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Have you ever wondered why toxic people always seem to find their way into your life, no matter how hard you try to avoid them? You set boundaries, keep your distance, and yet, somehow, you still attract narcissists and manipulators. Maybe you’ve even started questioning if it’s something about you that’s pulling these people in.

You're not alone. The truth is, there are certain traits that narcissists find irresistible—and chances are, you don’t even realize you have them.

In this episode, I’m going to break down what those traits are, why you specifically have been targeted by toxic people, and most importantly, what you can do to stop attracting them and start repelling them.

 Finding yourself repeatedly in relationships with narcissists can feel like being stuck in an emotional maze. Just when you think you’ve found a way out, you somehow end up right back where you started. It’s exhausting, and it can leave you wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

 There are several reasons this pattern might repeat, and they often involve a mix of personal history, emotional dynamics, and the traits that narcissists find irresistible.

 Let’s break down the first trait:

1. Past Trauma or Unresolved Childhood Issues

If you grew up in an environment where emotional manipulation, neglect, or narcissistic behavior was common—whether from a parent, caregiver, or family member—you might unknowingly seek out similar dynamics in adulthood. 

These patterns can feel “normal” or even comfortable because they are what you’ve always known, even if they’re harmful.

 When your early experiences involve emotionally unavailable or manipulative caregivers, it conditions you to tolerate these behaviors, creating a blind spot for red flags. 
Narcissists can sense this tolerance and are naturally drawn to it because they know it makes it easier for them to enter your life and exert control. It’s like subconsciously choosing the same story over and over, thinking this time it might end differently, but the narrative stays the same.

 So, if childhood trauma can condition you to overlook toxic behaviors, what about those traits that are inherently good?

2. Empathy and Compassion

Imagine this: 

You’re the person everyone comes to with their problems because you have a big heart and always know the right thing to say. 

You’re like the lifeboat in a storm, always ready to rescue others from their emotional struggles. 

But what happens when the person in the storm doesn’t want to be saved—they just want to keep pulling you under?

That’s exactly what happens with narcissists. 

They see your empathy as a resource they can drain. 

They cling to you when they’re going under, again and again.

It’s like you’re a well, always willing to give, but they never stop to think about whether the well might run dry.

Your empathy might be a double-edged sword. Imagine you’re a sponge—able to absorb the feelings and needs of those around you. 

While this makes you a nurturing, caring person, it also makes you a perfect match for a narcissist, who is like a leaky faucet. 

 They drip constant emotional needs and manipulation, and instead of addressing the root of their dysfunction, they expect you to soak it all up, leaving you drained.

 But what happens when something even more desperate enters the mix?

3. Low Self-Esteem or Codependency

Imagine you’re trying to hold onto something fragile, like a glass vase. 

You know it’s delicate, so you grip it tightly, afraid that if you let go even a little, it might shatter.