The "Nice" Narcissist: How They Fool You

Why They’re So Hard to Spot

• They appear charming, polite, and agreeable—making them seem like the last person who could be toxic.
• Their public persona is drastically different from who they are behind closed doors.
• They make you feel safe, lighthearted, and cared for—until they don’t.
• The truth? Nice doesn’t mean good—it doesn’t mean they’re godly, loyal, or trustworthy.

The Deceptive Traits of the “Nice” Narcissist

1. Selective Helpfulness
   • Their help seems genuine at first but later feels conditional—designed to keep you dependent.
   • Instead of empowering you, their “help” leaves you feeling emotionally drained and indebted.
   • They use kindness strategically—to be seen as the “good one” while keeping you reliant on them.
2. Performative Empathy
   • They know how to act empathetic—using the right words and body language to seem caring.
   • Their empathy is a performance, not genuine. They mimic emotions like an actor memorizing lines.
   • This creates a trauma bond—you keep waiting for the “real” them to show up, but they never do.
3. Strategic Support
   • They encourage you only when it serves their agenda.
   • Once your growth threatens their control, their support fades—or turns into subtle sabotage.
   • They make passive-aggressive comments like:
     • “Don’t forget who helped you get here.”
     • “Must be nice to have time for that while I’m doing everything else.”
   • Their support was never about you—it was about maintaining power and control.
4. Shallow Connection
   • They make you feel seen and understood at first, but their connection is always transactional.
   • They mirror your emotions and interests to create an illusion of intimacy.
   • But when you try to deepen the connection, they withdraw, deflect, or change the subject.
   • This keeps you chasing a connection they’re incapable of giving.

Why It’s So Hard to Walk Away

• The “nice” narcissist genuinely believes they are a loving, caring person.
• Their charm disarms you, their kindness hooks you, and their support keeps you reliant.
• They manipulate not with overt cruelty, but with subtle control.

How to Break Free

✅ Trust your discernment—If their kindness leaves you feeling confused or trapped, it’s a red flag.
✅ Set boundaries—Protect your emotional and mental space.
✅ Seek godly counsel—Turn to Scripture and trusted advisors for wisdom.
✅ Invest in transformational relationships—Choose people who show up consistently and genuinely.

Want to Go Deeper?

📺 Watch: 5 Clues to Spot a Christian Narcissist
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Have you ever felt like you're the only adult in your relationship? No matter how much love or patience you pour in, they just don’t seem capable of handling life maturely.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself:
👉 Why do they act this way?
👉 Is this narcissism? Or something else?

Emotional immaturity can look a lot like narcissism, leaving you confused and questioning what you're really dealing with. But here’s the good news—God is revealing their immaturity to help you respond wisely, without losing your peace, faith, or even the relationship.

Emotional Immaturity: A Child in an Adult’s Body

Dealing with an emotionally immature person is like reasoning with a child who hasn’t learned how to handle life’s challenges. They react impulsively—lashing out, shutting down, or blaming others—because they lack the tools to process emotions healthily.

While narcissists manipulate intentionally, emotionally immature people often aren’t trying to hurt you—they're just stuck in survival mode. And that distinction makes all the difference in how you should respond.

8 Signs of Emotional Immaturity

1. Blaming Others

They treat responsibility like a hot potato—constantly passing it off to someone else. Instead of owning mistakes, they say things like:
🗣 “If you hadn’t nagged me, I wouldn’t have forgotten.”

📖 Galatians 6:5 — “For each one should carry their own load.”

✅ How to Respond: Hold them accountable without taking the blame.

2. Emotional Rollercoasters

Their mood swings are exhausting—small issues turn into major crises, leaving you bracing for the next high or low.

📖 Proverbs 29:11 — "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back."

✅ How to Respond: Stay grounded. Don’t absorb their emotions as your own.

3. Defensiveness

Every conversation feels like walking through a minefield. Even gentle feedback triggers excuses, counterattacks, or denial.

📖 Proverbs 10:17 — "Whoever heeds instruction is on the path to life, but he who rejects reproof leads others astray."

✅ How to Respond: Keep discussions solution-focused, not blame-focused.

4. Victim Mentality

They see themselves as the perpetual victim, blaming others instead of taking responsibility.

📖 Matthew 7:3 — "Why do you see the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log in your own eye?"

✅ How to Respond: Don’t get pulled into their narrative. Encourage self-reflection.

5. Silent Treatment (Stonewalling)

They shut down or withdraw when conflict arises, leaving issues unresolved.

✅ How to Respond: Don’t chase them. Address the issue when they’re ready to talk.

6. Impulsivity

Their emotions drive their decisions, often leading to reckless actions or regret.

📖 Proverbs 13:16 — "The prudent act with knowledge, but fools expose their folly."

✅ How to Respond: Encourage thoughtful decision-making with gentle questions.

7. Selfishness

The relationship revolves around their needs, leaving little room for mutual care.

📖 Philippians 2:3-4 — "Do nothing from selfish ambition… but in humility count others more significant than yourselves."

✅ How to Respond: Set boundaries that balance give and take.

8. Manipulation

They use guilt trips or victim-pla

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Have you ever wondered what happens when a narcissist targets a Christian? You’ve likely been hurt, manipulated, and maybe even discarded, and now you're left wondering, "Are they just going to get away with it?" My friend, stick with me, because in this post, I'm going to walk you through the three phases that every narcissist goes through when they have the audacity to attack one of God's children. We’ll cover what God is going to do to intervene and what YOU can do to ensure His justice is served in a timely manner. I assure you, they will not be able to handle what comes next….

There are three phases you can count on every time when dealing with a narcissist. These phases aren’t just predictable—they’re inevitable. But just as sure as the narcissist’s destruction comes, so does God’s intervention, and ultimately, His justice.

Narcissists are master manipulators and deceivers, agents of chaos who thrive on sowing confusion and destruction. It’s no surprise that their main targets are often Christians. Why? Because the loving, compassionate, and forgiving nature of a Christian makes it easy for a narcissist to exploit. But it goes deeper than that—they are being used by Satan to distract, derail, and discourage you from stepping into the fullness of what God has for your life.

So, stop being surprised that you’re a target. But don’t be afraid, because your weapons are far greater than theirs—if you know how to use them. We’ll get to that soon.

Phase 1: Narcissistic Destruction

First, understand that the narcissist's plan always follows the same pattern. Phase one? They zero in on their target. Whether their goal is your destruction or simply their personal gain, the strategy is identical—they present themselves as everything you’ve ever wanted. The ideal parent, the perfect partner—the answer to your prayers.

This is all designed to weaken your defenses, and it works. You let your guard down, you let them in. Sure, you see red flags, but you convince yourself it’s just a mistake or something you can work through together. And they’ll certainly give you that impression.

But soon enough, the mask begins to slip. They can’t keep up the façade and inconsistencies start to show. You start questioning their behaviors, their motives, and that’s when things shift. Suddenly, you’re either hit with an overwhelming dose of love-bombing, or they play the victim. Both tactics are meant to cloud your vision—to distract you from the real issues.

And isn’t that exactly how Satan operates? Everything is a carefully crafted illusion—beautiful at first, but dark and destructive beneath the surface. By the time you see the truth, you’re entangled in the web of confusion, manipulation, gaslighting, and invalidation.

Here is where you begin questioning your own sanity, doubting your worth. You start feeling guilty for how you reacted to their emotional abuse, ashamed of behaviors you’re not proud of, and left wondering if you’re the problem.

It’s like being caught in a tornado—everything seems calm at first, but once you’re in the center of the storm, the destruction becomes clear. Narcissists twist your mind, emotions, and sense of self-worth, leaving a path of destruction that is both internal and external.

But remember, the narcissist cannot maintain their illusion forever. Eventually, the storm takes its toll. Their love-bombing fades, the manipulation intensifies, and the gaslighting becomes unbearable. You’re left feeling trapped, confused, and powerless. They don’t just want to break your heart—they want to break your spirit.

Phase 2: God’s Intervention

But don’t fret, my friend. This is w

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Have you ever caught yourself wondering, "I think they’re toxic... but maybe not?" You know you don’t always like how you feel around them. Maybe some of their actions have been downright hurtful, but you’re still unsure if they truly qualify as “toxic.”

These days, the word toxic gets thrown around almost as much as narcissist. It’s tempting to slap a label on someone whose behavior feels off, but before you jump to conclusions, let’s dig a little deeper.

In this post, we’ll uncover the unmistakable signs of a truly toxic person, explore whether their behaviors stem from toxicity or struggles, and examine traits that mimic toxicity but come from entirely different roots.

Let’s Start with an Analogy: Relationships Are Like Shoes

Think of relationships like shoes.

Some shoes are a perfect fit—they support and comfort you, allowing you to walk confidently no matter where life takes you. Then, there are shoes that just don’t fit—no matter how much you try to break them in. They pinch, rub, and leave blisters.

It’s easy to label these shoes as “bad,” but are they really? Or are they just the wrong fit for your foot—or maybe even the wrong shoe for the occasion?

Some shoes are your go-to favorites—you reach for them instinctively because they always deliver. Others sit in the back of your closet, gathering dust. You like them in theory, but every time you try them on, you’re reminded why you never wear them. And then, there are the shoes so painful, you wouldn’t wish them on anyone.

Relationships are much the same. Some people “fit” your life perfectly. Others might be a mismatch—okay in certain contexts but not for the long haul. And then, there are the truly toxic relationships that cause harm no matter how you look at them.

So, how do we know the difference?

Universally Toxic Traits We Can All Agree On

There are just some traits everyone can agree are toxic—like a pair of shoes that might look pretty but leave you limping after a short time.

If someone exhibits the following behaviors, it’s not subjective; they’re harmful to everyone:

• Verbal abuse
• Manipulation
• Chronic lying
• Secrecy
• Selfishness
• Chronic negativity
• Dismissiveness
• Vindictiveness
• Disrespect
• Explosive anger
• Exploitative behaviors

Even the Bible, in 1 Timothy 3, tells us to avoid people with such traits. These behaviors infect relationships, creating destruction and pain.

Why Do We Stay in Toxic Relationships?

If these traits are so clearly harmful, why do so many of us stay? Why don’t we run?

The answer might be more complicated than it seems.

Sometimes, we see something else within these individuals that makes us question our perception. Or, we might mistake certain behaviors as toxic when they’re actually coming from unresolved pain or struggles rather than an inherently toxic nature.

What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface?

Before we label someone as toxic, we have to ask: What’s going on beneath the surface? Theirs—and yours.

Everyone comes into relationships with “defaults”—cultural norms, personality traits, past experiences, and wounds. For example, assertiveness might feel like confidence to one person but aggression to someone who’s been bullied. Sarcasm might feel playful to some but cutting to others.

Your own “surface”—the way you react, interpret, and label others—can r

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Have you ever found yourself crying out to God, asking, “Why are You letting this person get away with everything they’ve done to me?” If so, you’re not alone. It’s one of the hardest questions to wrestle with, especially when the pain feels so overwhelming.

But here’s the good news: God sees everything, and He is a God of justice. In this post, we’re diving into practical and powerful ways to pray both for and against the narcissist in your life. Yes, that’s biblical—and we’ll explore why. By the end, you’ll feel equipped to approach God with prayers that align with His will, releasing the weight of your hurt and trusting Him to move on your behalf.

Life with a Narcissist Feels Like Chaos

Whether the narcissist in your life is a spouse, parent, friend, or colleague, one thing is certain: life with them is an unstable, emotional rollercoaster. Their lies, manipulation, and betrayal can leave you furious, broken, and unsure how to pray.

But take heart—God’s Word provides both clarity and direction. Romans 12:19 says, “Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’” This promise reminds us that God will handle justice in His perfect way and timing.

Praying for Justice: Trusting God’s Reckoning

Imagine standing by the ocean, looking out over calm waters. On the surface, everything seems peaceful, but beneath, a strong current tugs at you. That’s what dealing with a narcissist feels like—their manipulation pulls you into confusion and frustration. But here’s the truth: you don’t have to fight this current alone.

One powerful prayer is to ask for God’s reckoning. This means asking Him to expose lies, reveal hidden motives, and bring consequences in His way. It’s not about revenge but about trusting God to bring light into the darkness.

Psalm 28:3-4 says:
“Do not drag me off with the wicked, with the workers of evil, who speak peace with their neighbors while evil is in their hearts. Give to them according to their work and according to the evil of their deeds.”

This scripture reminds us that God sees deception and will repay accordingly. Similarly, Galatians 6:7-8 tells us, “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap.” The narcissist may appear to “get away with it” for now, but no one escapes God’s justice.

Praying for Reproof: Exposing Darkness

Imagine someone who walks unchecked, leaving chaos everywhere they go. Their harmful behavior seems to have no consequences. How do you respond? By praying for God’s reproof—a holy unveiling of their actions. This type of prayer asks God to shine a light so bright that their behavior can no longer stay hidden.

In 1 Corinthians 5:5, Paul commands the Corinthian church to hand a man over to Satan for the destruction of his flesh, “so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.” This severe action wasn’t out of hatred but out of love—a way to bring the man to repentance. Similarly, when we pray for reproof, we’re asking God to expose harmful behaviors with the ultimate goal of restoration.

Praying for Recompense: Trusting God to Restore

Have you ever felt like the narcissist stole everything from you—your peace, confidence, time, or future? It’s easy to wonder if you’ll ever get back what’s been lost. But the Bible speaks of recompense, a divine repayment not just for what was taken but often in double measure.

Hebrews 10:30 says, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay,” says the Lord. And Joel 2:25 promises, “I will restore to you the years that the swarmin

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Is There a Darker Side Behind Narcissistic Behavior?

Have you ever wondered if there’s more to a narcissist’s behavior than just personality flaws? What if the manipulation, emotional chaos, and control tactics aren’t just psychological but something much darker? In this article, we’re going to explore four signs that a narcissist may actually be under the influence of demonic forces. By the end, you’ll have a clearer understanding of what might be driving their behavior—and more importantly, you’ll learn how to protect yourself.

Before we dive in, be sure to grab your free copy of the Narcissist Survival Guide. It’s my free gift to you, filled with powerful scriptures and effective responses for dealing with the narcissist in your life.

If you’ve spent any time around a narcissist, you’re probably all too familiar with the emotional, psychological, and even spiritual damage they can cause. Narcissists bring chaos wherever they go—yet somehow always make you feel like you’re to blame. And while you’re left picking up the pieces, they continue their pattern of self-centered destruction. But here’s the truth: treating narcissistic behavior without addressing the spiritual root is like trying to cut weeds without pulling out their roots—they always grow back stronger.

In many cases, the narcissistic behaviors you see on the surface are just symptoms, but there’s a hidden root system underground, where spiritual forces are at work. When you address only the visible signs, you’re left wondering why the toxic behavior keeps coming back. Let’s go deeper and uncover four clear signs that the narcissist’s behavior may be influenced by something beyond psychology.

1. Manipulation and Deception

Imagine sitting across from the narcissist, trying to have a simple conversation. At first, everything seems calm, but soon, the story begins to twist. They subtly twist your words, make you question your own memory, and before you know it, you’re apologizing for something they did. It feels like stepping into a maze—just when you think you’ve found a way out, they move the walls again with gaslighting, denial, or victim-playing.

This level of manipulation goes beyond basic dishonesty. It’s an elaborate smokescreen meant to keep you confused, disoriented, and trapped. Isaiah 14:12-15 describes Lucifer’s fall due to his pride and desire for control—qualities that narcissists exhibit as well. Their manipulation serves to draw you away from reality, just as Satan seeks to deceive and divide.

Consider also John 8:44, which describes Satan as the “father of lies.” Narcissists, too, are experts at manipulating truth, and this doesn’t come from mere personality; it may be a demonic strategy. Once a person gives in to constant manipulation, they may unknowingly open a door for spiritual influence. This is where deception takes root, leaving both the narcissist and those around them in a web of lies.

1 Timothy 4:1 warns us, "The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons." If you notice a pattern of gaslighting, twisting the truth, or rewriting history, there may be something darker at work behind the scenes.

2. Spiritual Blindness and a Hardened Heart

Have you ever looked into the eyes of a narcissist during an argument and felt like you were talking to a wall? You explain, you present the facts, but there’s no understanding—just a blank stare or even cold indifference. It’s as if they’re blocked from seeing the truth.

When a person opens the door to demonic influence, one of the first things to go is their ability to see&

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If you’ve been in or just left a relationship with a narcissist, you know how distressing and 

destabilizing it can be. 

Constantly questioning yourself, struggling to defend against their vicious, victim-like lies—it’s enough to make anyone furious. 

The temptation to seek justice on your own terms is real. You want to call them out, tell them off, and dismantle every lie they’ve told. Anything to get revenge for the harm they’ve caused.

But HOLD ON. 

What if I told you that there’s a way to achieve far greater justice than you ever could on your own—and that it would actually bring you peace? 

Stay with me. 

In this post, we’re going to talk about why taking revenge isn’t the answer—and what God wants you to do instead. 

Trust me, their downfall is coming, and you’ll have a front-row seat to witness God’s justice.

I recently went through a narcissistic attack from someone who was spiteful, vindictive, and deceitful. 

The lies, manipulation, and malice were worse than ever before. And for the first time, I was the direct target of their abuse.

I’ll admit, my flesh rose up. I wanted to tell them off, expose their lies, and undo the damage they caused. 

But something in my spirit told me to hold on—to ask, What would God want me to do?

As I cried out to God for strength, I heard Him speak clearly to my heart: Put your armor on. Therein lies your strength.

It stopped me in my tracks. 

In that moment, I pictured Jesus standing in front of me, shielding me from the enemy’s attacks. I saw this powerful shield protecting me from every dart the enemy threw, while the Lord held back the forces of darkness. It brought me to tears.

Then I was reminded of Ephesians 6:12: “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.”

The Real Enemy Behind Narcissistic Abuse

Narcissists are often used as agents of the enemy, though they likely don’t even realize it. They’re sent to trigger and trip us up, causing us to react in the flesh. 

Now, I’m not excusing their behavior—they are still responsible for their actions. But their willingness to hurt others makes them a tool for evil.

So, what do we do? 

Should we just give up, roll over, and let them walk all over us? 

Absolutely not. 

We prepare for battle. This is spiritual warfare.

Spiritual warfare is the fight to believe God’s truth over the enemy’s lies. 

When dealing with a narcissist, you’re battling deception. 

The enemy attacks through lies, and one of his favorite portals is toxic people—those who come in like sheep but are really wolves. 

They deceive you about who they are, implanting lies that become strongholds in your mind.

The Armor of God: Your Protection Against Narcissistic Manipulation

The Bible tells us to put on the full armor of God so we can stand firm against the enemy’s schemes (Ephesians 6:10-13). Each piece of armor was designed to protect us in battles like this.

• The Belt of Truth – This exposes the lies of the narcissist. It grounds us in God’s truth, helping us see through their manipulations.
• The Body Armor of Righteousness – This protects our hearts. When we live in righteousness, we guard ourselves from reacting out of hurt or manipulation.
• The

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Have you ever wondered why toxic people always seem to find their way into your life, no matter how hard you try to avoid them? You set boundaries, keep your distance, and yet, somehow, you still attract narcissists and manipulators. Maybe you’ve even started questioning if it’s something about you that’s pulling these people in.

You're not alone. The truth is, there are certain traits that narcissists find irresistible—and chances are, you don’t even realize you have them.

In this episode, I’m going to break down what those traits are, why you specifically have been targeted by toxic people, and most importantly, what you can do to stop attracting them and start repelling them.

 Finding yourself repeatedly in relationships with narcissists can feel like being stuck in an emotional maze. Just when you think you’ve found a way out, you somehow end up right back where you started. It’s exhausting, and it can leave you wondering, “Why does this keep happening to me?”

 There are several reasons this pattern might repeat, and they often involve a mix of personal history, emotional dynamics, and the traits that narcissists find irresistible.

 Let’s break down the first trait:

1. Past Trauma or Unresolved Childhood Issues

If you grew up in an environment where emotional manipulation, neglect, or narcissistic behavior was common—whether from a parent, caregiver, or family member—you might unknowingly seek out similar dynamics in adulthood. 

These patterns can feel “normal” or even comfortable because they are what you’ve always known, even if they’re harmful.

 When your early experiences involve emotionally unavailable or manipulative caregivers, it conditions you to tolerate these behaviors, creating a blind spot for red flags. 
Narcissists can sense this tolerance and are naturally drawn to it because they know it makes it easier for them to enter your life and exert control. It’s like subconsciously choosing the same story over and over, thinking this time it might end differently, but the narrative stays the same.

 So, if childhood trauma can condition you to overlook toxic behaviors, what about those traits that are inherently good?

2. Empathy and Compassion

Imagine this: 

You’re the person everyone comes to with their problems because you have a big heart and always know the right thing to say. 

You’re like the lifeboat in a storm, always ready to rescue others from their emotional struggles. 

But what happens when the person in the storm doesn’t want to be saved—they just want to keep pulling you under?

That’s exactly what happens with narcissists. 

They see your empathy as a resource they can drain. 

They cling to you when they’re going under, again and again.

It’s like you’re a well, always willing to give, but they never stop to think about whether the well might run dry.

Your empathy might be a double-edged sword. Imagine you’re a sponge—able to absorb the feelings and needs of those around you. 

While this makes you a nurturing, caring person, it also makes you a perfect match for a narcissist, who is like a leaky faucet. 

 They drip constant emotional needs and manipulation, and instead of addressing the root of their dysfunction, they expect you to soak it all up, leaving you drained.

 But what happens when something even more desperate enters the mix?

3. Low Self-Esteem or Codependency

Imagine you’re trying to hold onto something fragile, like a glass vase. 

You know it’s delicate, so you grip it tightly, afraid that if you let go even a little, it might shatter.