I’m back. Honestly, I don’t even know how I made it back alive, but here I am. What I’m coming back from is a full-blown meltdown that started on Mother’s Day and ended today—exactly 133 days later. When I look at that window of time, I’m actually impressed I survived it . For over a decade on YouTube, I’ve shown up every single week teaching about addiction—how to handle it, what to say, how to set boundaries, and how to navigate someone else’s dysfunction. I loved doing that for a long time. But behind the scenes, while I was helping others, something was happening to me. I was walking my own recovery path—from binge eating, binge drinking, and various self-sabotaging behaviors—and I shared those struggles publicly. I even created the “Love Yourself First Empowerment School” to help people heal from toxic relationships. And I was good at it. I dedicated my life to helping people speak their truth. But here’s the thing—I’m not here to tell you about yourself anymore or about the people in your life. Menopause cracked me open. It wasn’t a gentle awakening; it was a tunnel through hell. Over the past year and a half, I stripped away all the illusions—who I thought I was, what I believed I was here to do, how I showed up, even my own story around addiction. And on the other side, I came out raw, real, and unmasked.

What I discovered in these last 133 days is that my root addiction is love addiction. I was addicted to what everyone else needed, to their opinions, to a false self I built out of survival. That false identity drove me into all my other addictions—alcohol, food, toxic relationships, bad choices, self-betrayal, self-rejection, and self-denial. From now on, this channel is going to be about two things: my personal journey with love addiction, and how it’s shown up in every area of my life. I’m here for self-responsibility, for digging up buried treasure within, and for breaking through the blocks that keep us from living as our truest selves.

Learn more and join the journey at www.HeidiRain.com

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