Struggle Care

20: Disingenuous Communication: the Ace of Spades with Heidi Smith

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Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic!


Show Highlights:

  • Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between?
  • Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior
  • The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others.
  • Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness
  • Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.”
  • Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted. 
  • Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us
  • How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships
  • The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”


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    Struggle CareBy KC Davis
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