Your Stupid Minds

In honor of Meg 2: The Trench bombing at the box office, we decided to take a look back at its more financially successful predecessor, 2018's The Meg! What if Jaws, but bigger?

Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) is a world-renowned underwater saving people guy. When he tries to rescue a submarine that was hit by something big (I'm guessing a Meg) he is unable to save everyone and is accused of cowardice. Jonas now hides in Thailand drowning his sorrows in low ABV beers.

Meanwhile, a research station funded by Muskian billionaire Morris (Rainn Wilson) is trying to discover an even deeper layer within the Mariana Trench. They discover the layer, but are hit by something big (I'm guessing a Meg) so they ask Jonas for help. Can they defeat the Meg, or will he eat the entire station? You'll have to listen to find out.

To complement Barbie's wild success at the box office, Your Stupid Minds reviews a different toy tin-in movie, but a bad one! It's 1985's The Care Bears Movie!

A man who runs an orphanage, Mr. Cherrywood (Mickey Rooney), tells his orphans a story about two other orphans who learn the value of friendship or caring or not listening to an evil book, or something. Jason (Sunny Besen Thrasher) and Kim (Cree Summer) are befriended by the Care Bears, some cutesy little creatures who live in the sky city of Care-a-Lot.

However, a neglected and bullied magician's assistant Nicholas (Hadley Kay) finds an evil book who convinces him to cast evil spells to get children to stop caring. Can the Care Bears save Nicholas? Will they befriend a new group of equally toyetic animals? Do the Care Bears have a boat? You'll have to listen to find out.

Your Stupid Minds covers one of the most infamous erotic thrillers of all time, 1993's Body of Evidence, starring Madonna, Willem Dafoe, Joe Mantegna, Jürgen Prochnow, Frank Langella, Anne Archer, Julianne Moore, and more!

When millionaire Andrew Marsh (Michael Forest) is found dead in his sprawling mansion with a bunch of kinky sexy sex toys around him, everyone immediately suspects his kinky sexy sex girlfriend Rebecca Carlson (Madonna). She is arrested and sent to trial two hours later. Her lawyer, Frank Dulaney (Dafoe) has his work cut out for him to prove her innocence. Can he establish reasonable doubt against the prosecution's argument that she sexed Marsh to death with a mysterious lethal drug known as "cocaine" in order to get his $8 million inheritance?

More importantly, can Frank resist her sexual advances and remain true to his wife (Moore)? Also how do you treat third degree burns from a gallon of candle wax dumped on your naked chest?

Note: The episode originally aired April 19, 2017.

Your Stupid Minds delves into well-trodden bad movie territory with the notoriously terrible animated Italian film Titanic: The Legend Goes On. We may not have the annoying falsetto screech of The Nostalgia Critic, or the deep-seated racism of JonTron, but we do have notable animal lover and Chris's sister Sarah Dobson back on the podcast.

Angelica (Lisa Russo) is a lowly beautiful servant who looks strikingly like Anastasia. She meets the rich and handsome William (Mark Thompson-Ashworth) who gropes her laundry and they fall in love. meanwhile, a menagerie of obnoxious talking animals, including a rapping dog, a noble French mouse who looks like Fievel, and a trio of horrible Mexican mice stereotypes, sing tonally inappropriate songs about partying and dancing. Then the boat sinks and almost no one dies, thus tarnishing the legacy of the 1,500 actual people who perished in this real life tragedy.

Your Stupid Minds gets down with the sickness with the 2001 Jet Li film The One! The movie that invented multiverses! [citation needed]

Yulaw (Jet Li) has discovered one weird trick to make himself all-powerful: If he kills all his other selves in the 124 other multiverses, their power transfers to him and he becomes the titular The One. Time cops hate him!

After killing one of the two remaining Jet Lis, he travels to the final multiverse after a space prison escape to kill his final self, Los Angeles Sheriff's Department deputy Gabe (Jet Li), married to veterinarian T.K. (Carla Gugino). But time cops Roedecker (Delroy Lindo) and Funsch (Jason Statham, attempting some sort of accent) are on him every step of the way.

Can Gabe defeat his other self, or will he succumb to a similar fate? Or can they live together in harmony as The Twos? And what do all the other multiverse Carla Guginos look like? We want to know!

Your Stupid Minds reviewed 2004's Catwoman LIVE on the Exhibit Floor at Comicpalooza on Friday, May 26, 2023! Listen to us leave our respective metaphorical basements for the FIRST TIME to bring the bad movie gospel to the masses!

Patience Phillips (Halle Berry) is a mind-mannered artist and graphic designer at a major cosmetics company. The company has a new product, Beau-line, that reverses aging as long as you keep using it, but makes you hideously scarred like the Heath Ledger Joker if you stop. After being bullied by her boss George Hedare (Lambert Wilson) to deliver her updated ad designs to a spooky tube-laden makeup factory at midnight, she is killed and resurrected by divine CGI cats to become Catwoman!

Catwoman uses her new special powers for good, such as: beating up her neighbors for playing Hoobastank too loud, beating up some jewel thieves to steal the jewels themselves, basketball, and whipping. In her effort to bring her killers to justice, she runs afoul of the real power behind Beau-line, George's wife Laurel (Sharon Stone). Catwoman is framed for murder, but will her new nice cop boyfriend Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt, playing a lone wolf) believe her? You'll have to listen to find out!

Leading up to our appearance at Comicpalooza, we finally gave in to the hype and reviewed one of the most notorious and meme-worthy comic book movies of all time: 2022's Morbius!

Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) has a blood disease that makes his blood not good and he has to walk with crutches. He travels to Costa Rica's Cerro de la Muerte to capture a tube full of vampire bats in the hopes he can study them and reverse his bad blood disease.

The cure works, but as a result he turns into a cool vampire. His childhood friend Milo (Matt Smith) finds out he's a cool vampire and wants to be a cool vampire too and he steals the vampire goo and turns into a cool bad vampire. They have a vampire fight and one of them wins (guess which one). Michael Keaton shows up at the end for some reason.

Comicpalooza Update: We're on the schedule! Your Stupid Minds will be at the Main Podcast Stage on the Exhibit Floor on Friday, May 26 at 4:30! Come by and watch us talk about Catwoman LIVE! You might also get a special Catwoman prize.

Your Stupid Minds returns to ninjas with Cannon's Nine Deaths of the Ninja from 1985, starring Sho Kosugi, Anthony Kiedis's dad, and Harlan Crow's ex sister-in-law.

Spike (Kosugi), Steve (Brent Huff), and Jennifer (Emilia Crow) are part of an elite anti-terrorist squad that consists mainly of Spike doing ninja stuff on a bunch of terrorists while Steve crosses his arms and chuckles. When a terrorist confederacy of gross drug addicts, a lesbian militia, and a smattering of ninjas kidnap a bus full of tourists, Spike and the team spring into action. The terrorists are led, of sorts, by a disabled Nazi named Alby the Cruel (played by Blackie Dammett, a.k.a. the dad of the Red Hot Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedis), who also has a monkey wearing a diaper.

The team go to the Philippines and there's some mild ninja stuff, Jennifer shoots some dude with an epoxy gun, and Sho Kosugi's real sons play pranks on the terrorists.

A reminder: Your Stupid Minds will be at this year's Comicpalooza in Houston, Texas, to discuss Halle Berry's Catwoman LIVE! The convention is Memorial Day weekend, May 26-28, so come check us out!

Your Stupid Minds comes at you with our fifth X-Men related movie, this time it's the 2019 flop Dark Phoenix, another halfhearted attempt to adapt the Dark Phoenix saga without bothering with the Phoenix saga.

The X-Men are assigned a mission by the president to save some astronauts stuck in space. Though the mission is successful, Jean Grey (Sophie Turner) is blasted with an evil space cloud that starts to make her act cool. However, the coolness goes too far when she can't control her new power. She tries to learn more about her past, and comes across Magneto's (Michael Fassbender) mutant island sanctuary of Genosha (though in this movie it looks like a small plot of land in western Connecticut).

Meanwhile, Vuk (Jessica Chastain), a shapeshifting alien of the D'Bari race, is looking for Jean so she can… take the power, harness the power, trick Jean into helping her? It isn't entire clear. But she's evil.

Can the X-Men save Jean, or will this conflict tear them apart? Will Disney reboot the franchise after their Fox acquisition? How many times can we predict the second part of every line in this movie? How much was Hans Zimmer paid for this killer score? You'll have to listen to find out (though we don't answer most of these questions).

Also a quick update: Your Stupid Minds will be at this year's Comicpalooza in Houston, Texas, to discuss Halle Berry's Catwoman LIVE! The convention is Memorial Day weekend, May 26-28, so come check us out!

Your Stupid Minds returns to the bottomless well of content that is the Barbarian Brothers (at least until we run out of Barbarian Brothers movies) with 1994's Twin Sitters, a movie that rips off Mr. Nanny wholesale but posits the question "what if there were TWO big beefy guys instead of one?"

Peter and David Falcone (played by Peter and David Paul, respectively, since it's entirely possible they are incapable of responding to any first name but their own) are two muscle-bound goofballs who need money to open their own Italian restaurant. When they stop a trio of assassins in a playground in which they just happen to be hanging out, the target of the assassination, Frank (Jared Martin) hires them to guard his two nephews.

Frank has turned state's witness and plans to testify against an evil mob-like guy Leland Stromm (George Lazenby) for dumping toxic waste improperly. The two goons go to Frank's mansion in their monster truck to guard the nephews, but wait a minute… the nephews are also… twins???

If you've seen Mr. Nanny you know how this goes. The twins, Bradley and Steven (Christian and Joseph Cousins) enact a series of escalating "pranks" on their guardians that border on (or are) attempted first degree murder. Eventually the twin sets become friends, but can they stay out of danger in time for the uncle to testify?