If sex sometimes feels confusing, overstimulating, or just... a lot, you’re not alone. ADHD and sensory issues can show up during sex and in our physical relationships. 

This week, psychologist Dr. Lyne Piché joins us to discuss how ADHD and sensory challenges can shape our sex lives, and how to talk about it. From touch sensitivity to struggling to focus, we dive into why things might feel like “too much” one minute and “not enough” the next—and how to figure it all out.

Related resources

• Dr. Piché’s website, drlynepiche.com
• Dr. Piché’s ADHD and Sex workbook
• An earlier Sorry, I Missed This episode: ADHD, sensory systems, and communication

Timestamps

(2:07) What is a sensory issue? 

(05:16) How do we build awareness and language about our sensory issues in the bedroom? 

(09:45) How do we tell the difference between sensory overload and just not being in the mood for sex? 

(12:15) The importance of trust in your partner, and not “enduring” something just for someone else

(15:22) How kink can help with sensory issues in sex

(16:42) Letting go of the shame over not liking the things that you’re “supposed” to like

(19:07) How can we talk to our partners about our sensory needs if we’re scared of hurting their feelings or disappointing them?

(22:47) Building “yes” spaces and talking to our partners about our sexy sensory dos and don’ts—without feeling unsexy

(27:44) Trying things out more than once to determine whether it’s a sensory issue or a preference

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Being a caregiver to a friend or loved one is hard—add ADHD to the mix, and it’s a whole different challenge.

Self-care and ADHD Coach Stephanie Antoine joins us to talk about what it’s like caring for our loved ones while managing executive dysfunction, burnout, and more. She also offers a few mindfulness practices to help us recenter when the stress feels like too much. If you’ve ever struggled to care for someone else while trying to keep yourself afloat, this one’s for you.

Related resources

• Stephanie’s website, stephanieantoine.com
• Download: Feeling stressed? Try the 5-4-3-2-1 mindfulness technique 
• From the ADHD Aha! podcast, Jessica McCabe on motherhood, social anxiety, and ADHD medication

Timestamps

(02:59) Why did Stephanie start helping others in caregiving roles?

(04:52) Executive function and caregiving, and beating yourself up

(07:51) How do we manage big feelings like frustration and resentment while caregiving?

(12:33) Perfectionism and caregiving

(17:14) The one thing Stephanie wants you to hear today

(19:09) A short guided meditation exercise from Stephanie

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

ADHD and kink might seem like an unexpected pairing, but for a lot of people, they go hand in hand. From rituals that help with focus to play that taps into the need for stimulation, BDSM can be more than just fun — it can be a real tool for regulation and connection.

In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with author and forensic sexologist Stefani Goerlich about how BDSM can actually support ADHD brains by offering structure, sensory input, and clear communication. 

Related resources

• Stefani’s website, stefanigeorlich.com
• Stefani’s books

Timestamps

(02:46) The broad umbrella of ‘kink’

(04:16) Focusing on BDSM in particular, and breaking down the acronym

(08:38) Kink is always relational, only sometimes sexual

(09:48) Why might someone gravitate towards kink/BDSM?

(12:30) Common kink myths

(15:44) Power exchange, and consent as foreplay

(16:32) The benefits of BDSM/kink

(18:24) How kink can help with claiming agency

(21:10) How negotiated arrangements can take some of the strain off executive function challenges

(23:39) What to do when one partner is kinky, and one is not so much

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

In theory, online dating can feel like an easy, low-stakes solution to meeting people. But in practice, there are a few pitfalls that many fall into. With ADHD, dating apps can pose even more challenges and be an additional drag on your attention. 

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard visits the show to talk about what she’s noticed while working with ADHDers on online dating. Join this conversation on the dopamine chase that can happen while using dating apps, and setting boundaries with yourself. 

Related resources

• Dr. Pollard’s website
• A dating coach talks ADHD and super-connecting
• ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(01:58) ADHD and online dating challenges

(09:17) Hyperfocusing on dating, and how to slow down

(11:41) “Marketing yourself” on online dating, and how to show the whole picture of who you are

(14:01) Figure out your “filter” for online matches, and include offline dating in addition to online

(17:03) Snap judgements, biases, and discrimination

(19:02) Feeling overwhelmed? Do what feels best for you

(20:02) ADHD disclosure on dating profiles

(22:42) Best practices for ADHDers to build meaningful relationships

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.

Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.

Related resources

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• The ADHD Women subreddit
• ADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group

Timestamps

(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”

(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”

(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”

(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”

(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not alone

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

People with ADHD can often get a bad rap for being “bad listeners.” So, instead of actually listening, we’re often focusing on: Do they know I'm listening? Am I making enough eye contact? Do I look engaged?

Host Cate Osborn chats with Understood.org Vice President of Expertise and licensed therapist Sarah Greenberg about  the listening strengths and weaknesses that can come with ADHD. They also unpack different modes of listening like listening to understand, listening to solve, and listening to connect.

Related resources

• How attention works
• From the ADHD Aha! podcast, “Why don’t you listen?” Paying attention vs. hearing (Peter’s story)

Timestamps

(00:41) Feeling self-conscious about our ability to listen with ADHD

(05:56) Different modes of listening

(07:40) Figuring out our listening strengths and weaknesses

(14:32) Anecdotal communication

(16:48) Asking what a person needs out of a conversation

(21:47) What can we do?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.

Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. 

Related resources

• adhdasfemales.com
• The ADHD Women subreddit
• ADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group

Timestamps

(00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD?

(03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community?

(09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community

(14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves

(18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD

(19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.

Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach. 

Related resources

• The MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)
• ADHD and: Shame
• ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits

(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made

(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily

(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not

(15:51) The element of repair

(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement

(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things

(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake

(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of advice

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.

Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship.

Related resources

• Michelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank

Timestamps

(02:46) What is emotional intimacy?

(04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD

(09:33) Shame and ADHD

(15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy?

(17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity

(20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections

(22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy?

(28:41) Where can you find Michelle? 

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?

Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. 

Related resources

• Lesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsyd
• A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank

Timestamps

(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?

(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility

(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?

(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships

(11:44) Weaponized incompetence

(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?

(17:19) Notice, shift, repair

(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner

(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things

(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner

(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse

(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids

(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice

(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and credits

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give