This is Part 2 of a 2-part episode that began with Episode 188 (not 187 as stated in this episode). Click here for Part 1. More often than not, when no-contact adult children end their estrangements and return to the relationship, there's an elephant in the room -- at least from the parent's point of view.

Parents feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to avoid whatever it was that created the problem in the first place. If only their adult children would tell them what went wrong, so they could keep it from happening again!

But that elephant-in-the-room feeling may not be shared by the adult child, who wants the relationship to work as much as the parent does. They might not want to talk about the elephant. And that leaves parents feeling unsettled, to say the least.

This episode is for you if you're feeling nervous and unsure around your recently reconciled, or semi-estranged, adult child.

For more about how to make repairs and begin to heal from parent-adult child estrangement, read show host Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Seeking Safety in Estrangement (scroll to bottom of that page for more emotional safety resources)

The Center for Nonviolent Communication

Validation and Estrangement

How to Validate Someone

More often than not, when no-contact adult children end their estrangements and return to the relationship, there's an elephant in the room -- at least from the parent's point of view.

Parents feel like they're walking on eggshells, trying to avoid whatever it was that created the problem in the first place. If only their adult children would tell them what went wrong, so they could keep it from happening again!

But that elephant-in-the-room feeling may not be shared by the adult child, who wants the relationship to work as much as the parent does. They might not want to talk about the elephant. And that leaves parents feeling unsettled, to say the least.

This episode is for you if you're feeling nervous and unsure around your recently reconciled, or semi-estranged, adult child.

For more about how to make repairs and begin to heal from parent-adult child estrangement, read show host Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 125: The GOOD Parent’s Biggest Blind Spot, Part 1 Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 126: The GOOD Parent’s Biggest Blind Spot, Part 2 Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 54: Why Do They Cut Off Contact Instead of Talking About It? Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 118: Does Your Adult Child Lack Communication Skills?

Hear the voices of parent who are facing the holidays without their estranged adult children this year...

If you’re unwillingly estranged from your adult child or children during the holiday season, host Tina Gilbertson and members of the Reconnection Club community want you to know you’re not alone.

Listen to this very special episode in your podcast player app before it expires on December 30th, 2024.

Episodes never expire from the Reconnection Club website. Find any episode on our site by typing the episode number after a “/” like this: “Reconnectionclub.com/187”

For more holiday-related resources from the Reconnection Club, check out these materials:

RCP Episode 107: Staying Present In Their Absence

Practice Slow Breathing BEFORE the Holidays

Inviting Estranged Adult Children Home For the Holidays

RCP Episode 69: It’s OK to Enjoy Yourself During Estrangement

Make a Detailed Plan to Get Through Special Days

Getting Through Christmas

For much more about how to deal with estrangement from your adult child(ren) throughout the year, read Tina’s book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Following on from episodes 160 and 162 (see episode links below), host Tina Gilbertson addresses another one of those cognitive distortions (or common thinking errors) that create extra suffering in an experience that’s already painful: Estrangement from your adult child(ren).

In this episode, Tina runs through a total of six examples (keep listening after she reviews the first three!) of black and white thinking embraced by parents of no-contact adult children. How many feel familiar to you?

Listeners will find relief in the idea that estrangement isn’t necessarily all or nothing, that there are many possibilities -- even when that doesn’t seem possible.

For more information on why adult children become estranged (or "go no-contact") and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 160: Emotional Reasoning Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 162: Overgeneralizing and Catastrophizing Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 117: Heroes and Villains Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 176: Regarding Apologies Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 154: Nothing Happens in a Vacuum

Some estranged adult children go no contact because they say their parents are too critical. Has your adult child made this complaint?

Are you frustrated because you just don't see what they're seeing? Does it seem like your adult child is too sensitive, and you're walking on eggshells because you never know what's going to make them feel criticized?

Or do you recognize what they're talking about, but can't seem to change the dynamic?

This episode is for anybody accused of being critical towards adult children, spouses or others.

In an interesting thesis, Tina Gilbertson suggests what might be going on that's coming across as criticism, and what you can do about it.

Changing relationship dynamics takes time. But if you know where to begin, you can get started today even if your adult child isn't currently in contact.

For information on why adult children become estranged (or "go no-contact") and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Getting along with in-laws is an age-old tradition, but also a challenge for many. When your adult child appears to be estranged because their partner doesn’t like you, it can feel like a hurtful and impossible situation.

The partner may seem like a cruel and powerful gatekeeper, standing between you and your child and grandchild(ren). Resentment soon follows. And things go downhill from there.

Although this may not be an easy problem to solve, you’ll want to make sure you’ve truly done everything you can to make repairs from your end.

This episode is for every unwillingly estranged parent who’s tried in vain to win over an adult child’s partner. You’ll learn five separate (and possibly overlapping) reasons why the partner doesn’t seem to like you and, more importantly, what you can do about it.

For more information on why adult children become estranged (or “go no-contact”) and what parents can do about it, read Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child by Tina Gilbertson.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 131: Preparing for Family Therapy

Not every parent whose adult child goes no contact feels like hiding it from friends and acquaintances. But many parents do.

If you feel uncomfortable sharing the fact of your adult child(ren)'s estrangement, you might identify with the Reconnection Club member whose words Tina shares in this forum-inspired episode.

If you fear the judgement of others, could it be that you've been judging yourself? If so, how can you overcome the quiet embarrassment that keeps you from living out loud?

Listen to the words of a Reconnection Club member who wrestled with this very question in our forums. And won.

For much more about how to deal with estrangement by your adult child(ren) read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Political differences can play a role in family estrangement. But simply having differences is not the whole problem.

How we communicate with family members who don't share our views affects our ability to connect with them in spite of those differences.

In this helpful episode, Tina shares an excerpt from her conversation with relationship expert Bill Eddy, author of Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict.

For more about communicating effectively with estranged adult children and healing from parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCE:

Calming Upset People with EAR by Bill Eddy

When you have an estranged adult child who's gone no-contact, it's impossible not to think about change.

Something needs to change if your adult child's estrangement is to end. But making changes isn't easy. Especially if you're not sure what to change, or how, or why.

In this episode, Tina shares her personal experience of an unexpected change that happened in her life. She talks about how change can happen when you least expect it, and how profound developments can appear without effort through simple, non-judgmental curiosity.

This is an episode for everyone interested in, or struggling with, making positive changes.

For much more information on resolving parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

About Feldenkrais

Meditation, Movement and Neurological Quiet – An Interview With Maggy Burrowes

Reconciliation between parents and no-contact adult children can be thought of as a phase of estrangement. That means that for many parents, reconciliation will be disappointing – at least for a while.  Things aren’t back to normal. Conversation doesn’t flow. You might still feel estranged, even though there’s contact. What’s going on? In this episode, Tina normalizes some of the disappointing and frustrating aspects of reconciliation. She explains that it’s nobody’s fault, and that it may require continued personal and interpersonal development.  If your adult child’s behavior seems unpredictable even though they’re supposed to be reconciled, it doesn’t mean the process has stalled. It may simply mean that it’s getting under way.

EPISODE RESOURCES: Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 164: Emotional Safety Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 171: Understanding Ambivalence Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 144: What’s Your Strategy? Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 97: Road Map to Reconnection (Part 1)

For more information on why adult children become estranged (or "go no-contact") and what parents can do about it, read Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.