Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

ADHD and kink might seem like an unexpected pairing, but for a lot of people, they go hand in hand. From rituals that help with focus to play that taps into the need for stimulation, BDSM can be more than just fun — it can be a real tool for regulation and connection.

In this episode, host Cate Osborn chats with author and forensic sexologist Stefani Goerlich about how BDSM can actually support ADHD brains by offering structure, sensory input, and clear communication. 

Related resources

• Stefani’s website, stefanigeorlich.com
• Stefani’s books

Timestamps

(02:46) The broad umbrella of ‘kink’

(04:16) Focusing on BDSM in particular, and breaking down the acronym

(08:38) Kink is always relational, only sometimes sexual

(09:48) Why might someone gravitate towards kink/BDSM?

(12:30) Common kink myths

(15:44) Power exchange, and consent as foreplay

(16:32) The benefits of BDSM/kink

(18:24) How kink can help with claiming agency

(21:10) How negotiated arrangements can take some of the strain off executive function challenges

(23:39) What to do when one partner is kinky, and one is not so much

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This show page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

In theory, online dating can feel like an easy, low-stakes solution to meeting people. But in practice, there are a few pitfalls that many fall into. With ADHD, dating apps can pose even more challenges and be an additional drag on your attention. 

Clinical Psychologist Dr. Shauna Pollard visits the show to talk about what she’s noticed while working with ADHDers on online dating. Join this conversation on the dopamine chase that can happen while using dating apps, and setting boundaries with yourself. 

Related resources

• Dr. Pollard’s website
• A dating coach talks ADHD and super-connecting
• ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(01:58) ADHD and online dating challenges

(09:17) Hyperfocusing on dating, and how to slow down

(11:41) “Marketing yourself” on online dating, and how to show the whole picture of who you are

(14:01) Figure out your “filter” for online matches, and include offline dating in addition to online

(17:03) Snap judgements, biases, and discrimination

(19:02) Feeling overwhelmed? Do what feels best for you

(20:02) ADHD disclosure on dating profiles

(22:42) Best practices for ADHDers to build meaningful relationships

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org. 

We love hearing from our listeners! Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Are ADHD and cheating related? What about weaponized incompetence and ADHD? These are a few questions that surround the ADHD community.

Producer Margie visits the podcast for another round of ‘Reddit reactions’ with more posts from the ADHD women subreddit. Listen for host Cate Osborn’s reactions on a few different scenarios related to cheating and weaponized incompetence.

Related resources

• The National Domestic Violence Hotline
• The ADHD Women subreddit
• ADHD support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group

Timestamps

(02:00) Post #1 “ADHD and cheating/Adrenaline and dopamine”

(09:24) Post #2 “Narcissist cheater and ADHD”

(15:30) Post #3 “Does anyone else sometimes identify with those ‘weaponized incompetence’ guys you hear about?”

(21:22) Post #4 “I’m so tired of trying to compensate for myself AND my partner”

(27:51) ADHD can be challenging, and you’re not alone

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

People with ADHD can often get a bad rap for being “bad listeners.” So, instead of actually listening, we’re often focusing on: Do they know I'm listening? Am I making enough eye contact? Do I look engaged?

Host Cate Osborn chats with Understood.org Vice President of Expertise and licensed therapist Sarah Greenberg about  the listening strengths and weaknesses that can come with ADHD. They also unpack different modes of listening like listening to understand, listening to solve, and listening to connect.

Related resources

• How attention works
• From the ADHD Aha! podcast, “Why don’t you listen?” Paying attention vs. hearing (Peter’s story)

Timestamps

(00:41) Feeling self-conscious about our ability to listen with ADHD

(05:56) Different modes of listening

(07:40) Figuring out our listening strengths and weaknesses

(14:32) Anecdotal communication

(16:48) Asking what a person needs out of a conversation

(21:47) What can we do?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Without community, ADHD can feel isolating and shameful. Like you’re the only one facing these challenges and “can’t get it together.” Community provides a space to share the wins and the embarrassing moments. And it can be especially helpful for women processing late diagnoses.

Host of the ADHDAF podcast and UK ADHD community builder, Laura Mears-Reynolds, visits the show to talk about how sharing experiences with others can ease shame, and create support. 

Related resources

• adhdasfemales.com
• The ADHD Women subreddit
• ADHD Support for Women by Understood.org’s Facebook group

Timestamps

(00:57) How do we find value in a community with ADHD?

(03:58) How did Laura get started building the ADHDAF community?

(09:39) Feeling alone in what you’re facing without community

(14:36) Being compassionate with others helps us be compassionate with ourselves

(18:14) Feeling isolated with ADHD

(19:56) How do I find community? How do I build it myself?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.org

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

A lot of shame can come up when a person with ADHD is confronted about a mistake they’ve made. They might start to spiral into bad feelings, and negative self-talk, when really the person bringing up the mistake most likely wants to repair their relationship, and even strengthen their bond.

Host Cate Osborn chats to ADHD coach Jaye Lin about why this happens, and what we can do to “reverse the train” to stop the spiral. Jaye is the host of another show on the MissUnderstood podcast channel, Tips from an ADHD Coach. 

Related resources

• The MissUnderstood podcast channel (where you can find Jaye’s podcast, Tips from an ADHD Coach)
• ADHD and: Shame
• ADHD and emotions

Timestamps

(00:41) Being scared of making mistakes or showing ADHD traits

(04:38) “Reversing the train” instead of spiraling when someone brings up a mistake we’ve made

(08:23) Slipping into the shame spiral easily

(11:28) Directly addressing the damage caused by your actions, intentional or not

(15:51) The element of repair

(16:30) Perfectionism and internalized judgement

(20:28) Rejection sensitivity and how we react to things

(23:19) The “scary moment” when someone brings up your mistake

(25:55) Jaye’s last piece of advice

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Join health and science journalist Danielle Elliot as she investigates the rise of women recently diagnosed with ADHD. Listen to Climbing the Walls now.

Emotional intimacy is about sharing an emotional connection and presence with yourself and other people. But a lot of ADHD traits, and lived experiences, can get in the way. This could be due to trouble with emotional regulation, the emotional labor it takes to feel believed, masking, and more.

Michelle Frank is a clinical psychologist and the co-author of A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD. Listen to this conversation exploring how shame can be a roadblock to emotional intimacy, and how this intimacy can look different within every relationship.

Related resources

• Michelle’s book, A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank

Timestamps

(02:46) What is emotional intimacy?

(04:14) Barriers to emotional intimacy with ADHD

(09:33) Shame and ADHD

(15:29) What steps can we take to build emotional intimacy?

(17:28) Sitting in uncomfortable feelings, and rejection sensitivity

(20:48) People pleasing versus building authentic connections

(22:36) What about when we’re in a relationship without emotional intimacy?

(28:41) Where can you find Michelle? 

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Romantic partners often support and help each other out with different things. And with ADHD in the relationship, there might be some extra support needed here and there. But what happens when that support crosses the line into parentification, or taking care of your partner like they’re your child? Or the other way around, where your partner is responsible for taking care of you?

Psychologist Lesley Cook (@lesleypsyd) visits the podcast to talk about how to notice parentification happening in your relationship, and the resentment that can build when it goes unnoticed. 

Related resources

• Lesley’s TikTok, @lesleypsyd
• A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank

Timestamps

(03:03) What is a parentified relationship?

(05:37) When an ADHD partner is the “parent” in the relationship or takes on too much responsibility

(07:33) Are parentified relationships typically gendered?

(08:48) Fairness versus equity in relationships

(11:44) Weaponized incompetence

(14:49) What happens to a relationship when it’s parentified for too long?

(17:19) Notice, shift, repair

(18:45) What to do when you notice yourself taking on too much responsibility for your partner

(21:08) People pleasing, and the need to fix things

(22:46) How to ask the right questions to your partner

(24:07) Noticing your ADHD at play, and using it as an explanation, not an excuse

(28:02) Setting an example as a parent to kids

(32:24) Lesley’s parting advice

(33:00) Where you can find Lesley and credits

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

Monogamous romantic relationships have been seen as the norm for a long time. They’re the kind most commonly represented in the media, often as the only “right” kind of relationship. However, open relationships, polyamory, and other consensual non-monogamous relationships are more common than you might think. People with ADHD often find ways of living life outside of the typical standard. This could include being non-monogamous!

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She is the author of the book Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients). Listen to this conversation on jealousy, reaching agreements with your partner, and what consensual non-monogamy really is.

Related resources

• Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (And Their Clients) by Martha Kauppi
• 8 Steps To Opening Up: Starting The Conversation About Non-Monogamy, a Free eBook by Martha Kauppi
• Martha Kauppi’s website, www.instituteforrelationalintimacy.com

Timestamps

(00:55) Why learn about consensual non-monogamy?

(04:04) What is consensual non-monogamy?

(05:36) What is the biggest misconception about non-monogamy?

(08:40) Building a relationship that works for you, not just what you see in the media

(11:46) Viewing non-monogamy as an option in life

(15:42) Moving toward consensual non-monogamy in a relational way

(21:03) How would you start a conversation about opening your currently monogamous relationship?

(24:20) Tips for working through jealousy 

(25:35) What is compersion?

(30:13) It’s OK if non-monogamy isn’t for you! 

(32:10) Where can you find Martha? 

For a transcript and more resources, visit the Sorry, I Missed This page on Understood.

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give

This week, host Cate Osborn shares an episode from ADHD and, another podcast on the MissUnderstood podcast channel.  

Imagine receiving a “no” to an idea you’ve shared in a meeting. Instead of brushing it off, you become overwhelmed with thoughts of self-doubt and a deep sense of rejection.  

This intense emotional reaction is known as rejection sensitivity. And many women with ADHD experience it. In this episode, Dr. J explains how ADHD can amplify fears of rejection. Listen in to learn strategies women with ADHD can use to navigate these feelings.

Related resources

• ADHD and rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)
• Emotion sunburn: What rejection sensitive dysphoria feels like to me
• Rejection sensitivity, ADHD drain, and the power of failure (Weston’s story)

Timestamps

(00:00) Introduction from Cate

(01:43) Start of ADHD and episode

(02:32) What is rejection sensitivity?

(04:33) How can rejection sensitivity impact women with ADHD?

(05:14) Helpful ways to manage rejection

(06:31) What is cognitive reframing?

For a transcript and more resources, visit the MissUnderstood page on Understood.org

We love hearing from our listeners. Email us at [email protected].

Understood.org is a nonprofit organization dedicated to empowering people with learning and thinking differences, like ADHD and dyslexia. If you want to help us continue this work, donate at understood.org/give