You Can't Do That

"Consulting lesbian." IT'S OUR 200th EPISODE but we'll celebrate that milestone later. Right now Kelly has to lead Eva and Rave on a tour of NHL locker rooms to assess the wide range of conflicts blessing and/or haunting teams at the midpoint of the season, including PLD vs. the world, Pasta vs. Marchand, Miller vs. Pettersson, the Flyers vs. a child, and the Rangers (and this podcast) vs. Peter The Violet. This episode was recorded on January 12, 2025.

Timecodes: (2:19) What Is WRONG With You | (21:47) Everything else

"Oozing with culture." If our admittedly shoddy record-keeping is to be believed, the Capitals haven’t embarrassed themselves since they lost to the Sharks on Pride Night - and even that was kinda worth it. Rave, Kelly, and Eva grapple with this new version of the Caps that’s horny as ever and somehow also…good? At…hockey. Also on the docket: the Rangers’ slow death, Matvei’s Michigan, and that whole thing with Paul Bissonnette. This episode was recorded on December 15, 2024.

Timecodes: (3:05) '30s Ornithology | (11:50) Caps chat | (52:47) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:15:08) Paul Bissonnette's Big Night

"Alfredo caulk." Whew, busy couple weeks, huh? Join Eva, Rave, and Kelly to check in on the Caps’ increasingly not-bad play, Ovi's fibula, THE RETURN OF LARS ELLER!, hot witch Sid, Jumbo Joe's jersey retirement, Jonathan Toews' toxins, and, yes, sorry: Mats Zuccarello's balls. This episode was recorded on November 24, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:20) Petfinder | (7:40) Caps chat | (31:35) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Sauna." Kelly, Rave, Eva, and all our favorite guys are settling in to this hockey season. Let's check in! Whomst of our Capitals is fueled by spite? Which hot old man is least likely to leave his cozy nest? Which coach is lie-truthing, and which one is truth-lying? Who is farming our engagement? And what the HELL is the Phenomenotter googling over there?? This episode was recorded on November 10, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:59) Assign The Amulet | (6:10) Caps (and Pens) chat | (35:21) Elsewhere in the NHL | (50:33) Kelly's Canucks Corner

"Sportsbetting dot org dot gov." The Caps were winning games for a minute there and Rave, Eva, and Kelly found it unsettling. Thankfully, the Pens’ suffering, the Canucks’ neuroses, the league’s Halloween costumes, and the anti-5G armor of one particular Toronto Maple Leaf kept us tethered to reality. This episode was recorded on October 27, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (3:06) Pop (Girlies) Quiz correction | (10:50) Caps chat | (39:28) Pesto's Penguins Pit | (50:59) Kelly's Canucks Corner | (1:03:44) Halloween | (1:07:15) The Amulet

"Who's where??" Eva, Kelly, and Rave are BACK, baby. Get ready for everything that entails: sighing with fond exasperation at the Washington Capitals; forgetting teams and players we've absolutely discussed before; prodding marketing material and astrological charts for signs of depth; and, occasionally, talkin' 'bout hockey. This episode was recorded on October 14, 2024.

Support the pod: Get bonus content on Patreon @patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find us on TikTok @youcantdohockey and Twitter @youcantdohockey

Timecodes: (2:43) Pop (Girlies) Quiz | (16:33) Caps chat | (46:30) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:12:43) KHL Kuzy update

Pod's back this week for our EIGHTH season of NHL hockey. Sorry! You're welcome!

"Spiritual divorce." Lord Stanley has chosen his babies of the year, and gosh if your hosts didn't just delight in the adventure to get here. Eva, Rave, and Kelly reflect on the accuracy of our pre-finals tarot reading, celebrate the satisfying plot developments in the narratives of Mssrs. Tkachuck and McDavid, crown their own playoffs Super Freak, gut check changes to the Caps roster (and to CapFriendly's public access), and more in this, our supersized final episode of the '23-'24 NHL season. This episode was recorded on July 4, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (3:57) Stanley Cup Finals | (18:08) Conn Smythe Winner Connor McDavid | (34:46) Celebrating Florida Style | (58:30) Trades! | (1:14:22) Capfriendly Update | (1:23:29) Miscellaneous Hockey Stuff

"Not on OUR part of the internet." Rave, Eva, and Kelly did not necessarily predict this Stanley Cup finals matchup, but one must admit there is something satisfyingly YCDT-coded about its hashtag narratives. Join us as we check in on DILF softball in DC, eulogize our fallen Stars/Rangers, and ask the tarot cards what to expect in the final round. This episode was recorded on June 2, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (4:55) DILF Island Softball | (14:33) Goodbye, Rangers | (25:11) Goodbye, Stars | (44:09) Panthers vs. Oilers

"Make my doodle look butch." Kelly, Rave, and Eva are back with Round 2 thoughts as the playoffs continue to dazzle and delight, and, in the case of one team in particular, cause Kelly great mental anguish. Press play for the league's most compelling gay fox-dog, community reffing, NateMac's hostile takeover of Sidney Crosby's summer house, and the unexpected silver lining of the Rangers' success. This episode was recorded on May 19, 2024.

Support the pod: Follow us on TikTok @youcantdohockey, get bonus content on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat, and find merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that! Thanks. We love you.

Timecodes: (5:19) Rangers vs. Hurricanes | (21:49) Panthers vs. Bruins | (32:41) Stars vs. Avalanche | (44:40) Oilers vs. Canucks | (54:56) Let's complain about refs!