Brittany’s dad invents a toilet that "works exactly as advertised." She helps him sell them and never once laughs. Ali’s mom has a crush on her carpet cleaner, but he’s only interested in birds. Ali and Brittany do impressions of crows. A man starts a ketchup business and forces his friends to act in a script he wrote about it.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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We’re joined by special guest, Onika McLean!! Onika gets high, asks a friend to follower her, then almost calls the cops. Having ADHD is like a Parent Teachers Association in your head. Ali could recognize her mom’s bush in a lineup. Brittany accidentally pranks her grandparents into cleaning up fake dog sh*t. 

Follow Onika McLean @onikacomedy, and check out her podcast Generation X to Z.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay

In her college admission essay, Ali equates joining an improv team to a famous Tarantino scene. Brittany writes Mission To Mars and Gravity, and accidentally Rick Rolls Comedy Central. A man begs his wife to let him distribute her teeth when she dies. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Brittany has a sex dream about a friend that was not at all sexual, and sees a ghost balloon. Ali gets to meet RuPaul, but then her dead dog spoils it. The podcast gets renamed “Panasonic.” A couple forces their wedding guests to wear and act out hand puppets. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Josh Johnson—our very special guest and friend—won’t jump up and down with excitement until he reaches $1 million net worth, or gets sent back in time to the release date of Mrs. Doubtfire. Brittany thinks talking about throwing dead bodies into a lake is relatable. A woman who falls after getting her heels stuck in the subway grating tries to matrix herself out of it. A girlfriend gets placeboed into eating plain spaghetti.

Check out Josh’s special on Peacock, listen to his pod, “The Josh Johnson Show”, and come see him (and Brittany!) live every Wednesday at Ambush Comedy (@ambushcomedy)

Follow Josh on instagram @joshjohnsoncomedy. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Ali and Brittany recap their traumatic experience of having to listen to themselves talk about dogs for way too long on an ep of the pod. Brittany goes speed dating and meets nine engineers and one guy who probably murdered somebody. Ali gaslights everyone she loves but only about coffee and popcorn. A dude is mad at his girlfriend about an energy drink. A stranger chronicles their rocky relationship. 

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Ali tries to trick Brittany into taking an online test that Brittany already knows everything about. A hot doctor makes Brittany too nervous to ask important questions about a procedure, and she's still not sure if they’re dating! A grown man with PTSD about carrots tries to redeem himself at a high school reunion.

For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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You’ll love this week’s guest—Maggie Lalley! She had THIS POD on her vision board and look what happened! Maggie gets herself out of her mental spiral on United Airlines by criticizing a colleague for not even having a musical. Hey did you know that if you play her musical, “Sex Witch,” backwards it becomes a hymn? Brittany can’t get over a date’s very cold, wet mouth, and goes to a fluoride protest just for the hang. Ali is afraid to talk too much about her new obsession with air marshals. A young woman begins to lose all her relationships because she can’t stop talking about rats.  

If you’re in New York, you have to go see Maggie’s musical, “Sex Witch,” at SOHO Playhouse April 19-May 6. Get tickets at https://www.sohoplayhouse.com/sex-witch-the-musical

Follow Maggie on instagram @magslals. For clips and pics, follow the pod @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Brittany gets high on life and Tetris and becomes a dude for the night. Ali smokes weed for the first time, causing Jesus to lose a limb and her mom to go the hospital. A man acts like he’s writing a book, throws a steak at a window then decides to eat dust.

For clips and pics, follow the pod on instagram @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

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Brittany sees an alien and ectoplasm at the same time, and bonds with her brothers by puking in piles. Ali gets mono, flashes her doctor, and draws her mom with huge knockers. A husband is only asking two things of his wife: for her to knit hats and cease developing mentally.

For clips and pics, follow the pod on instagram @worthlessclowns, Brittany @brittonuscardwell, and Ali @itsalioneil

Want your stupid story on the pod? Email us at [email protected]

theme music by Adam Turay