the reason being, i wanted to know once and for all if i could trust this IFS thing. and best way to find out was to see how it felt when i was at my most vulnerable. i think the whole - 'you don't have much time left, make a choice' vs 'evaluate, consider, reflect before jumping in' parts were actually about that. about making a choice about ifs. and it was kinda mind blowing. i let go, i fell - and it was all good. better than good! it wasn't just about trusting ifs - it was about trusting me, trusting you and me, trusting not just that i would be safe - but that there would actually be positive benefits - like i would be.... hmm, different? changed? more? ... can't quite find the word - but better in some way that was more than just not being hurt or feeling unsafe.

i'm still really grateful and appreciative of all the skeptical, risk management, requiring proof/data, be careful parts - cos they helped me figure out how to conduct this experiment. and they have sure kept me safe in the past! they still can't fully explain the outcome of the experiment - but they accept the results. which were basically a big fat - go for it! lol.

so just wanted to explain that and let you know how grateful i am to you! i mean - i didn't even tell you that you were part of an experiment - (which now feels a little unethical! sorry!) and the end result was - that despite those doubtful parts not being able to explain how this whole thing works - they can see that it does.