December 20, 2022

161: Anne A. - first call

44 minutes

🔸 Anne plans to coach using IFS and is ready to work with the big issue threatening her marriage.

🔹 Part (Location, Fear, Rather be doing, Age, Needs):

You're not worth it. They'd be better off if you weren't here.

The wall on the chest, the cell

Afraid of heart break

Rather be loving everyone

Thinks Anne is 8

Calm, and for her to work with Pride, and for a mother-daughter date possibly involving horses

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

I feel like some of my worst work happens when a first-time caller is crying in the first five minutes. I detected multiple "exile flags" in the beginning of the call, and even after we switched targets, it felt to me like we had one foot in exile-land (the unshackling from a dark cell). I need to work on asking the right questions to deexileate, especially with first time callers.

On the other hand, I believe that all parts are like children when compared to Self. All fundamentally want and need the same thing from us. Maybe the "start with protectors" rule has as much to do with building a therapeutic relationship with the client as it does them building trust with parts.

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