40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.

By Rick Clemons

Welcome to the only podcast exploring the messiness, awesomeness, of masculinity of being a gay man over 40. Each episode is about sparking idea, addressing challenges, and diving deep into what it lo... more

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How many episodes does 40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk. have?

The podcast currently has 397 episodes available.

40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk. episodes:

July 17, 2026Your Body Is Lying to You About Sex: Fran Frye Breaks Down What’s Really Happening For Gay Men
Something goes wrong in bed and gay men immediately blame desire, performance, or themselves. Sex educator and trauma specialist Fran Frye says they're diagnosing the wrong problem. The real issue is the nervous system — and most men have no idea it's running the show.
Rick and Fran dig into the five nervous system responses that hijack sexual experiences, why porn is an idea not a manual, and how shame quietly replaces honest communication for gay men over 40. This is not a conversation about dysfunction. It's about finally understanding what your body has been trying to tell you.
Key Takeaways:
Why "erectile difficulties" are almost always psychological, not physical
How fight, flight, freeze, fawn, and fuck responses show up during sex
The difference between consent and compliance, and why it matters
Why gay men struggle more than most with saying no
What emotional literacy actually looks like in an intimate encounter
How to pause high arousal states before they run the show
About Fran
Fran Frye works at the intersection of sexuality, trauma, and compassion, with a particular focus on supporting men as they unpack their sexuality within a patriarchal culture that often labels them as dangerous, defective, or emotionally closed off. She helps dismantle these narratives through curiosity, empathy and practical tools that foster healthier relationships with the body, partners and self.
A certified Sex Educator, Counselor, and Clinician trained in compulsive sexual behaviors, Fran is also a somatic sex practitioner. Her work spans sexual shame, trauma, grief, relationship rupture and body disconnection, grounded in both professional training and lived experience as a sexual assault survivor, former military spouse, and athlete.
Beyond her professional work, Fran is deeply committed to service. Over the years she has volunteered in several areas of crisis and community support, including suicide prevention, rape victim’s advocacy, human trafficking prevention, and serving as a rape crisis hotline operator. She has also contributed to efforts addressing food scarcity, sits with hospice patients in their final chapters, and supports Veterans and their families.
These experiences have brought her into close contact with trauma, grief, courage, and resilience - insights she carries directly into the compassionate, grounded way she supports others.
Connect With Fran
Website
Instagram
YouTube
Hey Guys, Check This Out!
Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why.
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49min
July 10, 2026The Quiet Parts Out Loud: Huck Smith on Gay Dating, Bar Culture, and Becoming Real
Gay bars are dying. Dating apps are killing real connection. And gay men over 40 are carrying stories they have never let themselves tell out loud. Huck Smith started posting honest essays online because he could not find anyone else saying the quiet parts. Then his first book hit number one on Amazon the day after it released. Boys, Bars, and Becoming is a collection of personal essays about identity, relationships, and the gap between who gay men are and who they perform being. Huck joins Rick to talk about what it took to write it and why so many gay men recognized themselves on the first page.
Key Takeaways:
Why dating apps create disqualifying lists that kill connection before it starts
What gay men lost when bar culture changed and why it actually mattered
How older gay men project their own suppressed selves onto younger, more open men
Why gay men of a certain age were trained to perform masculinity instead of feel it
The importance of standing with transgender community members when it is uncomfortable
What writing toward the quiet contradictions of gay life actually requires
About Huck
Huck Smith is a writer whose work explores identity, relationships, and the quiet contradictions that shape everyday life, often landing somewhere between self-awareness and self-sabotage. He writes with equal parts humor and honesty.
Boys, Bars, and Becoming is his first collection of essays. When he’s not writing, he’s probably at the gym, overthinking a text message, or convincing himself he doesn’t need another vintage action figure while actively bidding on one.
Connect With Huck
Website
Instagram
Hey Guys, Check This Out!
Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why.
Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More!
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58min
July 03, 2026Stop Swiping, Start Connecting: Court Vox on Attraction, Intimacy, and What Gay Men Over 40 Get Wrong About Desire
Gay men over 40 know how to find sex. What most of them have never been taught is how to find connection.
Court Vox is a certified sex and intimacy coach, founder of The Bodyvox, and one of the sharpest voices working with GBTQ men on what actually gets in the way of real intimacy.
He joins Rick to talk about choice fatigue on dating apps, the ruptures that quietly kill relationships before they start, and why so much of what gay men call attraction is really just unexamined shame running the show. This is the conversation about desire that most men are not ready to have.
Key Takeaways:
How app culture creates choice fatigue that makes genuine connection harder
Why rupture and repair skills are the most underrated tools in any relationship
How to tell the difference between facts and feelings when conflict hits
The role homophobia and internalized misogyny play in gay men's attraction patterns
Why resistance to certain desires is almost always repression in disguise
What somatic coaching does that talk therapy alone cannot
About Court
Court Vox is a Certified Sex & Intimacy Coach, based in Los Angeles CA . He is Founder of The Bodyvox. Through his courses, workshops, retreats, and private immersions, clients cultivate toys to unlock limitations and shame, to embrace a deeper sense of intimacy with their whole self.
Traditional forms of therapy are done solely through talk, while the work of a somatic coach is to further this form of work via body-based exercises, experiential learning, and touch, in comfortable, judgment-free, and caring environments. Body acceptance, exploration of sensation and desires (and learning how to ask for what you want), boundary-setting and intimacy work are some of the many reasons clients seek this form of learning.
Vox is a sex educator experienced working with clients of all sexualities and genders and has been featured in AskMen.com, Cosmopolitan, and Well & Good magazines. He offers workshops and retreats across the globe for GBTQ men, and is also part of an elite team of sex educators that create the celebrated program for women, Back to the Body.
His online course and community, Invitations to Intimacy, offers foundations in embodiment suited for the eroticerotic, as well as a community of like-minded individuals to support one another on their journey.
Attend Courts Events in 2026
Camp Connect
Connect - Joshua Tree
Connect With Court
Website
Instagram
Hey Guys, Check This Out!
Are you a guy who keeps struggling to do that thing? You know the thing you keep telling yourself and others you’re going to do, but never do? Then it’s time to get real and figure out why.
Join the 40 Plus: Gay Men Gay Talk, monthly chats. They happen the third Monday of each month at 5:00 pm Pacific - Learn More!
Also, join our Facebook Community - 40 Plus: Gay Men, Gay Talk Community
...more
49min
June 26, 2026The Warning Signs Are Here: Dr. Nas Mohamed on LGBTQ Rights, Authoritarianism, and Gay Complacency
Dr. Nas Mohamed grew up in Qatar where homosexuality is criminalized, arranged marriages were expected, and silence was the only safe option. He chose medical school over a lie, built a life on his own terms, and became the first publicly out individual from Qatar. Now he is watching the United States move in a direction he recognizes. This episode is not a history lesson about somewhere else. It is a warning from someone who has seen how this goes. Dr. Nas joins Rick to talk about authoritarian control, the cost of complacency, and why gay men over 40 who think the fight is over are not paying attention.
Key Takeaways:
What it actually costs to come out in a country where it is criminalized
Why Dr. Nas sees dangerous parallels between Qatar and current US political trends
How dehumanization works and why the LGBTQ community is not immune to it
Why wealthy gay men disengaging from the fight is a threat to everyone
The role of authentic storytelling in building understanding across cultures
What the Alwan Foundation is doing to increase visibility of LGBTQ life in the Gulf states
About Dr. Nas
Dr. Nas Mohamed is the first publicly out individual from Qatar, a physician, activist, and founder of both Osra Medical and the Alwan Foundation.
Driven out of a country where being gay is criminalized, he built a practice and a movement rooted in one conviction: every person deserves to be seen, treated with respect, and given access to care without fear. He founded the Alwan Foundation to increase visibility of LGBTQ life across the Gulf states and has served as Grand Marshal of San Francisco Pride.
He speaks globally on LGBTQ rights, healthcare equity, and what it actually costs to live authentically when your country criminalizes your existence.
Connect With Dr. Nas
Website
Instagram
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53min
June 19, 2026Steven C. Law Spent 45 Years Loving the Same Man. Here Is What He Wants Gay Men Over 40 to Know.
Most gay men were never shown what lasting love actually looks like. Steven C. Law lived it for 45 years and then wrote a book to make sure nobody forgets what it cost to love freely before the world made room for it.
"The Story of Bob" traces the life of gay rights activist Reverend Bob Wood, a man who spent decades hiding his relationship out of fear, denying himself the simplest moments of connection. Steven and Rick get honest about what it means to be celebrated rather than tolerated, why gay men over 40 carry grief they have never named, and what a 45-year relationship teaches you about love that has nothing left to prove.
Key Takeaways:
Why being tolerated is not enough and what being truly celebrated actually feels like
What Bob Wood's hidden love story reveals about the price gay men paid to survive
How long-term gay relationships evolve into something most people never get to experience
Why gay men over 40 carry unprocessed grief from an era nobody wants to revisit
What 45 years with the same man teaches you about intimacy, silence, and presence
About Steven
Steven C. Law is a writer whose work bridges faith and cultural engagement. His commitment to compassionate storytelling enriches The Story of Bob with insight and empathy. Steven Law holds degrees from Campbell University and Colgate Rochester Crozer Divinity School, where his focus was Christian ethics and social policy.
As an ordained pastor, he served rural and urban churches, before studying creative writing with C. Michael Curtis. Chief among his accomplishments are 45 bliss-filled years with Dr. William "Donald” Stroud, with whom he created Découvert Fine Art, an art gallery specializing in European Master drawings. He is the founder and president of the Law Stroud Foundation - www.lawstroudfoundation.org. He lives in Rockport, MA.
Connect With Steven
Website
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46min
June 12, 2026Katherine Wela Bogen on What Gay Men Get Wrong About Bisexuality and Why It Costs All of Them
Gay men know what it cost to come out. Bisexual people paid that same price and then got rejected by the community that was supposed to finally understand. Katherine Wela Bogen is a doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, scholar-activist with 600K followers, and author of the debut novel Queering Him. She and Rick get into the real conversation gay and bisexual men keep not having: where the experiences genuinely overlap, where they do not, and why assuming you already understand bisexuality because you know gay identity causes real damage. This one asks gay men over 40 to look at a blind spot most of them did not know they had.
Key Takeaways:
Where gay and bisexual experience genuinely meet and where they part ways
Why bisexual people have worse health outcomes than gay or lesbian individuals
How double discrimination operates differently than what gay men experience
What it actually costs to get rejected by the community that should get it most
What Queering Him is and why Katie wrote it
About Katherine
In her own words, Katherine Wela Bogen is “first, a storyteller; second, a scholar-activist; and third, a joyful little freak.”
Bisexual and Jewish, she grew up in rural New England. A doctoral candidate in clinical psychology, studying the intersections of bisexual identity, sexual trauma, sexual functioning, and kink, she has published more than forty peer-reviewed papers and is the host of the political podcast SuperHumanizer.
Bogen’s 600k+ social media followers will recognize her as @k.w.bogen from her public-facing scholar activism. Queering Him, the first in the Avra and Kieran trilogy, is Bogen’s debut novel.
Connect With Katherine
Website
Instagram
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43min
June 05, 2026He Was HIV Positive and Ran Toward Ground Zero Anyway: Neil Adams on Michael Dorian and the Story That Would Not Stay Untold
On September 11, 2001, a gay man living with HIV made a decision that had nothing to do with self-preservation. He ran toward the World Trade Center and spent 24 hours in the pile. Neil Adams met Michael Dorian in New York in the early 1990s and their friendship lasted nearly 30 years. Now he has written the book Michael asked him to write. From the Pile is a debut biography that covers Michael's childhood in poverty, his HIV diagnosis at 16, his life built on compassion, and the choice he made on the worst day in modern American history. This episode is about what it means to show up when it costs you everything.
Key Takeaways:
Who Michael Dorian was before 9/11 and what shaped his decision to respond
What it meant for an immunocompromised man to spend 24 hours at Ground Zero
How a decades-long friendship between two gay men became the foundation of a book
What Neil learned about compassion, empathy, and showing up from a man younger than himself
Why Michael's story was featured in a New York Emmy-winning profile and Spike Lee's 9/11 documentary
What this story says about the older gay male community and the conversations we are not having
About Neil
He knew he was gay, but dated girls, trying to live up to his parents’ expectations.
Against their wishes, he majored in Drama in college, where he continued to wrestle with his sexuality while staying committed to performing. After graduation, he moved to Los Angeles to pursue acting, knowing he needed to come out in order to be his authentic self.
In Los Angeles, he performed in plays and nightclubs and began writing comedy.
A job later took him to New York on tour, and he stayed, living the actor’s life until he met Michael, which changed everything. After returning to California broke and moving back home, he left acting and went into sales. He later worked in publishing, rising to National Sales Manager before the dot-com bust. From there, he built a career in the special events industry, became active in professional associations, and even won a national singing competition.
When he and Michael reconnected later in life, the idea for the book returned. He has now spent 23 years in the events industry, currently working in business development in San Francisco and serving in leadership roles. This is his first book, but definitely not his last.
Connect With Neil
Website
Instagram - Neil's
Instagram - The Book
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49min
May 29, 2026HIV Is Not Over: Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner on Stigma, Survival, and What Gay Men Over 40 Need to Hear
You lived through it. You lost people. And somewhere along the way you decided HIV was somebody else's problem now. It is not. Andrew Spieldenner and Alex Garner from MPact Global Action join Rick for a conversation that does not let the queer community off the hook. MPact works across 60 countries supporting LGBTQ-led organizations fighting HIV stigma, funding cuts, and the political forces making all of it worse. This episode covers where the stigma still lives, why gay men over 50 are among the fastest growing groups of new diagnoses, and why staying sexual, visible, and engaged is still an act of resistance.
Key Takeaways:
Why HIV stigma has not gone away, it has just gotten quieter and more insidious
How structural racism and poverty drive HIV transmission more than individual behavior
Why gay men over 50 are seeing rising new diagnosis rates and what that means
The dangerous gap between available prevention tools and who actually gets access to them
About Andrew
Andrew R. Spieldenner, Ph.D. is Executive Director of MPact Global Action, an international gay rights organization in the HIV response, and Professor in the Department of Communication at California State University-San Marcos. Openly living with HIV, Dr. Spieldenner’s writing is at the intersection of health and culture, particularly looking at HIV and the LGBTQ community. Dr. Spieldenner’s edited books include Intercultural Health Communication, Post-AIDS Discourse in Health Communication, and the award-winning A Pill for Promiscuity.
About Alex
Alex Garner is a writer, artist, and community advocate dedicated to advancing queer visibility and health equity. He currently serves as Senior Director of Strategic Initiatives & Communications at MPact Global Action and previously led sexual health innovation and global campaigns as Senior Health Innovation Strategist at Hornet. With over 25 years in community organizing and two decades as a writer, Alex uses storytelling, art, and advocacy to humanize queer experiences and destigmatize conversations around sex, HIV, and identity.
Born and raised in Southern California, Alex is a proud Chicano, gay/queer, and male-presenting person who embraces fluidity and authenticity. Living openly with HIV for 30 years, he shares his personal journey including his time as a sex worker and performer to challenge stigma and inspire others.
Connect With Andrew and Alex
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Facebook
Instagram
LinkedIn
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48min
May 22, 2026Morgan Rich Says the Version of Masculinity You Were Handed Was Never Going to Fit. Here Is What Does.
Most men were handed a version of masculinity that had no room for grief, sensitivity, or showing up as anything other than hard. Gay men got that version and then got told their masculinity did not count anyway. Morgan Rich, coach, author, and creator of Threshold Coaching, spent decades learning the hard way that the world rewarding toughness was never actually rewarding strength.
He and Rick get into what it means to reclaim healthy masculinity when you are a gay man over 40 who has been navigating threshold moments your entire life, why little deaths are not the enemy but the teacher, and what it actually looks like to stop betraying yourself and start living like you mean it.
Key Takeaways:
Why the masculinity most men were handed was never built for authenticity or survival
What threshold moments are and why gay men over 40 have been living inside them for decades
How grief works as a teacher rather than an obstacle when you stop fighting it
Why sensitivity is a form of strength that most men were conditioned to destroy in themselves
What it actually means to stop betraying yourself when self-betrayal has been the default setting for years
About Morgan
Morgan Rich is a coach, author, and group facilitator who helps people navigate threshold moments—the school transitions, breakups, commitments, career shifts, midlife reckonings, and quiet inner stirrings that signal it’s time for something new. For more than a decade, he has guided men, couples, and young adults through these crucible spaces, offering presence, precision, and care when the old story no longer fits and the next step feels terrifying.
His approach, called Threshold Coaching—Training for the unkNOWn, blends real-time support with nervous system awareness and integrity practices. Sometimes that means preparing a client before a hard conversation; other times it’s helping them integrate the aftermath of grief or conflict. It is not advice or quick fixes, but a way of learning to stay present and courageous when life feels most intense.
Morgan is currently leading the pilot of his Find Your Path program, an immersive community for both young and older adults who feel caught between pressure and possibility. By living, learning, and practicing together, participants discover clarity, resilience, and a deeper sense of belonging and direction.
His book, The Invitation Beyond: Reclaiming Healthy Masculinity, draws on his personal journey as a sensitive man in a world that rewarded toughness. Through grief, struggle, and deep practice, he came to see that connection is a strength and that freedom comes from showing up fully alive. The book guides readers to move past cultural noise into a grounded, connected way of living, and calls forth a new/old way of being a man.
Today, Morgan speaks on stages, in groups, and on podcasts about male sovereignty and loneliness, the hidden strength of sensitivity, grief as a teacher, and the difference between the frantic intensity of the world and the rooted intensity of presence. Whether working one-on-one, facilitating men’s groups, guiding couples, or mentoring young adults, his message is the same: transformation begins when we stop betraying ourselves and start living with honesty, courage, and care.
Connect With Morgan
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Facebook
Instagram
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45min
May 15, 2026Randy Jones Has Been Gay for 30 Years and Still Asks Himself If He Is Gay Enough
Thirty years with the same man. Kids. A suburban life. A career built on celebrating the best in people. And a question that never fully goes away: am I gay enough?
Randy Jones, speaker, author, podcaster, and self-described professional storyteller, has spent decades navigating the space between gay communities that questioned his credentials and straight communities that accepted him without conditions. He and Rick get honest about what it costs to feel like you never fully belong anywhere, why gay culture built its own velvet rope, and what it actually means to own your gay identity when it does not look like what anyone expected.
Key Takeaways:
Why gay men judge each other's gayness and what that says about the community we built
How living a suburban family life as a gay man creates a specific kind of identity confusion
What it means to be more accepted in straight spaces than gay ones and why that stings
Why the question am I gay enough never fully goes away even after decades of being out
How aging in the LGBTQ+ community forces a reckoning with who you actually are versus who the community wants you to be
About Randall
Randall Kenneth Jones is a high-energy speaker, author, and podcaster, known for emphasizing the best in people. As a journalist and as host of the podcast ON THE KNOWS with Randall Kenneth Jones, he has interviewed hundreds of celebrities and thought leaders, including LGBTQ allies and icons like Vanessa Williams, Kathy Griffin, Suze Orman, Brian Boitano, Sam Champion, Geri Jewell, Steven Petrow, Patricia Racette, Patrick Ryan, Tommy Tune, Del Shores, Michael Rupert, Joel Relampagos, Chip Conley, and Jerry Mitchell.
His personal mentor list includes Pat Benatar, Erin Brockovich, The Emily Post Institute's Peggy Post, and Susan Bennett, the Original Voice of Siri. A self-descripted "professional storyteller," Jones's ability to weave humor into serious topics makes for engaging and approachable conversations.
On stage, he has gained attention as a keynote speaker as well as for gender-bending roles in parodies, such as "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?" and "Hush Up Sweet Charlotte." Jones has a special affinity for supporting the 55+ community, the arts and humanities, authors, and activists. He and his husband have been together for 30 years. That said, Jones consistently finds himself wondering: AM I GAY ENOUGH?
Connect With Randall
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Facebook
Instagram

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44min

FAQs about 40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk.:

How many episodes does 40 Plus: Gay Men. Gay Talk. have?

The podcast currently has 397 episodes available.

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