May 17, 2026

371. You Could Be Having Better Sex

43 minutes

What if the secret to better sex isn't a new position or a fancy toy — it's simply showing up as yourself?

In this episode, Kelly sits down with Nicole McNichols, a sexuality researcher and educator whose work bridges the gap between what science knows about female desire and what most of us were never taught. Together they unpack why women lose desire in long-term relationships (hint: it's not broken — it's biology meeting culture), what "heated rivalry" actually means for female attraction, and why spontaneous desire is more myth than reality for most women.

This is the kind of honest, research-backed conversation your sex ed class should have been.

The "heated rivalry" phenomenon — how competition and social comparison can actually activate female desire, and what that tells us about our evolutionary wiring

Spontaneous vs. responsive desire — why waiting to "feel like it" may be the #1 intimacy killer in long-term relationships

The taco metaphor — a reframe on why novelty matters for sustaining desire (you'll never think about tacos the same way again)

Female anatomy 101 — the internal clitoris, female erections, and the structures your doctor probably never mentioned

Hormones and midlife sexuality — how perimenopause and menopause reshape desire, and why hormone therapy can be genuinely life-changing

Pleasure as medicine — the neuroscience of why pleasure regulates your nervous system and supports overall health

Flow states and intimacy — how to cultivate the focused presence that makes sex feel connected rather than performative

The mental load problem — why unequal household labor is a libido killer backed by actual data

What college students are actually doing — Nicole's research on porn's influence on sexual expectations and the urgent case for comprehensive sex ed

Communication as foreplay — why the conversations before, during, and after sex matter as much as the sex itself

You Could Be Having Better Sex book

https://www.instagram.com/nicole_thesexprofessor/

Listen to my Tedx Talk: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Why we need adult sex ed⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Take my ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Adult Sex Ed Master Class:⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠My Website⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Interested in my sexual health and hormone clinic? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Waitlist is open⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Thanks to our sponsor ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Midi Women's Health⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. Designed by midlife experts, delivered by experienced clinicians, covered by insurance.Midi is the first virtual care clinic made exclusively for women 40+. Evidence-based treatments. Personalized midlife care.⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.joinmidi.com⁠

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By Kelly Casperson, MD

4.8

10291,029 ratings