This whole idea of "the in crowd" or "the popular crowd" comes up in questions I’ve received for many years.

As a generality, I’m calling the issue in crowd vs out crowd, but let me clear, nobody uses that exactly language when they write to me. What I get instead are letters explaining how frustrated people are when they aren’t being welcomed into a certain group, or when their kids aren’t included to hang out with a certain group.

Or perhaps a kid has encountered a "mean girls" situation where they were friends with a certain group and are now being excluded. In these various questions I get, so much rides on a particular group of people. As if being being part of that one special group will be the key to all the friendship problems without recognizing that being included in such a group can create new problems, like not trusting that these are your real friends. 

I find this worry comes especially from parents upset that their kids aren’t part of “that one group.”

ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO

📢 This week’s fabulous sponsor + how to purchase ad space on Dear Nina

📱 Subscribe to my newsletter “Conversations About Friendship” on Substack

❤️ Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, the Dear Nina Facebook group

📪 Ask an anonymous friendship question

🔎 Want to work with me or need another link? That’s probably here.



Get your tickets for Dear Nina Live in Minneapolis! https://ninabadzin.com/events/

Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!