The Reconnection Club Podcast

"We see the world not as it is, but as we are."

In this episode, Tina invites parents unwillingly estranged from their adult children to take a step back and consider their beliefs about themselves, others, and the world.

She compares our individual worldview to a pair of glasses, with lenses of a particular color. We can't help but perceive the world in a limiting way as long as it reaches us through a fixed filter.

The central idea in this episode is that even if your adult child's estrangement is an objective fact, the meaning of it, and your response to it, will mirror your habitual feelings, beliefs and expectations.

This is a contemplative episode. Listen when you have time and energy for reflection.

For information on why adult children become estranged and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

RCP Ep. 160: Emotional Reasoning

Find all episodes at reconnectionclub.com/podcast. 

If you’ve received a letter from your estranged adult child, this week’s episode of the Reconnection Club Podcast, along with the one preceding it (Episode 177), is a must-listen. Because however hopeless, hurt or angry you might feel when you read it, it could actually contain the blueprint for future reconciliation and peace.

Many parents fail to decode the message that’s usually there between the lines – the one about what went wrong in the relationship, and how to help heal it.

That’s more valuable than any other information the parent could obtain about how to end estrangement. And yet most parents overlook it at first.

Before responding to a letter from your estranged adult child, use this two-part episode to process what they wrote. Be sure to start with Part 1!

Remember there’s no need to rush a reply; points are not given for quick responses, only effective ones. Set a boundary around your own process, and take the time you need.

For plenty of ideas on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina’s book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE SERIES RESOURCES:

Criticism As a Form of Connection Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them RC Podcast Episode 139: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 1) RC Podcast Episode 140: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 2) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 168: Emotional Pain: A Field Guide

If you’ve received a letter from your estranged adult child, this week’s episode of the Reconnection Club Podcast is a must-listen. Because however hopeless, hurt or angry you might feel when you read it, it could actually contain the blueprint for future reconciliation and peace.

Many parents fail to decode the message that’s usually there between the lines – the one about what went wrong in the relationship, and how to help heal it.

That’s more valuable than any other information the parent could obtain about how to end estrangement. And yet most parents overlook it at first.

Before responding to a letter from your estranged adult child, use this two-part episode to process what they wrote.

There’s no need to rush a reply; points are not given for quick responses, only effective ones. Set a boundary around your own process, and take the time you need.

For lots of ideas on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Criticism As a Form of Connection Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them RC Podcast Episode 139: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 1) RC Podcast Episode 140: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 2) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 168: Emotional Pain: A Field Guide

TRANSCRIPT:

These are uncertain times for those of us who create and freely share content via the Internet.

I mentioned on the podcast earlier this year that I needed some time to assess the impact of all the changes happening in the world of digital information, including the widespread, unregulated use of AI.

At that time, I removed the show from a couple of the larger platforms, and stopped releasing new episodes to those platforms. Unfortunately, many smaller platforms were also affected. And that’s made it a lot harder for the show to be found by new listeners, which is a dilemma I’m still wrestling with. 

Because it’s become clear that even more changes are necessary to protect the integrity of this podcast, even while making sure that you, the listener, can still access it.

So here’s the current plan. 

Starting with Episode 177, which will be released on July 29th, 2024, new episodes will appear in more places, but with certain exceptions, they will expire when the next episode is released.

And beginning immediately, I’m going to start expiring some of the older episodes – again, with certain exceptions.

Namely, the following: 

- If you’re used to listening to the videos on our YouTube channel, or ...

- If you listen on the Reconnection Club website...

Nothing will change for you.

There will be no expiration and you can disregard this entire announcement. (Again, that is if you listen on either our YouTube channel, or our website.)

However, if you use a podcast player app like iHeartRadio or Pocket Casts, then new episodes starting with 177 will typically be available for only two weeks, and then they will expire. 

There are ways to get around that two-week time limit. Within those first two weeks, you should still be able to download episodes and keep them for however long you want, depending on the app. Please check on that directly with your app. I don’t have that information.

But if you ever lose an episode or can’t find one that you’re looking for, remember you can always find every single episode, old and new, on the Reconnection Club website, at reconnectionclub.com/podcast, or by episode number, for example, "reconnectionclub.com/130" for Episode 130. Or, subscribe to our YouTube channel for free and listen there.

I know that episode expiration will not be a welcome change, and I thank you for your understanding and patience as I try to strike a balance between limiting unauthorized access by AI, and preserving your access to the podcast as a listener. 

I also thank you for sharing the Reconnection Club Podcast with other parents experiencing unwanted estrangement from their adult children. 

Thank you for your continued support in these challenging times. 

There are many more episodes to come! To find ALL episodes of the Reconnection Club Podcast, go to Reconnectionclub.com/podcast.

Safety can be physical – such as being safe inside during a storm – or emotional.

In this important episode, Tina explains why “emotional safety” is more than a buzzword, and why unwillingly estranged parents benefit from understanding and embracing the concept.

Emotional safety is important in close relationships. But for parents living without sufficient emotional safety themselves, creating safety for their adult children may not yet be possible. 

Tina gives examples of ordinary situations that don’t meet the human need for emotional safety. She encourages listeners to reflect on whether they might be living in those situations, and figure out how to improve or transform them wherever possible.

She also shares 10 tips for increasing emotional safety in relationships.

If your adult child has ever spoken to you about feeling safe in your relationship (or even if they haven’t), this episode is a must-listen.

EPISODE LINKS:
Emotional Safety is Necessary for Emotional Connection
How to Be an  Emotionally Safe Parent

Members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. 
Not a member yet? Learn more and join. 
Check out Tina’s book, Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child.

Why is it so hard to be consistent in how you think or feel during estrangement from your adult child(ren)? Why does your heart sometimes ache for your adult child, and other times feel only frustrated and hurt?

For some parents, there’s a quiet but persistent inner conflict between personal growth and repairing an estranged relationship. Those parents face an impossible choice: Should they be true to themselves? Or should they forsake their own healing and prioritize the relationship?

An example of that conflict highlighted in this episode is when personal growth requires parents to speak up for themselves as part of healing from past emotional abuse or neglect.

When their estranged adult children express dissatisfaction with the relationship, parents’ healthy need for boundaries and self-protection may conflict with the momentary need to listen without defensiveness.

It’s a deeply disturbing and painful dilemma when preserving the relationship with oneself stands in opposition to nurturing the relationship with one’s child(ren). And while there’s no ready solution in the short term, it’s possible to keep the problem from becoming entrenched by continuing to walk with purpose along your own path of personal healing and growth, as Tina explains.

EPISODE RESOURCE:

Personal Healing: More Than a Detour for Rejected Parents 

For more on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Following on from RC Podcast Episode 160 (see episode links below), Tina tackles two more cognitive distortions, or mental mistakes, that can make an unwanted estrangement feel even worse than it already does.

In this equally eye-opening episode, Tina offers multiple examples of overgeneralizing and catastrophizing in the context of estrangement from adult children. She explains how parents' personal histories can predispose them to these psychological pitfalls through no fault of their own.

As always, there are practical suggestions for overcoming cognitive distortions and the chronic stress they tend to fuel.

For more on coping with, understanding, and effectively addressing estrangement from estranged adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

RC Podcast Episode 160: Emotional Reasoning
RC Podcast Episode 20: What Your Child’s Silence Really Means
Feeling Good by David Burns

Therapist directories:
https://traumatherapistnetwork.com/
https://www.psychologytoday.com
https://www.goodtherapy.org/

For millions of people around the world who celebrate Christmas* – including parents unwillingly estranged from their own adult children and grandchildren – “the most wonderful time of the year” can also be one of the least wonderful times.

In this special Christmas episode for parents of estranged adult children, Tina normalizes emotional pain during what is supposed to be the season of good cheer. She outlines an attitude to adopt and a strategy to employ, to combat the painful uncertainty of what to expect at Christmas during an ongoing estrangement.

As always, she invites listeners to take charge of their experience and remember their inherent value as human beings.
Don’t miss this takeaway-packed episode.

*  If you’re an unwillingly estranged parent who doesn’t celebrate this particular holiday, click here for a list of more inclusive holiday-themed resources on this site. Please note: Some resources on that list are only accessible to Reconnection Club members.

For much more information on coping with, and responding effectively to, estrangement by your adult child (or children), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

RC Podcast Episode 139: Emotions of Estrangement, Part 1

RC Podcast Episode 140: Emotions of Estrangement, Part 2

Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them

Make a Detailed Plan to Get Through Special Days

RC Podcast Episode 131: Preparing for family therapy

BONUS: Tina Gilbertson’s humorous, therapy-themed version of “The 12 Days of Christmas”

Parents of estranged adult children may feel – and believe – that estrangement is an emergency requiring immediate action on their part. It’s as though they stand to lose their adult child(ren) forever if they don’t do something about it right now. No wonder it feels like an emergency!

And if those parents don’t know what to do, or if everything they do seems to make matters worse, they can fall into a state of terrible limbo. They become vulnerable to desperation, anxiety, depression, and more.

Not taking immediate action to end estrangement (whatever that would be) does not mean losing your child forever. It’s just one example of a trick of the mind called “emotional reasoning.”

Emotional reasoning is a cognitive distortion, or mental mistake, that can cause parents more pain than necessary during unwanted estrangement.

In this informative episode, Tina explains the negative impact of emotional reasoning and gives examples she sees in parents she works with. Some of the examples might sound familiar to you. If so, this episode can help you begin to free yourself from the painful prison of emotional reasoning.

For much more information on coping with, and responding effectively to, estrangement by your adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.