The Reconnection Club Podcast

Some estranged adult children go no contact because they say their parents are too critical. Has your adult child made this complaint?

Are you frustrated because you just don't see what they're seeing? Does it seem like your adult child is too sensitive, and you're walking on eggshells because you never know what's going to make them feel criticized?

Or do you recognize what they're talking about, but can't seem to change the dynamic?

This episode is for anybody accused of being critical towards adult children, spouses or others.

In an interesting thesis, Tina Gilbertson suggests what might be going on that's coming across as criticism, and what you can do about it.

Changing relationship dynamics takes time. But if you know where to begin, you can get started today even if your adult child isn't currently in contact.

For information on why adult children become estranged (or "go no-contact") and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Getting along with in-laws is an age-old tradition, but also a challenge for many. When your adult child appears to be estranged because their partner doesn’t like you, it can feel like a hurtful and impossible situation.

The partner may seem like a cruel and powerful gatekeeper, standing between you and your child and grandchild(ren). Resentment soon follows. And things go downhill from there.

Although this may not be an easy problem to solve, you’ll want to make sure you’ve truly done everything you can to make repairs from your end.

This episode is for every unwillingly estranged parent who’s tried in vain to win over an adult child’s partner. You’ll learn five separate (and possibly overlapping) reasons why the partner doesn’t seem to like you and, more importantly, what you can do about it.

For more information on why adult children become estranged (or “go no-contact”) and what parents can do about it, read Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child by Tina Gilbertson.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 131: Preparing for Family Therapy

Not every parent whose adult child goes no contact feels like hiding it from friends and acquaintances. But many parents do.

If you feel uncomfortable sharing the fact of your adult child(ren)'s estrangement, you might identify with the Reconnection Club member whose words Tina shares in this forum-inspired episode.

If you fear the judgement of others, could it be that you've been judging yourself? If so, how can you overcome the quiet embarrassment that keeps you from living out loud?

Listen to the words of a Reconnection Club member who wrestled with this very question in our forums. And won.

For much more about how to deal with estrangement by your adult child(ren) read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

Political differences can play a role in family estrangement. But simply having differences is not the whole problem.

How we communicate with family members who don't share our views affects our ability to connect with them in spite of those differences.

In this helpful episode, Tina shares an excerpt from her conversation with relationship expert Bill Eddy, author of Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict.

For more about communicating effectively with estranged adult children and healing from parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCE:

Calming Upset People with EAR by Bill Eddy

When you have an estranged adult child who's gone no-contact, it's impossible not to think about change.

Something needs to change if your adult child's estrangement is to end. But making changes isn't easy. Especially if you're not sure what to change, or how, or why.

In this episode, Tina shares her personal experience of an unexpected change that happened in her life. She talks about how change can happen when you least expect it, and how profound developments can appear without effort through simple, non-judgmental curiosity.

This is an episode for everyone interested in, or struggling with, making positive changes.

For much more information on resolving parent-adult child estrangement, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club. Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

About Feldenkrais

Meditation, Movement and Neurological Quiet – An Interview With Maggy Burrowes

Reconciliation between parents and no-contact adult children can be thought of as a phase of estrangement. That means that for many parents, reconciliation will be disappointing – at least for a while.  Things aren’t back to normal. Conversation doesn’t flow. You might still feel estranged, even though there’s contact. What’s going on? In this episode, Tina normalizes some of the disappointing and frustrating aspects of reconciliation. She explains that it’s nobody’s fault, and that it may require continued personal and interpersonal development.  If your adult child’s behavior seems unpredictable even though they’re supposed to be reconciled, it doesn’t mean the process has stalled. It may simply mean that it’s getting under way.

EPISODE RESOURCES: Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 164: Emotional Safety Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 171: Understanding Ambivalence Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 144: What’s Your Strategy? Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 97: Road Map to Reconnection (Part 1)

For more information on why adult children become estranged (or "go no-contact") and what parents can do about it, read Tina Gilbertson's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

"We see the world not as it is, but as we are."

In this episode, Tina invites parents unwillingly estranged from their adult children to take a step back and consider their beliefs about themselves, others, and the world.

She compares our individual worldview to a pair of glasses, with lenses of a particular color. We can't help but perceive the world in a limiting way as long as it reaches us through a fixed filter.

The central idea in this episode is that even if your adult child's estrangement is an objective fact, the meaning of it, and your response to it, will mirror your habitual feelings, beliefs and expectations.

This is a contemplative episode. Listen when you have time and energy for reflection.

For information on why adult children become estranged and what parents can do about it, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE LINKS:

RCP Ep. 160: Emotional Reasoning

Find all episodes at reconnectionclub.com/podcast. 

If you’ve received a letter from your estranged adult child, this week’s episode of the Reconnection Club Podcast, along with the one preceding it (Episode 177), is a must-listen. Because however hopeless, hurt or angry you might feel when you read it, it could actually contain the blueprint for future reconciliation and peace.

Many parents fail to decode the message that’s usually there between the lines – the one about what went wrong in the relationship, and how to help heal it.

That’s more valuable than any other information the parent could obtain about how to end estrangement. And yet most parents overlook it at first.

Before responding to a letter from your estranged adult child, use this two-part episode to process what they wrote. Be sure to start with Part 1!

Remember there’s no need to rush a reply; points are not given for quick responses, only effective ones. Set a boundary around your own process, and take the time you need.

For plenty of ideas on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina’s book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE SERIES RESOURCES:

Criticism As a Form of Connection Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them RC Podcast Episode 139: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 1) RC Podcast Episode 140: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 2) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 168: Emotional Pain: A Field Guide

If you’ve received a letter from your estranged adult child, this week’s episode of the Reconnection Club Podcast is a must-listen. Because however hopeless, hurt or angry you might feel when you read it, it could actually contain the blueprint for future reconciliation and peace.

Many parents fail to decode the message that’s usually there between the lines – the one about what went wrong in the relationship, and how to help heal it.

That’s more valuable than any other information the parent could obtain about how to end estrangement. And yet most parents overlook it at first.

Before responding to a letter from your estranged adult child, use this two-part episode to process what they wrote.

There’s no need to rush a reply; points are not given for quick responses, only effective ones. Set a boundary around your own process, and take the time you need.

For lots of ideas on how to repair troubled relationships with adult children, read Tina's book, Reconnecting With Your Estranged Adult Child.

Reconnection Club members can discuss this and every episode in the General Discussion forum inside the Reconnection Club.

Not a member yet? Learn more and join.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

Criticism As a Form of Connection Constructive Wallowing: How to Beat Bad Feelings By Letting Yourself Have Them RC Podcast Episode 139: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 1) RC Podcast Episode 140: Emotions of Estrangement (Part 2) Reconnection Club Podcast Ep. 168: Emotional Pain: A Field Guide

TRANSCRIPT:

These are uncertain times for those of us who create and freely share content via the Internet.

I mentioned on the podcast earlier this year that I needed some time to assess the impact of all the changes happening in the world of digital information, including the widespread, unregulated use of AI.

At that time, I removed the show from a couple of the larger platforms, and stopped releasing new episodes to those platforms. Unfortunately, many smaller platforms were also affected. And that’s made it a lot harder for the show to be found by new listeners, which is a dilemma I’m still wrestling with. 

Because it’s become clear that even more changes are necessary to protect the integrity of this podcast, even while making sure that you, the listener, can still access it.

So here’s the current plan. 

Starting with Episode 177, which will be released on July 29th, 2024, new episodes will appear in more places, but with certain exceptions, they will expire when the next episode is released.

And beginning immediately, I’m going to start expiring some of the older episodes – again, with certain exceptions.

Namely, the following: 

- If you’re used to listening to the videos on our YouTube channel, or ...

- If you listen on the Reconnection Club website...

Nothing will change for you.

There will be no expiration and you can disregard this entire announcement. (Again, that is if you listen on either our YouTube channel, or our website.)

However, if you use a podcast player app like iHeartRadio or Pocket Casts, then new episodes starting with 177 will typically be available for only two weeks, and then they will expire. 

There are ways to get around that two-week time limit. Within those first two weeks, you should still be able to download episodes and keep them for however long you want, depending on the app. Please check on that directly with your app. I don’t have that information.

But if you ever lose an episode or can’t find one that you’re looking for, remember you can always find every single episode, old and new, on the Reconnection Club website, at reconnectionclub.com/podcast, or by episode number, for example, "reconnectionclub.com/130" for Episode 130. Or, subscribe to our YouTube channel for free and listen there.

I know that episode expiration will not be a welcome change, and I thank you for your understanding and patience as I try to strike a balance between limiting unauthorized access by AI, and preserving your access to the podcast as a listener. 

I also thank you for sharing the Reconnection Club Podcast with other parents experiencing unwanted estrangement from their adult children. 

Thank you for your continued support in these challenging times.