Zero F*cks Given

"I mean he found him a ho that he like... But you can't make a ho a housewife..."  It would seem that Dr. Dre was onto something.  At least back in the early 90's.  Here we are in 2019 and being a hoe is a normal and acceptable thing.  So what happens when you fall in love with a hoe?  Can you really tame their most wild and free inhibitions?  Heather talks about her experience being a "back in the day" hoe to now being a housewife with hoe tendencies.  A freak will always be a freak so deal with it.  Teri doesn't get why a motherfucka can't just be honest and proclaim their hoe status proudly.  She reflects on the hoe she was married to and the hoes that the ex-hoe got around with.  We're just saying...  With friends like that, who needs enemies?!  Daisy keeps it short and sweet when she tells everyone to just do what makes them happy but to be aware of the consequences.  It was Daisy's "Dirty 30" so this episode was cut short for some drunken shenanigans.  We want to thank all of our listeners and supporters again!  We love the fact that you kill time in your bored, pathetic lives by listening to our meaningless bullshit.  Y'all are the fuckin' bees knees!

"I don't need a SUV or an umbrella... Why? Because I got a donkey and a sombrera!" And here we are at last with our final sister... Maribel joins us to reminisce on the good ol' days with Donkey aka Daisy. Even though there is a 10 year gap between the two, she appreciates the fact that Daisy uses her big mouth to say it how it is. Unfortunately, Maribel was thrown right into the lion's den without warning. She answered everything from the dick size of her first lover (spoiler alert - it was small) to her relationship with the rest of their siblings. We give her kudos for hanging in there with our random bullshit. Would you be shocked to hear that Daisy used her parents house as a party pad while they were away for two weeks? Which poses the question, why in the fuck would they ever trust her to be that responsible and boring?!?! We think it's time for this bitch to have another flyer party but this time her pad's getting crashed! Maybe we'll invite her parents... Things get real eye-opening when Maribel shares her journey to the great U.S. of A. One word... Courageous! You don't want to miss this!

"Once there was a woman went out to pick beans, and she found a hairy TOE..."  The sisterly love continues.  In this episode we learn that with family like these two, who needs enemies?!  Well, not really.  The torment that is discussed will make you cringe a bit, if not puke a little.  Who hasn't made their sibling suffer by holding them down while they string loogies from their mouth or by surprising them with nothing more horrid then a hand full of - well...shit?  That's right!  The gloves were definitely off between these two.  All in dirty fun of course.  And even though some of their behavior was what you would expect from young boys or "grown" men, they share nothing but love with one another.  Let's face it y'all...  At the end of the day, nobody ever has your back like family.  Even when you don't agree with one another.  They keep it real when they talk about some of the struggles they endured and conquered.  Just goes to show you that when you are at rock bottom, there's only one way to go from there.  And that's always up, baby!  We absolutely love these two from Head to Toe...

"Teri Berry Muffin - She looks bad, she cooks bad and she smells bad, too!"  Our next three episodes are solely dedicated to our wonderful sisters.  If it weren't for them, growing up would have been perfect - I mean, lonely...  Very lonely...  The first sister that we speak with out of the three is Mindy, Teri's older yet apparently younger looking sister.  And there's nothing like being tormented from the older sister.  They share everything from sister beatings and hazings to nut-cracking boyfriends and smoking bad weed in the ghetto.  Hearing about their childhood makes us realize why Mindy is so anal at home and Teri is a reckless mess when she parties.  And let's not forget about those infamous wire hangers...  "Mommy Dearest" seems somewhat similar to a special Mommy they know...  Nonetheless, spending part of their adolescence in a trailer park seemed to have brought them closer.  Just goes to show you that all those rich bitches in fancy, big homes missed out on what's really important - close sibling bonding time with a hint of Jerry Springer.  The big questions is, was Teri really adopted???  Grab a beer and some popcorn.  You can't make this shit up even if you tried.

What?! What?! In the butt!!!  That's right, freaks...  We're talking about getting down and dirty in the arse-hole.  Don't act like you've never thought about it.  Everyone has!  It's natural to be curious so free your mind of the negative and think about the positive.  You know...  Pleasurable stimulation that is.  Of course, there is the aftermath of shitting needles.  That's not fun!  We discuss which of us three have tried it vs not, whether we liked it, if we would do it again, why we wouldn't do it and what wonderful surprises may come if you're not properly... ummmm... clear for entry.  Sunflower seeds anyone?  There are some important things to consider if you are going to try it.  Is this penis going to permanently damage my asshole?  Do I have proper lube?  Once you have determined those things, be gentle initially until things get warmed up.  The last thing you want is to make your partner sound like a dolphin going "eh-uh, eh-uh!  Next thing you know, they're proceeding to roll up in a ball and cry in the corner because you were riding recklessly...  You must pay attention to those "slippery when wet signs" or someone is bound to get hurt.  Long story short, be adventurous but be considerate of your fuck mate.  Cheers to your butty hole!

"I don't want anybody else... When I think about you, I touch myself!"  Masturbation...  Mmmmm....  Just saying the word gets me hot!  Who doesn't masturbate?  I mean - come on!  If you don't, quit being lame and do it.  With all this talk about self love, you definitely should be partaking in some weekly, if not daily masturbation.  You don't need to tell anyone.  However, we will tell you all about how we masturbate, where we masturbate, what turns us on and how long it takes us.  And how 'bout them squirters?!  I applaud you for your talents!  If you want to be truly pleased by another human being in the bedroom, you should know what turns you on and off.  Yes, that means you will have to open your suck and communicate with your partner.  Other items we talk about - lube.  What do you use?  Porno sites - which ones are your favorite?  Where is the craziest place you have ever pleased yourself?  If you ain't scurred, share with us!  Shout out to all our listeners!  Please remember to subscribe on one of our channels (i.e. YouTube, PodBean, Spotify, Google).  It's great if you follow us on social media but we really need our subscribers to grow as much as our followers have on social media.  And please share!  Much love y'all!  XOXOXO  Now go fuck yourself!

Where have all the cowboys goooonnnneeee???  Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo....  Ok, not necessarily cowboys but men - where are the real men?!  Guys, before you go assuming shit, listen up.  In this episode, we actually discuss why women are at fault.  Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya?  Could it be feminism, social media, the vast growing urge to be insanely vain or do people just plain suck?  Our old friend Corey joins us in getting down to the facts.  You remember him, right?  The one that suggested we drink in Episode 4...  You would have thought we learned our lesson but here we go again.  We participate in more drinking but Corey's the only one that gets sappy...  This episode takes a brief turn when we reminisce the old days.  Yes, it involves sex.  Shocker right?  As for shout outs, as always to all of our listeners, thank you for the support.  And also, we're excited that Teri will in fact be back in AZ for her day job's company party!  That means Heather and Daisy get to take a mini road trip to join in the fun.  So stay tuned next week when we go live with all the crazy shenanigans.  Never a dull moment with these three bitches...

What's wrong with me and why do I feel this way?  It's a valid thought and a concern when you are dealing with anxiety, depression and fear.  You don't know where to turn or who will even listen at times.  And it scares the shit out of you!  But look...  You are NOT alone!  Turn to someone for an ear.  Even if you have to call a support line, do it!  Here's a number, 800-273-8255 and you can call 24/7.  Don't sit and dwell in your own darkness.  Also, life can suck big hairy balls!  However, your cup should never be looked at as half empty.  That cup is half full and the one person that can fill it up is you!  Take charge of your life.  Appreciate that you get to live right now in this moment because there are so many others who have reached the end of the road.  They are gone...  And I'm willing to bet most of them wished they had just a little bit more time before that last breath. And on that note, RIP Charles Hostetler.  You are NEVER forgotten...  

Special shout out to our girl, Heather!  Shredding the weight and buying smaller jeans!  Get it bitch! #NoExcuses

Love stinks! Yea! Yea!  Well, not always but it sure as hell can be a bitch.  The good thing to know is that you should not lose hope...  Seriously...  Blow up dolls are available at your local sex shop and you can order sex robots online.  No, no, no....  We're just kidding.  Wesley Welch joins us on this episode to provide a male's perspective on life after failed relationships.  And he has some great tips for men and women.  We cover everything from rushing into things to dating, to settling and having standards.  Ever heard of the three types of love?  We find validity in the overall representation of all three; although, it's not necessarily the same for everyone.  Big shout out to our girl, Jenny Roer!  Jenny has played a huge role in our photos and editing them to perfection.  She is a very talented individual and a rare breed in her expertise.  Check her out on Instagram by searching @jny.roer.  Special slam for our first hater...  Thank you for your hilarious comparison of us to a tequila drinking/pedophile loving, mullet cousin fucking, C130 tank ass bunch of bitches!  We appreciate your feedback and have one thing to say to you...  Eat a bag of dicks!

Liars, Twats and Brown-nosers...  Oh my!  Ah yes, nothing like some workplace drama to make life that much more appealing.  In all honesty though, fuck them.  We share our experiences working with both females and males.  Sometimes when you expect differences between the two, you will be disappointed.  Hats off to all the bad asses out there that are cool as shit at work.  You make it easier to get out of bed in the morning or night - depending on your shift.  This episode is full of shenanigans because of a suggestion to drink...  Thanks a lot, Corey...  Other than workplace talk, we cover things like toys, floating the river and why you should NOT interfere with drunk people.  You may end up needing an asp - I mean aspirin.  Also, we talk about Daisy and Heather's upcoming trip to see Teri in IdaHO in the summer of 2019.

Special shout out to SHE CAN for empowering women via expressions with clothing and recognizing our girl, Heather.  For more information, visit their page on IG @she_can_we_can and also on FB by searching SHE CAN.  We received a couple dick pics before this episode.  Thanks guys!  Keep 'em coming!  Don't be shy...