On this week’s 51% — why is the beginning of the year such a big time for divorce? We speak with attorney Lauren Hunt to learn more about the divorce process and dispel some of the myths. We also speak with Sarah Armstrong, author of The Mom’s Guide to a Good Divorce, on how to keep kids at the forefront during the change.

Guests: Lauren Hunt, divorce attorney; Sarah Armstrong, author of The Mom's Guide to a Good Divorce: What to Think Through When Children are Involved

51% is a national production of WAMC Northeast Public Radio. It's produced by Jesse King. Our executive producer is Dr. Alan Chartock, and our theme is "Lolita" by the Albany-based artist Girl Blue.

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You’re listening to 51%, a WAMC production dedicated to women’s issues and experiences. Thanks for joining us, I’m Jesse King. With Valentine’s Day around the corner, I hope I don’t sound like too much of a cynic by introducing today’s topic. Today we’re gonna talk about divorce, and what people of all genders can expect as they’re going through the process. 

Just to get it out of the way, the common saying that “50 percent of American marriages end in divorce” is widely disputed. Tracking marriage data and coming up with a reliable divorce rate turns out to be a very tricky and debated process, but generally, researchers believe the number of U.S. divorces is on a decline, with “historic lows" right before the pandemic. How COVID-19 has impacted couples remains to be seen, but aside from an initial spike in those early lockdown months, some experts believe the divorce rate is again slowing down, and that, in some cases, the pandemic has brought couples closer together. 

But all of that said — divorce is still a very real possibility for any marriage, and it can have lasting impacts on everyone involved. We shouldn’t be afraid to talk about it. So even though the chocolate hearts are still on the shelves, let’s get into the nuts and bolts of the divorce process, dispel some myths, and grab some tips for when it gets especially tricky: when children are involved. 

Our first guest today is Lauren Hunt, a divorce attorney in Albany, New York. A bit of a disclaimer here: laws on marriage and divorce vary from state to state, so it’s always important to consult an attorney who is familiar with the laws in your state — but Hunt has been working with soon-to-be-single mothers and fathers for a little over a decade in the Capital Region. A child of divorce herself, she gets a lot of satisfaction from helping others through the process. I sat down with Hunt to learn more.  

Before we launch into the legal stuff, I heard that January is a major month for divorces? 

100 percent. 100 percent. The divorce filings do spike in in January, but within my firm, we tend to see a lot of people who are really reaching out for the first time trying to get information in January. They may not file immediately in January, but there is a lot of interest. And I think it's primarily because you know, it's a fresh start, right? It's the new year, and they've made a goal that this is the year they want to take control of their world and change things around. 

So why do people get divorced? Legally, what are some of the reasons that are there?

A lot of my clients say that the relationship fizzled. They've either realized that the person they're married to is not maybe the person they thought they married, right? Or perhaps over the years, that individual has changed. So perhaps over the years, they became much more of a workaholic, and they're not as home anymore, leaving all of the childcare to one of the spouses. Or perhaps over the years, they realize that their spouse is more on the line of a narcissist, who is a very tough person to manage and to live with. But most of the time, it's because people change as the year goes on. And I think that's the change that people are like, “You know what? I