🔸 Keeping it light, no light.
2️⃣
Pink: you’re to blame
Red: Full catastrophe. I blame myself, I wanted so much not to do damage.

🔹 Parts:

🎓 What I'd like to do differently:

We spoke for 30 minutes before the meditation . That’s why we seemed short on time.

2️⃣

After this call Justine took a break from working with me.

Started with a brand new tech problem on my end. Then throughout the call my neighbor is firing his gun, it sounds like it's right outside my window. I'm tallying each shot for Ivan "12 gunshots between 6:22pm and 6:24... 8 more between x & y..." It goes on for an hour, an unusual amount and pattern; it dawns on me it's likely a salute, that his old dog, my daily walking partner, finally died. I've felt off for a few days, it's been the hottest week of the year, and I'm spending an hour or more beekeeping around noon each day. I have a hard conversation scheduled right after this call, I assume the hardest I'll have this year.

My protectors are up in the beginning, wanting to protect Justine. They're upset "Justine's therapist made her cry!" And my pushback / question: "is that a fair/reasonable question? Who remembers being content?" I've encountered the question in other modalities, but never in IFS. Sounds to me like one that would reliably upset a significant percentage of people. I've been challenging myself to speak more for parts that are up for me, because the alternative is often checking out. And I'm not asking to dive straight in because I can tell she’s on edge. So I'm offering hypotheses, asking surface questions.

We keep encountering this disparity in how we're assessing her ability and progress, which I feel like I'm failing to address. If she has this part, or if it’s true that she’s "bad at IFS", and my parts are saying that’s objectively not true, what next? It feels like the one thing I can't go along with. Tell me you’re bad at anything else, and ok, what the fuck do I know? But bad at IFS? It’s axiomatic: I insist you can’t be. Feels like my confidence conflicts with my empathy here.

After an hour I make the move, and I don’t think it's a misstep to ask “who is ‘doing it wrong’ cuz that ain’t self”. It might have not gone well, but it’s not just a redirect, it’s an attempt to facilitate unblending, because she’s saying “me”.

A few mins later “they want me to spend more time in a not disregulated place" and "they want to support me in not being so blended with damaging parts." Good! I feel like we’re all on the same page. Im seeing light and opportunity, from mutual compassion and understanding.

Then “not doing it hasn’t been a bad thing”. Cheerleaders, trying to keep her from feeling judged for not doing solo work. I want to push back: we’re at an hour and a half, we finally befriended these critic parts, let's not abandon them! Now's our chance to advocate for them!

Then “be in self a little bit each day, a useful suggestion” I laugh, my parts: "What the hell am I doing wrong! What makes that such a helpful suggestion, and mine, which I see as the same, not? What is wrong with me, if I still can't even such a critical distinction?"

Also I realize that “break a couple eggs” is probably the worst analogy I could use...

-----
🗳 Send anonymous feedback to James: Feedback Form
😀Come chat with us: Discord
🙏PLEASE help Internal Family Systems reach more people. Subscribe, give a rating, or comment here:
Itunes
YouTube
How to leave a review - iPhone

👉 Find your ACE score with this one-page questionnaire