striving/success

1:13:00 Stand up straight with your shoulders back (Body language)

1:15:20 Final reflections
Purchase the book at: https://www.jordanbpeterson.com/ https://www.selfauthoring.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/04OLdD8PoWQ
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 19 min
June 26, 2021#20 Games People Play (Eric Berne, 1964)
From Eric Berne's seminal book 'Game People Play', we look at the ways in which people communicate and structure time through social intercourse and 'Games'. We explore our human needs for Stimulus, Recognition and Structure hunger, and how we utilise ego states (Parent, Adult or Child) and systems of structuring time (Rituals, Pastimes, Activities, Games or Intimacy) to get these needs met. We then explore how to interact with more intimate and authentic communication, sharing our inner life candidly, without utilising avoidance strategies. This was all really interesting.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

2:45 'Games' and 'Strokes' (Also, Time Structuring - Withdrawal, Rituals, Pastimes, Activity, Games & Intimacy)

6:50 What is a 'game' - ongoing ulterior transactions, well defined and predictable outcomes. Professional games and social games.

08:15 'Strokes' - through social intercourse we crave - Stimulus hunger, Recognition hunger and Structure hunger) and Pastimes (structured interval of time)

15:15 Ego States - Coherent system of behaviour patterns and feelings (Adult -critical or nurturing, Parent, Child - adaptive or free)

22:15 Complimentary and crossed transactions

28:43 Types of Games (Interior motives vs exterior communication)

45:45 Authentic communication through different ego states

53:50 Psychiatry

1:05:00 Final reflections
Purchase the book at: http://www.ericberne.com/games-people-play/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/B7_khM4I704
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 5 min
June 25, 2021#19 Winning Body Language (Mark Bowden, 2010)
This episode we discuss body-language expert, Mark Bowden's book, Winning Body Language. It ties in nicely with the last episode on Non-Violent Communication, which is largely based on speech. However, Bowden states that 93% of communication is non-verbal. Thus, we discuss how body language expresses our internal state, and how to use body language techniques, while remaining congruent. We explore posture, the various 'body planes', creating conditions of understanding and safety, our different tension states, ways to inject a 'story' into our message, asking for things and how to support others to feel safe and understood. Overall we look at how our body and voice can be utilised to convey the precise meaning we want. We really enjoyed this one and covered a fair bit of ground.
Hope you enjoy.
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

4:55 How messages come across during communication (93% - is non verbal) 8:00 Body plains (creating an open body language) (truth plane)

11:45 Body positioning

15:00 We are naturally geared to the negative

19:09 How we present the information and create the conditions (passion plane)

23:50 Talking on an in-breath

28:10 Facial expressions (and the indeterminate smile, head tilt, eye brow raise) (YES state)

34:00 Communication in conflict/disagreeance

38:30 Incongruent body language (when this is forced)

43:30 Different tension states (no tension, relaxed, neutral, deliberate, alert, agitated, entranced, total tension)

48:40 Luke's reflections

50:55 Injecting 'story' into communication (truth plane - passion plane - truth plane)

56:20 Supporting others to feel safe in communication when in their (space) (Boundaries - Conveying I'm here to give)

1:03:00 'Strokes' to support others to feel safe and handshakes

1:05:48 Final reflections (link to transactional analysis)
TED talk by Mark Bowden: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zpf8H_Dd40
Purchase the book at : https://truthplane.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/eBM-HbHwoow
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 8 min
June 25, 2021#18 Nonviolent Communication (Marshall Rosenberg)
This episode we cover one of Luke's favourite concepts around communication, Marshall Rosenberg's 'Non-Violent Communication'. We discuss the ideas of communicating with other's from a place of 'feelings' and 'needs' as a way of connecting with others, based on the principle that our feelings are indications of met (or unmet) needs and that the best communication is when we are voluntarily contributing to others' well being. This is opposed to language which moves us away from people such as labelling or casting judgement. We discuss ways to better communicate in conflict and when making requests. Also how to express empathy and really being able to connect deeper with other people when we converse with them. We also discuss developing language of gratitude in particular to giving specific feedback to others. Plenty covered in this one and lots of takeaways.
Hope you enjoy
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions and key concepts

4:45 About Marshall Rosenberg

8:20 Connecting with other people's feelings and needs during communication

9:40 Language to move away from the other (jackal language) (casting judgement, labelling)

14:40 Non 'violent' communication

18:00 Yes-saying jackals

23:15 Choice and it's relationship to communication (Denying responsibility)

25:35 Communication in conflict (noticing when we are responding to inner sense of anger, guilt, depression and shame - distortion of needs) (Concrete observation without judgement, feeling, need and request - not demand) (Speaking in giraffe)

34:15 Requests and saying no. Also finding our own language

40:55 Communicating with empathy (being present. not giving advice and not saying you understand)

46:32 Examples of a conflict we've had and seeing it through a Non-Violent communication framework

1:02:15 Use of communication to celebrate life and express gratitude (not just for conflict resolution)

1:07:40 Non-verbal communication

1:09:45 Final reflections
Purchase the book at: https://www.nonviolentcommunication.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/i7H8Tq7PV7E
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 13 min
June 24, 2021#17 Getting Things Done (David Allen, 2001/2015)
In this final part of our trio on productivity and lifestyle design, we discuss David Allen's productivity system, 'Getting Things Done' (GTD), a fresh way to look at all the 'things', 'tasks' and 'stuff' in one's life. GTD helps you feel safe that whatever you are doing is what you want to be doing, and feel ok with the things that you're not. It takes the responsibility of remembering away from your brain, to allow it room to do what it's good at -- creativity, planning and learning. Key values are: creating psychological space; encouraging engagement in life; and helping us not feel like we need to be anywhere else other than with the task at hand, leading to a sense of flow and confidence. It's very much a bottom up approach: Start with your 'stuff' and clear your head. Sound a bit confusing? I think we make sense of it.
Hope you enjoy
Will & Luke
00:00 Introductions

03:50 Luke's journey with 'Getting Things Done'. Creating an overview.

5:00 Closing of open loops. External storing system.

9:40 The inventory process and the 'inbox'

12:30 The 5 steps to mastering workflow (Capture what has our attention, Clarify what each item means, Organise - which presents options, then Reflect/Choose and Engage)

16:20 Next action steps + projects

18:43 4 Criteria for deciding on next actions (time available, energy available. context and priority)

20:16 Capturing (never have the same thought twice)

22:44 2 minute rule, next action list, deferring, protecting your calendar and 'waiting for' list. Or does it end up in 'reference' or 'someday' or 'tickler file'.

43:20 Some simple take aways instead of whole system (prioritising and categorising)

46:21 How to do something productive when lazy vs allowing yourself to relax knowing your 'stuff is organised'. Effects of procrastination. 49:20 Productivity and the remembering self. Personal accountability. More able to confidently say no.

54:00 Agreements with yourself (3 ways: 1. Don't make the agreement, 2. Complete the agreement 3. re-negotiate the agreement)

57:10 Bottom up approach. Start with your stuff!

1:04:30 Comparisons with 'The 4 Hour Work Week' and how the mind works with undefined 'stuff' and current responsibilities.

1:13:45 Will's take aways into current system (Next actions list, floater tasks, weekly review, ground level 'stuff')
Purchase the book at: https://gettingthingsdone.com/
This specific episode can also be seen on: https://youtu.be/tJThvNwbsEQ
Check our Youtube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1Y_SKLFpax13442jA3giaw/videos
Listen to us on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/2R1BRcriKWcvOU1XMJQhyW
Listen to us on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/will-luke-discuss/id1572512365
Listen to us on Google Podcasts: https://www.google.com/podcasts?feed=aHR0cHM6Ly9hbmNob3IuZm0vcy81Zjk2YTNmYy9wb2RjYXN0L3Jzcw==
Also available on: Anchor, Breaker, Pocket Casts, Radio Public.
1 hr 20 min

About Will & Luke Discuss

From the publisher's feed

Lifelong friends, Will (Mental Health Social Worker, Australia) and Luke (Psychotherapist, UK), discuss influential books on personal growth, across fields of Psychology, Psychotherapy, Philosophy, Self-help and more.

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Will & Luke Discuss

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