Yelling From a Distance

Welcome to the world of strange news. In this episode we take a quick look at some of the weirder news that I've stumbled upon this past week. First we take a look at the story that Lil Uzi Vert had his forehead diamond ripped off during a stage dive - sounds painful. Then we talk about a woman who got arrested while trying to extort the police for reward money. The Federal Government is finally looking broken ice-cream machines at McDonalds - this is something we all need answers to! The female President of Tanzania is getting slammed for statements that she made about female football players. A dude also cut his penis off while driving - yep, that happened this week. Someone screwed a black dildo atop a old-town gazebo. A UK Judge ordered a young white supremacist to read more classical litterature instead of putting him in prison... 

This week the FDA had to make a statement that people should not use medicine meant for animals to treat Covid-19. While you process that fact you can also listen to other news items in this episode such as: a landlord trying to rent out a bathroom as a "working space", a woman shot a guy because she was using a gun as a pet toy, rescue team mistakes a man napping on the river as a down victim. One of the biggest news items was the fact that OnlyFans are banning sexual content on its platform. An emotional HR exec might be facing 15 years in prison because she reacted extremely poor when she got fired. A pastor in Zimbabwe dies after claiming that he had supernatural powers and could be buried alive. Also, Soulja Boy is still out of his damn mind!

This episode is filled with some of the weirdest news stories that we've had in a good while! A constituent urges the Governor to change his foul, dirty and obscene last name. A man with a disgusting foot-fetish makes over a thousand calls to the emergency serveses. A man also flew a helicopter to Dairy Queen to buy ice cream cake - which is the only correct way to arrive at a Dairy Queen! Russian millionaire mistakes a man for a Brown Bear and kills him - basically the most Russian story that you've ever heard. Florida man has no sense and jumps a fence and then taunts Jaguars at a Zoo - naturally, things go as you think they went. Man fails to rob a bank due to his handwriting being so poor that the cashier could not read it. Man is facing charges after a video of him tattooing a child inside a McDonalds goes viral...

Thai man is going to be operantly disfigured after he had his penis stuck in a padlock for two weeks... yeah, it's been a wild week!

In this week of strange news we dive into a few stories from around the world. Before we get into all of that, I talked about the first full week of stand-up that I've had since all of the craziness went down last year - it almost feels surreal that we are now able to actually go out do shows. In this episode I talk about a woman that is a serial pooper and use to shit on people's lawns while on her run. We also talk about the fact that President Joe Biden lied about driving trucks - I dont know why anybody would do that. Then we get into the story of a Florida man that build his own Vessel powered by pedals - a total legend. We also cover the crazy story of an Ohio woman that ran a red light, smashing into two cars and a house with her daughter in the passenger seat - just because she had lot her job. This week we also found out that Jason Kid has the "Coach Cater-syndrome".

Hey - we are back online!

Hope you're doing well. This episode I talked about bars opening up more in Denmark. I also talk about going to a museum with a comedian friend, where we looked at stuff and played chess. In this episode we cover Swedish prisoners taking guards hostage and demanding pizza, Doritos offered 20,000 dollars to a teenager for a puppy chip. Then we go into the story of an Australian professor that was convicted of sending herself threatening letter. The organizers of the Tokyo Olympics are asking athletes not to use the condoms that they have distributed to them... and of course we talk about a man that shot himself while showing his gun off in a bar in Florida...

Yo!

I had a cold last week and did not record. Hopefully this episode makes up for that. It was a wild week!