Estranged adult children might say to their parents, "You brought this on yourselves" – referring to parental behaviors that contributed to their need for space.

But parents may say the same thing to adult children who choose estrangement, and then discover they're still unhappy: "You're bringing this on yourself (by keeping your distance)."

Where do we go from here? It's a stalemate. But the question of who "brings estrangement on themselves" is far less relevant to reconciliation, than whether we can find compassion for everyone who contributes to their own suffering in any way. Because "everyone" is us.

In this thoughtful, mind-changing episode, psychotherapist and host Tina Gilbertson urges listeners not to withhold compassion from themselves and others, even when problems appear to be self-inflicted.

For evidence-based information and tools to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Follow Tina Gilbertson on Substack.