In this final episode of a series on validation (see links below), Reconnection Club Podcast host Tina Gilbertson brings clarity and compassion to one of the most emotionally charged applications of this skill: validating estranged adult children.

Earlier episodes explored what a lack of validation looks like, offered a two-step validation technique (be sure to review Ep. 199 before listening to this one), and suggested reasons to practice validating yourself before trying it with others. This episode features tips for applying validation in the sensitive context of a trouble relationship.

To round out this episode and the validation series, you’ll hear thoughtful answers to three frequently asked questions, including whether it’s okay to bring out negative feelings while validating, and how to regularly express empathy with small children without making them self-centered.

Offering both helpful guidance and hope, this series of episodes (198-201) will be treasured by anyone wanting to connect or reconnect with their adult child(ren) in a way that feels authentic, respectful, and emotionally intelligent.

For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

Part 1. Validation (Or Lack Thereof) (Ep 198)

Part 2. Validation: What, Why, How and When (Ep 199)

Part 3. Validation and You, The Estranged Parent (Ep 200)

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 193: The Truth of the Matter

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 37: Reconciliation -- The 4 Stages of Competence

Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them

About Social Learning Theory

RC Validation Resources page (members only)

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In this thought-provoking third episode of a 4-part series on validation, Tina Gilbertson takes listeners deeper into the heart of the topic. She makes a compelling case for why self-validation isn’t just helpful, it’s essential. Without it, our attempts to validate others, especially estranged adult children, can fall flat or even backfire.

Tina shares a powerful (and somewhat unsettling) example that highlights just how tricky it can be to validate someone’s emotions when you’re the one they’re upset with. What do you do when you don’t agree with their version of you? How do you stay grounded in your own truth while still offering genuine empathy?

You’ll come away from this episode with a clearer, more nuanced understanding of validation, and why it often starts with giving yourself what you may never have received from others.

For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

Part 1. Validation (Or Lack Thereof) (Ep 198)

Part 2. Validation: What, Why, How and When (Ep 199)

In this invaluable second episode of a 4-part series, host Tina Gilbertson wades into the nuts and bolts of validation -- a concept that can shift the dynamics of strained or distant relationships in positive directions.

With her usual warmth and clarity, Tina walks you through how to acknowledge someone’s feelings without judgment or correction. ... And without losing yourself in the process.

If you've ever wondered how to respond when your adult child expresses anger, pulls away, or shares something you deeply disagree with, this episode offers a fresh and practical perspective. Tina boils down validation to the basics: What it is, why it matters more than most people realize, how you can start practicing today, and when to apply this skill in your life and relationships.

You’ll learn a simple, two-step technique anyone can use to validate authentically. You’ll hear specific language to help you navigate emotional conversations with more confidence and calm.

This is an episode that may leave you thinking differently about the next conversation you have, and how you want to show up for it.

For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 163: Personal Growth vs. Parenting?

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Many estranged adult children report feeling invalidated in their interactions with their parents. These feelings -- of being dismissed, misunderstood, or emotionally unseen -- often contribute to ongoing disconnection.

But what exactly does invalidation sound like in everyday conversation? And how can parents begin to recognize these pitfalls, to make sure they’re being as supportive as they want to be?

In this compassionate and informative episode, host Tina Gilbertson begins a vital exploration of validation -- what it means, why it matters, and how it often plays a pivotal role in the dynamics between parents and adult children.

The first of a four-part series, this episode focuses on three common types of invalidating responses. Tina breaks down each type with clarity and care, offering real-life examples to help listeners recognize them in context.

Future episodes in this series will explore validation in greater depth, offering tools and insights to support parents on their journey through estrangement with empathy and clarity.

For much more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

How to Validate Someone

Validation and Estrangement

Words of Validation for Parents of No-Contact Adult Children

Validation Workshop (Reconnection Club member login required)

This important episode features excerpts from a previously recorded conversation between host Tina Gilbertson and trauma expert Harold “Pat” Patrick, regarding trauma from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs).

Their discussion uncovers how unresolved trauma from even the distant past can subtly shape the emotional lives of parents today -- especially those facing rejection from their adult children. Even after years of therapy, deep-seated emotional wounds can persist, influencing parents’ reactions.

In two separate excerpts, Pat offers valuable insights on how to recognize the hidden remnants of trauma, and explores the powerful idea that it's never too late to begin healing, and to find happiness within.

Whether you’re a parent struggling with wrenching emotional pain from estrangement, or simply seeking to understand the current situation better, this episode provides hope and practical advice for moving forward and reclaiming your emotional well-being.

For more on how to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 194: Room for Improvement

The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Questionnaire

The full interview with Pat Patrick (RC members must be logged in to access)

When adult children become estranged from their parents, the ripple effects can often spread to other family members—siblings, grandparents, and even close friends. These "innocent bystanders" can become collateral damage in the fallout of a family rift.

In this clarifying episode, host Tina Gilbertson explores four common reasons why estranged adult children might distance themselves from others in the family, and even beyond.

Understanding these motivations can offer a clearer picture of the situation and may help ease parents’ fears about the extent of the rift. You’ll learn that collateral damage doesn’t always mean your adult child’s estrangement is extreme or escalating; it may simply be a reflection of complex dynamics at play.

If you're a parent struggling to understand why your child’s estrangement from you is affecting their other relationships, this episode offers insight into the reasons behind it.

You’ll gain a clearer understanding of the emotional complexities underlying estrangement, and why “innocent bystanders” sometimes become part of the (hopefully temporary) fallout.

For information and tips on how to make repairs and begin to heal from parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. Or get on the Reconnection Club mailing list.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 31: Why Don't Other Relatives Help?

Parents have various ways to cope with the pain of prolonged estrangement from their adult children. One of them is to find a way to let their children go, with love, in their hearts.

Letting an adult child go can bring a measure of relief to those who are able to do it. They may feel more peaceful and less sad.

It's relatively easy to let go of someone in silence. But what happens if they suddenly contact you?

Reconnection Club Podcast host Tina Gilbertson speaks to parents having just that experience. They're caught in a dilemma between silence and peace on the one hand, and undependable contact on the other.

In this illuminating episode, Tina suggests leaning in to this dilemma as a first step to finding your way past it.

For more on relationships between parents and adult children, including what goes wrong and how parents can respond effectively, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

RC Podcast Episode 144: What’s Your Strategy?

“If Your Child Contacts You After Asking for No Contact” (log in for access)

The journey through unwanted estrangement from adult children can remain challenging even after extensive personal work and therapy, as hidden barriers continue to surface.

In this pivotal episode, Reconnection Club Podcast host Tina Gilbertson explores how parents who have built fulfilling lives and invested in their own growth may still have blind spots that hinder their healing journey.

Key Insights:

• Even with extensive therapy and personal development, we may have unrecognized areas that need attention
• The assumption that we've "done enough work" can itself become a barrier to deeper healing
• Parents who have created successful lives despite estrangement may overlook remaining opportunities for emotional growth
• Looking inward, rather than focusing on reconciliation or the adult child's actions, can reveal unexpected areas for personal development

Tina offers a gentle challenge to parents to consider that there may be more internal work to discover, even when it seems like all possible growth has been achieved.

For more on how to repair your relationship with your estranged adult child(ren), read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Get on Tina's mailing list.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

When adult children cut contact with their parents, they often cite experiences and memories that their parents remember completely differently.

But what happens when two people recall the same events in contradicting ways?

In this illuminating episode, Reconnection Club host Tina Gilbertson tackles the complex nature of truth in family relationships.

Through an engaging example of a backyard barbecue, she demonstrates how seemingly opposing versions of events can both hold validity – and why trying to prove your adult child "wrong" about their memories may be counterproductive.

Tina explains that emotional truth in relationships operates differently from objective facts, offering insights for parents struggling to reconcile their memories with their adult child's perspective. 

This episode provides essential understanding for parents who want to build bridges rather than debate whose version of events is "correct."

Members can discuss this episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. 

Check out Tina’s book, Reconnecting with Your Estranged Adult Child

EPISODE LINKS:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 117: Heroes and Villains

When your adult child goes “no contact,” it can feel like you’re suddenly in a state of emergency. How did this happen? What is a parent supposed to do? How do you fix this painful problem if your child won’t talk to you?

When dealing with a crisis, the last thing you might be concerned about is balance. But balancing activity with sufficient rest is critical for anyone trying to solve an important problem. We’re simply not at our best when we’re out of balance. We don’t have our full capabilities, and we suffer from exhaustion and despair.

Whether you feel like you’ve gone into overdrive, or the opposite – that you’ve been mired in passivity or paralysis – host Tina Gilbertson has something for you in this simple but profound episode.

For information and tips on how to make repairs and begin to heal from parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join. Or get on the RC mailing list.

EPISODE LINKS: Start the New Year With … Rest? 

How to Do the Bare Minimum

Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them