How do you respond when someone you love says they feel guarded around you?

Carol’s question about how to start a difficult conversation quickly reveals something deeper: a long history of sibling dynamics, childhood wounds, and the painful feeling of being the less-loved child.

Together, we unpack what guardedness really is, why it forms, and how resentment, longing, and the need to feel loved can all live just beneath the surface.

This conversation is an invitation to move beyond trying to change others—and instead begin the deeper work of understanding ourselves, softening our defenses, and creating the conditions where something new might emerge.

Listen to learn:

• Why guardedness in relationships is often mutual—even when it doesn’t seem that way

• How resentment can keep others “on the hook” and quietly block connection

• Why healing relational wounds requires more than insight—it requires new relational experiences

Read more about softening on the blog.

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For ongoing practice and deeper learning, I warmly invite you to become a member of The School of Human Connection. 

Twice a month, I host live calls where members bring real relationship dilemmas. We slow things down and I'll help you see what's actually happening and how to respond with more integrity, strength and care.

You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.

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