You Can't Do That

"Sauna." Kelly, Rave, Eva, and all our favorite guys are settling in to this hockey season. Let's check in! Whomst of our Capitals is fueled by spite? Which hot old man is least likely to leave his cozy nest? Which coach is lie-truthing, and which one is truth-lying? Who is farming our engagement? And what the HELL is the Phenomenotter googling over there?? This episode was recorded on November 10, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:59) Assign The Amulet | (6:10) Caps (and Pens) chat | (35:21) Elsewhere in the NHL | (50:33) Kelly's Canucks Corner

"Sportsbetting dot org dot gov." The Caps were winning games for a minute there and Rave, Eva, and Kelly found it unsettling. Thankfully, the Pens’ suffering, the Canucks’ neuroses, the league’s Halloween costumes, and the anti-5G armor of one particular Toronto Maple Leaf kept us tethered to reality. This episode was recorded on October 27, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:06) Pop (Girlies) Quiz correction | (10:50) Caps chat | (39:28) Pesto's Penguins Pit | (50:59) Kelly's Canucks Corner | (1:03:44) Halloween | (1:07:15) The Amulet

"Who's where??" Eva, Kelly, and Rave are BACK, baby. Get ready for everything that entails: sighing with fond exasperation at the Washington Capitals; forgetting teams and players we've absolutely discussed before; prodding marketing material and astrological charts for signs of depth; and, occasionally, talkin' 'bout hockey. This episode was recorded on October 14, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (2:43) Pop (Girlies) Quiz | (16:33) Caps chat | (46:30) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:12:43) KHL Kuzy update

Pod's back this week for our EIGHTH season of NHL hockey. Sorry! You're welcome!

"Spiritual divorce." Lord Stanley has chosen his babies of the year, and gosh if your hosts didn't just delight in the adventure to get here. Eva, Rave, and Kelly reflect on the accuracy of our pre-finals tarot reading, celebrate the satisfying plot developments in the narratives of Mssrs. Tkachuck and McDavid, crown their own playoffs Super Freak, gut check changes to the Caps roster (and to CapFriendly's public access), and more in this, our supersized final episode of the '23-'24 NHL season. This episode was recorded on July 4, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:57) Stanley Cup Finals | (18:08) Conn Smythe Winner Connor McDavid | (34:46) Celebrating Florida Style | (58:30) Trades! | (1:14:22) Capfriendly Update | (1:23:29) Miscellaneous Hockey Stuff

"Not on OUR part of the internet." Rave, Eva, and Kelly did not necessarily predict this Stanley Cup finals matchup, but one must admit there is something satisfyingly YCDT-coded about its hashtag narratives. Join us as we check in on DILF softball in DC, eulogize our fallen Stars/Rangers, and ask the tarot cards what to expect in the final round. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (4:55) DILF Island Softball | (14:33) Goodbye, Rangers | (25:11) Goodbye, Stars | (44:09) Panthers vs. Oilers

"Make my doodle look butch." Kelly, Rave, and Eva are back with Round 2 thoughts as the playoffs continue to dazzle and delight, and, in the case of one team in particular, cause Kelly great mental anguish. Press play for the league's most compelling gay fox-dog, community reffing, NateMac's hostile takeover of Sidney Crosby's summer house, and the unexpected silver lining of the Rangers' success. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (5:19) Rangers vs. Hurricanes | (21:49) Panthers vs. Bruins | (32:41) Stars vs. Avalanche | (44:40) Oilers vs. Canucks | (54:56) Let's complain about refs!

"A pious suitor for my eldest daughter." This is an episode filled with evil laughter, but to be fair to Eva, Kelly, and Rave, there are quite a lot of things worth laughing evilly about as the playoffs move into the second round. Points of interest include Kuzy's perpetual-motion hate machine, the battle of the Florida Mans, and the phrase "Sean Cody's little rascals." This episode was recorded on May 5, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:32) Inspire Me, Bro | (10:19 Capitals vs. Rangers | (20:52) Hurricanes vs. Islanders | (30:43) Panthers vs. Lightning | (37:59) Maple Leafs vs. Bruins | (1:00:10) Jets vs. Avalanche | (1:03:20) Golden Knights vs. Stars | (1:07:02) Oilers vs. Kings | (1:08:35) Canucks vs. Predators

"The pathos is upped." Check in on the playoffs' first round with Kelly, Eva, and Rave! Lots to contend with so far, including Kuzy gaslighting the Canes with a veneer of respectability, Caps messiness (fond), Canucks messiness (anxious), and sweet Mitchell Marner's exquisite suffering. This episode was recorded on April 27, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:12) Hurricanes vs. Islanders | (15:11) Golden Knights vs. Stars | (18:24) Capitals vs. Rangers | (28:42) Maple Leafs vs. Bruins | (42:56) Canucks vs. Predators | (52:12) Oilers vs. Kings | (53:23) Jets vs. Avalanche

It's the return of a YCDT tradition: Rave, Eva, and Kelly assess the Stanley Cup Playoffs round one matchups to determine the non-hockey games these teams should actually be playing based on their shared auras, histories, and hopes. To hear the rest of this bonus segment, support us on Patreon!