Win Stupid Prizes

It's spooky season and we've started seeing things... or have we? It's about time the world got a little less certain so we're pitching for a brand new cryptid! The problem is, one of the things we've been seeing in the corner of our eyes is actually there.

In this episode; Eddie eats garbage, Jamie waits patiently for a delivery, and Bear is in your walls. All the while Judge Alex discovers a list of things they wish weren't real.

We put a spin on family favourites Bigfoot and Mothman, and we also bring some new contenders from existing franchises like Pokémon and McDonalds. We also ask whether some jokes we all know and love been unknowable forces all along?

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Bluesky: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 What is a cryptid?

01:25 Bighand

06:01 Grimace

13:42 ur mom

19:46 Trubbish

27:43 WiFly

34:37 The Postman / Evriman

40:56 And the winner is...

Once every four years (or two if you don't forget about the Winter Olympics like we did) the world's finest athletes come together to figure out who is the best at doing a bunch of stuff. We mostly ignore that and instead just try to cheat, steal, or otherwise acquire as many gold medals as possible; in an episode which would more aptly be titled "Who would bring the most gold medals home from the Olympics?"

Jamie only uses one arm, Eddie uses a third arm, and Alex doesn't use any legs. All of us also incapacitate most of the other competitors in various ways, but it's all above board, we checked the rulebook, don't worry about it! Oh also the Olympics are underwater now.

The nonsense here includes spies, contraptions, magical curses, just straight up magic, multiverse theory, Atlantis, and DC Comics. Despite the death, most of our answers are the good guys!

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 Who could bring the most gold medals home?

01:57 James Bond

09:57 Inspector Gadget

15:36 King Midas

23:14 Booker DeWitt

33:35 Ariel (The Little Mermaid)

41:05 Clayface

49:12 And the winner is...

Years ago we established the best game to be an NPC in, now it's time for the opposite: which video game is it worst to be an NPC in?

Jamie needs 10 wolf pelts, Eddie blocks a toilet, Jamie needs 10 wolf pelts, Paul just is, and Jamie needs 10 wolf pelts. Meanwhile Judge Alex faces the existential horror presented to them like someone who can level up.

We could've guessed that an RPGs would be pretty bad, we brought 3 of them after all (Action RPG companion, JRPG, MMORPG). But who would've suspected the terrors of platformers, puzzle games, and cosy games? Oh, you did, did you? Well butter my biscuit.

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 The sequel nobody expected!

1:19 Skyrim

11:08 Animal Crossing

18:30 Pokémon

27:43 Any Mario game

33:55 An MMO

39:50 Baba Is You

45:45 And the winner is...

Dinosaurs are pretty cool, but what's even cooler is dead dinosaurs, aka fossils. The only problem is the meteor which wiped them out has gone missing. So with nothing but the shirt off our back and a time machine, can we figure out a way to extinct the dinosaurs?

Eddie follows in Keanu Reeves' footsteps, Alex gains the rights to the world's oil supply, and Paul gives a gorilla a gun. Meanwhile Judge Jamie realises the mistake he made in giving these three fools access to a time machine.

Whether you get your hands dirty and do it yourself, find some experts to get the job done for you, or just bring in a third-party and really hope it works out; as long as the dinos are dead and the timeline isn't too different, everything will be fine!

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Bluesky: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 So we're missing a meteor...

1:40 Use a different animal

9:47 Mortal Kombat tournament

16:15 Become a wizard

23:25 A biblical flood

28:36 Get Disney to do it

32:54 Bill & Ted it

40:02 And the winner is...

Superheroes waste their powers preventing crime, they could make much more money by DOING crime! But what superpower would be the best at robbing a bank?

Eddie becomes a law abiding citizen, Alex asks out a bank teller, and Jamie eats some cheese. Meanwhile, Judge Bear does a big fart.

It doesn't matter if it's daylight robbery, a heist, or changing your name to Rob Bank and winning on a technicality, as long as you get the gold bars out of the vault you win.

Check out The Wolf Is Dead on Steam: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1786320/The_Wolf_Is_Dead

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 Crime doesn't pay, but super-crime does!

2:00 Material Transmutation

9:58 Skeleton Powers

20:12 Talk to Animals

30:58 Transmute Self

39:11 Psychic Paper

47:31 Spidey-Sense

55:27 And the winner is...

The Doctor Who writers are clearly running out of ideas given they keep coming back to David Tennant, but thankfully we're here to help. The question "Doctor Who?" has never been more relevant because we're pitching people to play the next version of The Doctor!

In this episode Eddie turns The Master into a cat, Alex converts a duck into a Cyberman, and Jamie makes the Daleks do martial arts.

We're exploring characters from Back to the Future, Looney Tunes, Ian Fleming's 007, Pokémon, Arthurian Legend, and The Power Rangers to see which of them can best emulate the titular Time Lord.

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 Doctor What?

2:02 Dr. Emmett Brown

8:14 Bugs Bunny

17:52 James Bond

26:13 Ash Ketchum

34:57 King Arthur

41:20 Zordon

47:11 And the winner is...

In Highlander there can only be one immortal, but there are a few other things we'd like there to be a lot less of - only one of, in fact. So we're going to let some heads roll and their powers be absorbed to figure out what is the ultimate thing to Highlander.

In today's Quickening: Jamie ruins science, Alex hosts a joust, and Eddie fights Joe Rogan as we all come up with fast rules and catchy taglines for the various battle royales we need in order to end up with only one of that thing.

We're beheading Kings and Queens, absorbing the power of literature and conversation, setting science and mathematics back hundreds of years, and even watching a train on a horse fight a horse riding a horse. This is a thinkening like you've never seen before.

To sponsor the show, lodge a complaint, or help us fight Joe Rogan, please email [email protected]

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Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 How does one "Highlander"?

1:20 Monarch

13:24 Book

19:34 Podcast

28:14 SI unit

37:20 Infinity

43:35 Mode of Transport

49:59 And the winner is...

Plumbing just isn't paying the bills any more and the movie pay checks only go so far, so Mario needs a career change. But in what industry would Mario not just survive, but thrive?

Paul wants Mario to eliminate the competition, Eddie suggests a life of crime, and Alex sits back as Judge Bear trials a bunch of voice lines in place of their answers.

More accurately, we've got Olympic glitches, bug squashing, Charles Martinet x Chris Pratt, vault heists, Agent 47, and career counsellor all as potential options for Mario.

We also accidentally pitch several excellent video game ideas. If you work at Nintendo get in touch so we can discuss royalties.

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 Why is Mario looking for work?

2:15 Athlete

9:34 Pest control

15:33 Voice actor

21:22 Bank robber

27:07 Hitman

33:41 Job coach

39:54 And the winner is...

How would you like to relive the Bubonic Plague? How about help build the Pyramids? OK well what about having your Saturdays locked behind paid DLC? If you think these ideas are good we've got even more as we try to improve the calendar in this episode!

Jamie organises a Smite tournament, Bear eliminates scheduling, and Eddie makes everyone a woman for a day, as Judge Alex just tries to figure out what month it is.

We've got microtransactions and divine actions, randomisation and political implementation, history and herstory in our calendar balance patch pitches. Do any of them make a lick of sense?

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Ko-fi: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠hexagorgon⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

Multimedia Internet CD-Rom Flash Wipe Cartoon 01 from the Adobe Sound Library

0:00 Can we fix the calendar?

1:34 Season Passes

15:18 Revisit limited-time events

22:04 Mandatory National Holidays

27:46 More god days

35:20 Randomised months

45:18 Governmental Department for the Calendar

51:18 And the winner is...

We all know that Pokémon is running out of ideas, but it turns out there's a simple solution: Just change the location! We've got 6 totally original ideas for The Pokémon Company to explore, and they definitely won't all involve lengthy copyright battles.

Eddie suggests the most extreme places he could find on Earth, Bear goes to the most bizarre places he could find not on Earth, and Alex pitches the most magical places of them all... Meanwhile, Judge Jamie gets baffled by the new status conditions we're adding: Decapitation, Wanted Levels, and Dead (yes, Decapitation and Dead are different things).

We explore some realistic Pokémon settings such as The Big Apple and Christmas, as well as some weirder choices involving Dinosaurs and A Galaxy Far Far Away, and finally some truly original content from Frank Herbert and Lewis Carroll. If Pokémon was already weird enough for you then good luck with this episode!

Website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.hexagorgon.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Credits:

Stars Align by The 126ers on the YouTube Audio Library

0:00 Why does Santa need a job?

1:27 Jurassic Park

10:24 Wonderland

18:35 A Galaxy Far Far Away (Star Wars)

27:09 The North Pole

37:02 Arrakis (Dune)

43:53 New York

52:54 And the winner is...