June 16, 2023

246: Scott A. revisits

44 minutes

🔸 "This wasn't in the plan and nothing has worked". When Self doesn't know what to do.

📍 Context: You're joining us after 45 mins of our chat, but you're not missing any of the parts work.

🔹 Parts:

Skeptics & Spiritual parts. "What do I really need? The healing trauma track?"

Self doubt, need authority, permission

Age 23, 24 "I lost my footing" (interesting word choice, didn't he mention seeing just the feet in last call?)

The intact Dreamer

The exile: the referee. 12, 13yo, Defeated.

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:
- I should have played it safer. I think I rushed the unblending, relieved to land on a part (again, Scott had already shared for 45 mins), so I wasn't very thorough in checking for other parts stepping back nor for protectors (as it became more and more clear this was an exile). If he told me he was new to this, or didn’t have a solo-practice, I say red card. But in this context: yellow.

- I get into a “ok now let me talk” mode (not wrong in itself), But then I'm less inquisitive and more explanatory.

- Possible additional risk because I identify with Scott so much. I too am a musician who loves teaching kids, who wrestled w dreams of performing, who still (lucidly) dreams of his glory days on the soccer field, and although I don’t know the tragic details of the 24 year old in the hospital bed, I get the feeling the story looks a lot like mine. “Well he is like me, and this would feel safe to me, so I assume it’s safe for him”. Maybe true, reasonable, but not how I should make those assessments.
-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord
🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:
Itunes
YouTube
How to leave a review - iPhone

👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire

...more