"Extant bitches will thrive." Like TJ Oshie introducing Dylan Strome to the Caps polycule, Eva, Kelly, and Rave are re-introducing each other to the hot goss from the NHL offseason. (But not the Avs' Cup celebrations, because like the Avs, once we get started on that one we're not gonna stop.) Plus: Divining what's in store for a few teams based on classic novel plotlines. This episode was recorded on October 2, 2022.

Listen to an extended version of the Novel Plots game (and support us!) on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Bonus reading:
Inside the Capitals’ locker room: Who sits where? How did they end up there? (The Athletic, September 2022)

Drama Behind Scenes With Jets Is a Bigger Problem Than Most Realize (NHL Trade Talk, May 2022)

Report: Patrik Laine Revealed Reason for Leaving Winnipeg - Rude Treatment in Locker Room (NoVa Caps, January 2021)

Timecodes: (3:00) Capitals check-in | (25:21) The Kraken’s mascot | (32:30) We need to talk about Winnipeg | (46:22) Recent retirees | (55:00) Additional thoughts: Caps’ rookies, Eva’s Red Wings, Geno’s hot bitch summer | (1:04:20) Novel Plots

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"Sailor suited to high heaven." The Colorado Avalanche won the Stanley Cup, and what a Stanley Cup win it was. Eva, Kelly, and Rave recap Games 2-6 and the team's deeply compelling narratives in all the sumptuous detail they deserve. This episode was recorded on June 29, 2022.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (02:47) Animal Husbandry | (12:19) SCF: Game 2 | (17:59) Games 3 & 4 | (29:08) Games 5 & 6 | (1:11:21) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Swarovski Pwingy." Our dear Professor Kelly is back atop the host's throne to lead Rave and Eva through the latest in Stanley Cup catfighting (affectionate) and updates from the NHL coach swap meet. This episode was recorded on June 16, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:30) Rangers, Avs, etc. | (37:41) Final: Game 1 | (46:07) Hockstrology | (1:06:06) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Why do you even HAVE that cursed amulet??" Rave and Eva (with cameos from Kelly!) recap a week full of meetings: the Oilers met the end of the line, NHL coaches met a buncha new boys at the combine, Hockey Twitter met the Sex Spreadsheet, and Rave met medical marijuana. You can imagine the shenanigans that ensued. This episode was recorded on June 7, 2022.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (03:29) Absolutely Pompoozled | (15:03) Avs-Oilers | (41:05) Rangers-Lightning | (47:46) Elsewhere in the NHL | (1:01:12) The Sex Spreadsheet

"God, make me a sword of Gatorade." These not-terrible playoffs continue to hold Eva and Rave's interest! What fun! The latest developments to gnaw on include the Oilers leapfrogging the Flames and the Rangers besting the Canes; plus Swedish hospitality, a respectful Hello to Hilary Knight, and Jordan Binnington's directive from the lord. Amen. This episode was recorded on May 31, 2022.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (01:06) Swede Feed | (10:16) Assorted Loffs Updates: Avs-Blues, Rangers-Hurricanes, Oilers-Flames, and a Round 3 preview | (44:36) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Enough of a peat." Fellas...is it gay to love your brother? Rave and Eva gear up for a Kelly-less exploration of another week of playoffs messiness, including the Panthers' untimely exit, the Rangers' appealing wifery, and Connor McDavid's robotic mole rat star quality. Plus: Some sprinkles of dreamboat-ery. This episode was recorded on May 24, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:06) Ye Olde Nate Doggs | (10:55) Panthers-Lightning | (18:42) Rangers-Hurricanes | (27:10) Avalanche-Blues, feat. Dreamboat | (48:01) Oilers-Flames | (1:01:39) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Horse heist." Round 2 of the 'Loffs continues, and Eva, Kelly, and Rave's loyalties, preferences, and prejudices are evolving accordingly. Brad Marchand? Good! (For now.) Leafs? Upsetting! (For now.) Johnny Gaudreau and Sean Monahan's true love? We're invested! (For now.) Also: Sorry to friend of the pod PJ on the death of your Wild. You were right to be wary. This episode was recorded on May 17, 2022.

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Timecodes: (03:52) Funsolved Mysteries | (11:20) Caps-Panthers | (30:31) Canes-Bruins | (33:17) Wild-Blues | (36:03) Leafs-Lightning | (45:04) Pens-Rangers | (53:28) Kings-Oilers | (54:21) Flames-Stars | (01:02:15) Elsewhere in the NHL

""He's putting his whole salad into this." Can wit and charm make compelling some now-outdated playoffs observations from Kelly, Rave, and Eva? Tune in to find out, or at least to be reminded of the mood before Sid got injured, the Bruins got even, and the Wild got got. Plus: Eurovision! This episode was recorded on May 11, 2022.

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Timecodes: (02:53) Eurovision! | (12:40) Caps-Panthers | (36:53) Avs-Preds | (38:42) Pens-Rangers | (44:47) Leafs-Lightning | (52:47) Canes-Bruins | (58:00) Flames-Stars | (1:02:11) Kings-Oilers | (1:11:18) Elsewhere in the NHL

"Unfortunately, we might thrive." The game ones (games one) of the first round of the 2022 Stanley Cup playoffs are under the collective belt of Rave, Eva, and Kelly, and the mood is: pretty okay, actually! It's a little tough to figure out where our loyalties lie, but since every Cup win is a fluke, that may not matter. Plus: The return of the practical backyard games bracket challenge. This episode was recorded on May 4, 2022.

Support us on Patreon @ patreon.com/youcantdothat and check out our merch @ shop.spreadshirt.com/you-cant-do-that.

Timecodes: (03:01) Good Correct Bracket Challenge | (28:11) Caps-Panthers | (43:02) Pens-Rangers | (48:54) Hurricanes-Bruins | (49:34) Maple Leafs-Lightning | (54:37) Avalanche-Predators | (57:59) Wild-Blues | (1:01:05) Kings-Oilers | (1:04:16) Stars-Flames | (1:06:04) Elsewhere in the NHL