In this episode, we tackle one of the most challenging aspects of communication: defensiveness. Whether it’s a friend who dismisses others, a family member who reacts sharply, or a coworker who resists feedback, defensiveness often creates distance in relationships. But what if we could work with defensiveness instead of resisting or judging it?

Drawing from real-life listener questions, I explore how to engage with others’ defenses in ways that foster trust, empathy, and connection. Together, we’ll uncover why defensiveness arises, how to approach it with curiosity, and the surprising ways it can become a bridge rather than a barrier. If you’ve ever struggled with someone’s resistance—or your own—this episode is for you. We listen to three different scenarios that can be turned around with the use of really clear requests.  


We discuss:

• 1:00 My friend is so judgmental of my other friends.  How can I talk to her about this?
• 6:00 Why clear requests are so essential.
• 9:49 Want to experience more care?  Try this move.
• 11:39 Leading with curiosity
• 19:44 Working with others' defenses.
• 20:57 How can I warm the relationship I have with my daughter?
• 29:07 How can I request an invitation to dinner?

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Today's conversation with Julia and Meka explores the problems with being "normal" and recommends strategies for being authentic and real, instead. The idea of being "normal" can be misused to keep people compliant and obedient - but this isn't always the "healthiest" or wisest move.  

Additionally, this episode features some discussion on the way domination systems use the concept to uphold existing power structures via moralistic judgements of "good/bad" and "normal/abnormal".

A takeaway:  Instead of asking "Is this normal?" try asking instead "Is this working for me?"

• 3:10 How can I remind others how I want to engage?
• 7:30 Care for the impact vs. responsibility for others' reactions.
• 11:30 What is "normal"?
• 14:26 What the concept of normal is used for.
• 15:32 Why we want to inspire change.
• 18:55 Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's healthy.
• 22:20 The way domination systems use the idea of "normal" to enforce obedience and conformity.
• 30:30 The difference between normal and healthy.
• 35:02 The benefit of embracing our authenticity.
• 39:02 Questions we can ask ourselves to reflect

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week we explore critical themes around racism, bullying, emotional safety, and systemic bias, as we talk with Simone about how to protect her kindergarten son from bullying.   In this powerful and emotionally charged episode, you'll witness both empathetic support and strategic advice for navigating the complex dynamics of racism, bias, and systemic inaction. Together, we discuss restorative circles, adultification bias, and practical ways to engage allies while ensuring the safety of vulnerable children. This episode is a must-listen for parents, educators, and anyone working to create safer, more inclusive communities for children.

We discuss:

• 4:05 My son is being bullied at school and it feels racially charged.  How can I encourage all parties to care?
• 10:43 Who are the people with the power that need to engage first?
• 14:24 How can I determine my clear request?
• 18:38 A two-pronged approach:  changing people's hearts AND changing systems.
• 20:13 Dreaming BIG: imagining a system that works for all people. 
• 23:45 Closing thoughts

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

In this special holiday episode, we explore what happens when connection feels strained, boundaries are tested, and communications gets tough.  From dealing with unsolicited advice and navigating silent partners to addressing unresolved conflicts in community and bridging value divides, these four callers bring real-life challenges that many of us can relate to.  Together, we'll unpack practical tools, compassionate insights, and reflective questions to help you stay grounded, set boundaries, and maintain connection--even when it's hard.

Show Notes: 

• 3:36 Dealing with unsolicited advice from a friend and how to navigate boundaries without snapping.
• 12:17 Silent partners, and how to create emotional safety when difficult conversations arise.
• 26:10 Unresolved conflicts in community, and how to approach delicate conversations with curiosity and care.
• 34:36 Bridging divides on life-and-death issues like vaccines, and how to stay grounded and compassionate when values clash.

Tune in for insights and practical tools on handling the messiness of human relationships, especially during the holiday season. 🎧✨

Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

Relationships as Spiritual Practice
Human 101 (free for Members!)
How to Have Hard Conversations
Blog Post:  How to Respond to Silence and Shut Downs

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

One of the most important stops we can make on our healing journey is figuring out how to sit with uncomfortable feelings.  Often, this will appear in the form of others being upset with us.  In this episode, we discuss one approach to others' upset:  the ability to hear the message even when couched in a clumsy delivery.

We consider:

• 2:00 How can I speak with a friend who's always on her phone?
• 9:22 The key to a difficult conversation?  How to elicit more care for more people.
• 14:34 My daughter doesn't want to spend time with me and is often mean.  What is a healthy response?
• 18:10 Can you hear the message and ignore the delivery?
• 21:59 Key practices when others are upset with us.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Today, we’re bringing you three heartfelt and deeply relatable conversations:

Co-Parenting with a Narcissist: 
How do you protect your children while maintaining your own emotional resilience? We’ll dive into strategies for setting firm boundaries, minimizing conflict, and creating a safe and nurturing environment for your kids—all while managing the complexities of dealing with someone who prioritizes control over collaboration.

Reconnecting with an Adult Child
How do you approach a grown child with whom you’ve had a strained relationship, especially when the past is filled with pain? We’ll explore ways to lead with vulnerability, take responsibility without burdening them, and open the door to reconnection with respect and care. 

Navigating Boundaries with a Difficult Roommate
Sharing a home can be a minefield of misunderstandings, especially when personalities clash and past trauma comes into play. We’ll break down how to manage a tense living situation with a roommate who struggles with passive-aggressive communication and territorial behaviors. 


We consider:

•  2:15 How can I co-parent best?
•  15:20 Will my requests make a sticky situation worse?
• 20:30 A helpful hint when dealing with narcissistic defenses
•  26:50 How can I open the door to a deeper conversation with my adult child?
• 32:35 What I'd want to hear from an estranged parent
•  38:02 How can I invite my roommate into a conversation?
• 48:30 Closing thoughts

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Let's dive into the complexities of communication, parenting, and emotional connection as we explore: 

1.  How to handle projections in relationships when someone assumes your 
thoughts and reacts defensively. 

2. What do you do when your child doesn't like your "tone of voice? 

3. What do you do when you want a deeper connection with a friend but fear their response? Or when a friendship feels unsafe, leaving you unsure how to proceed? 

4. The art of creating emotionally safe conversations in the face of judgment or blame. 


Want to skip to the good part? 

• 1:02  My friend gets angry at me because they imagine I'm thinking things that aren't even in my head.  What can I do?
• 8:42  How do I respond to "Don't psychoanalyze me?"
• 11:13  How can I alter the criticism my child hears in my voice? 
• 16:47  1 way to reduce power struggles
• 21:18  3 tips to shift our mindset from control to connection for parents
• 27:28  How can I be authentic if I don't feel safe?
• 32:10.  What is the "turnaround defense"?
• 39:24  A response to "You're too sensitive."
• 41:12  A response for "Don't take it so personally."
• 47:05  I want to speak with my friend but I'm afraid she'll tell me no.
• 53:53  How can I invite my friend into an authentic discussion?

If you’ve ever struggled with parenting, vulnerability, or feeling "too much," this episode will resonate deeply. Tune in to gain a roadmap for cultivating deeper connection, shared humanity, and self-sovereignty in all your relationships.

Ready to transform your parenting with practical, proven skills? My Parenting Masterclass is your next step to building stronger, more connected relationships with your kids. Click here to learn more and join today!

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Friendships can be so difficult to navigate sometimes.  In today's conversation, we help identify the factors that can make friendships feel icky, and work out ways to show up authentically and with an open heart, rather than trying to problem solve.

We discuss:

• 1:00  Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me?  Consider attending my retreat!
• 3:52  Help!  My friend and I can really trigger each other.
• 6:33  What to do when needs are different.
• 10:38  We're not here to protect other people from their feelings.
• 15:27  The difference between listening for understanding and listening for connection.
• 17:45  We don't need to understand to empathize.
• 19:37  The difference between being a mirror and a consultant.
• 25:19  Our feelings are information.
• 32:55  Closing thoughts

If you're looking for an in-person opportunity to ground yourself in your own goodness, read all about my March 2025 retreat to Santa Fe.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

Are you worried about Thanksgiving dinner conversations with family members who voted differently than you?  In this week's episode, we listen to a conversation with Suzanne, who is trying to navigate issues of duty and connection with family members who don't share her values.

We discuss:

• 1:39  How do I explain to my family that I can't talk to them?
• 4:55  Working with the concept of duty
• 9:48  Developing boundaries around our relational terms of engagement 
• 15:32  What needs are met when I reach out?
• 18:19  The difference between the public self and the private self/fitting in vs. belonging
• 27:15  What makes taking the next step in personal growth easier  
• 31:14  Closing thoughts

My online course How to Have Hard Conversations can help you navigate your next difficult conversation.  Need a roadmap for a difficult talk?  Register today!

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus

This week's podcast features one of my favorite discussions:  Boundaries.  It can be hard to set boundaries with life-long friends, and this week's discussion explores the complications concerning caring for ourselves, and helping others.

In this episode we explore:

• 1:00  Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me?  Consider attending my retreat!
• 4:01  A follow up conversation - "I had that hard conversation with my friend..."
• 8:59  What needs of yours did you meet by changing your plan?
• 10:57  A part of me wants to make her "wrong"
• 16:13  We can't do the hard work of waking up for someone else.
• 22:42  A script for disconnecting non-violently
• 26:58  The practice of somatic healing
• 29:00  The polarity between self-improvement and self-acceptance
• 31:55  Closing thoughts:  including 8 Practical Insights for Setting Boundaries.

If you're looking for an in-person opportunity to ground yourself in your own goodness, read all about my March 2025 retreat to Santa Fe.

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with your family and friends!

For ongoing practice and deeper learning, join my monthly membership program. You will find a safe space for live discussions and a supportive community of like-minded, open-hearted humans.


Subscribe & Follow:
Stay updated on new episodes and resources by subscribing wherever you listen to podcasts or visiting yvetteerasmus.com.

Thank you for listening!

Here are more ways to connect with me:

• Become a member of my online learning community
• Winter 2025 Retreat: Getting Grounded in Your Goodness
• Join our calls live
• Set up a private session
• Follow me on TikTok @dr.yvetteerasmus