Zero F*cks Given

"Everyday is a winding road...  I get a little bit closer."  And today I feel like a big glass of wine...  LOL!  Scratch that.  Give me the whole barrel.  We're talking all things mischief, y'all...

We have a special guest and it proves to be a big surprise for Heather.  We play a little "Plead Your Case" and let the non-stop "ROFLMFAO" escapades begin!  Sometimes when you talk shit on the internet, it comes back to bite ya!

Crabby Abby makes an appearance.  Gets a little serious when we have a question regarding 9/11 and the wonderful U.S. of A but...  That all changes as soon as the next several questions include dickless, using cheaters on Vegas trips, exes who need to move the fuck on and get over themselves, and straight dudes that wear a dab of coverup for their "Barbara Streisand looking noses with a dash of Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer cream pie" zits.  Getting a clear enough image?!  

Get a beer and grab a seat!  This shit is straight up "Jerry Springer" epic!

Heather hosts the podcast this week and invites a guest from the service industry.

We talk about some crazy things in the industry you wouldn't believe happens!

Touch on some Americas got Autism, Gypsy trash, and of course sex!!

We also have our good friend Chesta Byggs prank some service people who fucked with us and pranked some awesome podcast buddies of ours as well!

You don't want to miss out on this fucking shit!

New edition to Zero Fucks Given, the ladies bring on their dudes (Charlie and TJ) for a more deep intimate discussion. You know "PILLOW TALK", the shit you talk about after you fuck!

Heather has a sexy topic about being able to Purge or not to purge Humans if it came down to it. And everyone answers and has there theory and points of view.

Teri brings a hilarious topic to make us choose what sport we think our significant other should be compared to. This gets a little kinky.

Babble in between consists of dumpster diving, abortion, teenage sex, daddy fingers, and of course that one time back in the day story.

"ONE!  Nothing wrong with me... TWO!  Nothing wrong with me...  THREE!  Nothing wrong with ME!!!"  Ummmm...  The test determined that is a LIE!  Everything is wrong with us!  So here's a quick breakdown of this episode.

Shout outs to the men in Teri's life for letting her know her brows were straight bozo - like the clown.  This is our first episode without Daisy.  She is loved.  Heather wishes she lived in a house that actually met code.  Don't forget to turn off the lights before you cook that hot pocket bitch!

Slams... Ohhh Sunset Towing...  Bless your heart.

Let's play "Name That Slang!"  I bet tree fitty that wet towel has a strip of bacon after eating afterbirth on toast.  Yawning donkeys and the predator - bof 'em lookin' fleek!  BARF!

And if you ever question what to do, we give a little #WWHTD insight.  I know...  You've been waiting your whole life for this shit.

Look, you wanna know the deets, listen to this episode.

Episode 29 - We're Back and its JUICY!!

These crazy Cunts are back in action and this episode is JUICY as FUCK!

Discuss adventures and slight disappointments about the trip we had in Idaho! (FUCK YOU DELTA)

Heather has Topic and brings up Female Ejaculation! AKA Squirting!

Share our experiences or lack there of for some of the ladies.

Heather is passionate about explaining how this is possible and anyone who thinks its pee can go fuck themselves.

Take a little fun, educational quiz with us and see how much you know!

We explain how you too can Learn how. We have a squirt session description in detail. Take notes!

Unfortunately this is Daisy's last episode with us. Tune in to hear what she has to say!

"Dear Abby, Dear Abby! Well I never thought...That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught!  We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze...With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees. Signed Just Married"  Today's podcast really takes the cake!  Everyone has heard of "Dear Abby" unless they live under a rock - hint, hint Daisy...  We decided to lay it down ZFG style.  Folks, if you're dealing with a teeny weenie tic tac dingy, don't fret.  Just apply some oral foreplay gel with a mint flavor and put it in your mouth.  Voilla!  He's satisfied and your breath is better.  Questions covered involve a fist full in the hoo-ha, fishy smelling chow and your cousin Ben getting a finger in his rear-end.  Feeling like a third wheel in your relationship?  We have the answer - peanut butter!  Or maybe you are contemplating being a freak in the sheets "50 Shades of Grey" fashion.  Look Mom!  No hands!!!...  Or limbs for that matter.  Anyone else out there fascinated with sink holes in pink pastures?!  I am!!!  This episode gets real spicy, like jalapeno spicy, with our guests Chris and The Duchess from @HTNOS Podcast!  As always, thank you to our listeners and our participants!  You are valued, not by us but someone out there in La La Land...

"And its been a while, Since I could say that I wasn't addicted"

Let's bypass all these common ad-DICK-tions like tobacco, cocaine and meth and go straight to the strange like making love to Grandma's. Or eating your mattress pad. Anybody want a taste of brick, a spray or two of air freshener? Terri's a Filebertoholic, Heather's a more of a sex addict and I'm definitely addicted to food. Is rapping your own bellybutton an addiction? Because ya, I failed to mention that. Is it really all in our head or is it in our blood? The struggle is real and so is making love to your Grandma. Sounds like we all need rehab, I just hope they don't serve snacks at overeaters anonymous.

"I smoke 2 joints in the morning, I smoke 2 joints at night, I smoke 2 joints in the afternoon, it make me feel alright!" We celebrate 420 on this episode with Heather inviting her and TJ's good friends the Peterson's on the show. Two of the biggest pot heads they know. Try and keep up with them and you wont be able to get off the couch. Of course TJ has to sit in on this episode so he joins them as well! There no chance he's missing out in this smoke fest. We talk about functioning everyday life and smoking weed. We All share stories of first times smoking weed! Kids these days are spoiled with there fucking seedless strains and vape pens. What ever happened to smoking out of a soda can?? We have a plethora of THC and CBD oils to infuse our drinks, pass a few joints around, do a dab or two. We talk about expanding our minds with other drugs like mushrooms, acid, pcp, and who knows what else. Its a bit foggy to tell you the truth.

"And to drink a Coca-Cola, Diet Coke, and orange drink, A Sprite and coffee, decaf too, A lowfat milk, also an orange juice. I love McDonald’s, good time great taste, and I get this all at one place."  McDonald's should have included a disclosure in that song about how hot their coffee is.  I mean, it's fuckin' coffee!  It's not supposed to be that hot, right?....  Insert eye roll here.  If some crazy bitch can sue for lack of common sense, can I sue for getting stale fries instead of fresh, hot, salty ones?  Because to be honest, I'm NOT lovin' it...  This is just the tip of the iceberg y'all.  There are so many outlandish lawsuits out there, it makes you wonder when the circus will end.  We mock a few cases, from the McDonald's coffee hater to whiplash from big titties and all the way over to PETA trying to protect the macaque (pronounced muh-cock) monkey's selfie as a copyright issue...  Whether you agree with these lawsuits or disagree with them, this episode is sure to amuse you in some fashion!  Hate it, love it - honestly, we don't give a fuck.  We just want to thank Norwegian for bringing our Donkey back safely!  Those cruise ships never fail to stay out of the news.  And what the fuck is Dave trying to pull from Man Brain Podcast?!  We know it's him running around with a big stinky pile of poo mask on, posing to be Hank...