Tori Hope Petersen is the author of the book Breaking the Patterns That Break You: Healing from the Pain of Your Past and Finding Real Hope That Lasts! Tori’s journey is nothing short of inspiring! In our conversation, she opens up about growing up in the foster care system, dealing with trauma, and the powerful transformation that began when she truly understood God’s love for her.

Tori shares how having broken free from patterns of self-doubt and striving for approval became so integral to her healing, and we discuss the unspoken lies that we often believe about ourselves and how those beliefs shape the way we live. Tori reflects on how recognizing these patterns, such as the need to prove our worth or seek validation from others, can be the first step toward truly finding healing and freedom from limiting beliefs and lies. She also offers up some practical advice on how to stop living to prove ourselves and start living from a place of knowing that we are unconditionally loved.

This episode of the show is for anyone who has struggled and/or is struggling with feelings of unworthiness or been caught in the vicious cycle of seeking validation from others. Tori’s story and wisdom encourages you to stop trying to earn God’s love and instead embrace the truth of how God did a good job of making you! I can almost guarantee you are going to walk away from this episode feeling encouraged and inspired!

In This Episode

[0:35] - Tori shares how we first connected -- something I'd completely forgotten about!

​​[2:34] - Growing up in foster care, Tori struggled with feeling unworthy until she embraced God’s love.

[5:28] - Tori feels that Christians often mistake self-hatred for humility but that honoring God’s creation isn’t prideful.

[6:37] - We learn that Tori's upbringing taught her that love had to be earned, but she has since learned that it’s freely given.

[9:36] - Therapy, writing, and mentors helped Tori process trauma and overcome fears of repeating abuse.

[12:59] - I discuss someone having asked me recently how to identify and unpack their negative thoughts.

[13:25] - Reading and hearing others’ stories helps Tori reflect, grow, and better understand herself.

[14:45] - Tori's new book reinterprets familiar ideas to help trauma survivors embrace God’s love.

[17:42] - Understanding God’s love as personal transformed Tori's relationships and helped break unhealthy cycles

[22:20] - A savior complex can stem from personal wounds rather than pure intentions to help others.

[24:44] - Tori points out that God's approval frees us from seeking validation.

[27:21] - Tori has learned to assume the best in people, despite past trauma.

[29:24] - For Tori, encouraging her kids' potential means balancing high expectations while also allowing them individuality.

[32:07] - Hear how an unexpected apology helped Tori appreciate a flawed but ultimately safe and supportive program.

[34:39] - Tori shares that she and her husband prioritize apologizing, believing that it encourages reflection and accountability in others.

[36:05] - Sharing our stories can lead to healing and connection.

[38:28] - I encourage people to read Tori’s first book Fostered before Breaking the Patterns That Break You.

Links & Resources

Crystal Paine

Books

Fostered: One Woman’s Powerful Story of Finding Faith and Family through Foster Care by Tori Hope Petersen

Breaking the Patterns That Break You: Healing from the Pain of Your Past and Finding Real Hope That Lasts by Tori Hope Petersen

Love-Centered Parenting: The No-Fail Guide to Launching Your Kids by Crystal Paine

Social Media

Crystal Paine on Instagram (@moneysavingmom)

Crystal Paine on Twitter

Crystal Paine on Goodreads

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