On this week’s 51%, we discuss domestic violence: what it looks like, what resources are available, and how to get help. We sit down with Stand Up Survivor Founder Lisa Alexander to learn about the different types of domestic violence. And we also speak with Kelli Owens, executive director of the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence, about how the office's approach to services is changing.

Guests: Lisa Alexander, founder of Stand Up Survivor; Kelli Owens, executive director of the New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence; Sarah McGaughnea, outreach program director for Unity House of Troy

51% is a national production of WAMC Northeast Public Radio. Our producer is Jesse King, our executive producer is Dr. Alan Chartock, and our theme is “Lolita” by the Albany-based artist Girl Blue.

Follow Along

You’re listening to 51%, a WAMC production dedicated to women’s issues and perspectives. Thanks for joining us, I’m Jesse King. Just a note that today’s episode may be triggering or upsetting to some listeners, as we’re going to try to tackle a very sensitive subject. Since 1987, October has been National Domestic Violence Awareness Month — a time to discuss the various forms of abuse that can go on behind closed doors, and lift up survivors. Nonprofits and community organizations across the country are hosting seminars, conferences, and otherwise doing what they can to better inform the public. 

I’d like to start with an organization based in Orlando, Florida, called Stand Up Survivor. It was founded by Lisa Alexander in 2015, and Stand Up Survivor claims to reach roughly 1.3 million people a month worldwide for domestic violence education, prevention, and awareness. And notably, it is survivor-led: Alexander says her own experience with her now ex-husband prompted her to start the organization. 

"We were together for 10 years, and you know, it didn’t start physical," says Alexander. "But it gradually [moved] from emotional/psychological abuse — he was very controlling and manipulative...When I became pregnant with our daughter, that’s when it became physically violent. The domestic violence just went through the roof immediately, it just went all the way up. And then four months after I had my daughter I had my son, and then I was stuck. I literally felt stuck. I decided I can’t go anywhere — he had already told me that nobody would ever want me. And so I stayed in that relationship until my children were 2 and 3. And then it just got really bad, to the point where I knew that I had to leave, or he was going to kill me. And I always say, not if he was going to kill me — it was more like when he was going to kill me.”

That was back in 2010, and Alexander says the thing that got her out the door was a YouTube video in which a woman recounted her experience with domestic violence — and her successful life afterwards. Alexander says for the first time, she realized that she wasn’t doomed to stay with her abuser forever. So she wrote a note to her ex-husband, packed up her kids and whatever she could fit in her car, and left. She contacted a local shelter for an advocate named Ginelly Carrasco (who would go on to become Stand Up Survivor’s clinical director), and over time, Alexander slowly started using her voice. 

"And I found that people would say, ‘Oh, well this happened to me too.’ And I thought to myself, ‘You’ve got to be kidding me! You mean this is going on, and no one’s talking about it? Like, you could have saved me a long time ago?’" she says. "And so that’s when Stand Up Survivor started. It literally started as just me using my voice as a concept, and I decided to make it a nonprofit organization because I realized when I use my voice, it’s empowering other survivors to use theirs, too.”

Stand Up Survivor offers a range of services to back survivors, including safety planning for those looking to leave their abusers, and “f