Your Poverty Offends Me: LIW American Horror Story Review

Kathy Bates is the best. This episode is pure chaos. Witches. Sex. Cannibals. Sticks that appear from the ceiling. Murder. Pointless camera work. It has it all. As long as what you want is a reassembling of every horror movie ever made. Make sure you make it all the way to the last second for a strange ending. 

In this episode, Phoenix reveals Kathy Bates to be his favorite actress. He loves her in this episode. It was about all he loved in the episode though. The new show within the show sounds fun but it's kind of boring to watch everyone hang out. Then the show spoils itself and somehow that makes it better and more suspenseful. Doesn't make sense but it's true. Find out how within this episode..

In this episode, Phoenix talks about the terrible actress at the beginning that plays the historian. He also then goes off track to explain how much it pisses him off that it's "an historian" and "an hour" instead of "a historian" and "a hour". He then questions how Wes Bentley managed to pick up Kathy Bates, being half her size and all. Whatever, is the show over now? Only 5 episodes into a 12 or 13 episode season and the show feels over.

In this episode, Phoenix talks about this episode. Obviously. What else would he talk about? Wait, he goes off topic a lot. He talks about having dirty woods sex some more and how the only time you're in the woods is to do something disgusting, bury a body, hide porn or homeless sex. Those are the only options. Hiking is not an option. He also makes many references to Lady Gaga being the horse in "horse's mouth."

In this episode, Phoenix talks about rough sex in the woods. Barely. But enough. The show introduces one of the greatest characters to do an impression of: Cricket. He's basically just the Poltergeist lady mixed with Truman Capote. So much fun to impersonate!

In this...this episode is pointless so let's get it over with. The only thing this episode adds is the addition of Flora and then the subtraction of Flora. It easily could have been tagged onto the end of episode 1 or the beginning of episode 3. Nobody is spooked out by killer nurses, AHS. Nobody. 

Had to record this episode twice because it didn't record. Super happy about that but Phoenix kept up the enthusiasm and tried to repeat himself verbatim. It's easier to do when you're a comic and are used to doing exactly that. Welcome to season 6 of AHS! Phoenix likes the new season so far but is also wary of being burned by the show like in past seasons. With that being said... Witches? Again? Fuck.

The season is over. We are all free from the hotel. Rejoice. Tell your children what happened here. How a show that had 7 consecutive shitty episodes ended up having 5 straight good ones and somehow people were tricked into watching a 6th season. In this episode Phoenix plays more Nada Surf Popular and John Lowe talking so you really can hear how he sounds just like him. He also talks about the episode he watched. Afterward, he guesses what the next season will be while listing which actors he hopes returns to what type of role. None of which will come true because this show is like an abusive boyfriend. It hits you a lot but sure...it's out of love. It's not a bad guy. It's trying. It's going to get a job soon. Well, soonish. I mean, you didn't lose the baby weight like you promised but whatever. It's working on it and it's complicated alright? Back off. *Smack* Why do you make me do this to you? Keep watching.

In this episode Phoenix talks about how fucked up Sally truly is. How her hanging out in what can be lovingly referred to as "the body room" reminded him of the trash room he had in college. He also talks about Lady Gaga's neon lights, the weird D&D / rock-paper-scissors math of the battle between humans, vampires, ghosts and witches and then he talks about the paperwork involved in rushing Donovan's cremation for Iris and if it was an abuse of power on Liz's part to do so. 

She done got it. Revenge that is. Whoever SHE is. Revenge was apparently gotten. Anyway, the third good episode in a row! A new season 5 record! Lady Gaga can't act like a grieving widow to save her vampire life or economic status. Those goddamn vampire bastard kids finally get what they deserve. Iris and Liz are amazing as The Boondocks Saints. Liz also has a really sweet scene with her son that Phoenix genuinely was moved by. He takes no shame in admitting that.